sarah
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First off good job on not letting your parents force you into something that was horrible and wrong, but on to your question, a baby does not bring shame or disgrace to anyone, if you want to keep your child, then you do it, don't let any one talk you into doing anything you don't want to do, you Will regret it later in life, do some sole searching and come up with the answer yourself, you are the only person who can truly answer this question.
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Jack
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If you are looking for an opinion, then mine is that you have some bad reasons for choosing to put your child up for adoption. If you are looking for something else, then that is another matter.
UNDERSTAND: that is just one opinion. You must make your decision based upon your life and circumstances. The shame you think that you have is a matter of society and religion and tradition. You should understand your value system and what is important to you. You may choose to raise your child. It depends upon what/who you personally value. Since money is not a problem, it's a matter of choice. Take your time with this decision.
Your career will have little influence on anyone wishing to adopt. They value having a child. Unless you are uncertain of your decision they have no reason to doubt or mistrust you. A better question would be what do you trust. If they don't trust you, then conduct a transaction with someone whom you do trust.
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sharkymartin
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I believe that the only reason someone should give their child away is because they cannot afford to raise the child. One day the baby is going to grow up and they are going to want to know why they were given away by their mother. They will wonder just how important they were to you if you gave them away even if you could affford to give them a good life. The baby is still blood family to your parents, they will accept him one day.
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Rockstar222
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Hey your rich, why not keep it...?
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??
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It's not shameful to give up your child but it's rather evil of your parents that tried to force an abortion on you.
I think you're very stressed out right now, that's why you're here to chat.
To Ms Betty, you should be ashame of your self to bash any birth moms, I read her previous questions they're all adoption related, she's from another culture and comes from a different ethnic background, I really hope you don't give your bad advices to anyone on Adoption, you're pretty bad at it.
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nialennay
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Well this decision is as personal as having a baby is. You chose not to abort.
Do you want your baby? Ask yourself this question.
This is AMERICA! You can do what u like. If you believe you will be a good parent then have your baby. Raise her. Teach her as only YOU can.
I am so happy to hear that you decided to bring your baby on the earth. Sounds like your parents are selfish and traditional. Sometimes, and I understand cultural differences,( my husband is Persian), we have 2 break the cycle.
This is your body and YOUR LIFE! And your baby's life.
Do you want to see her grow up? What about her father? Just brain storm the pro's and cons. Ask yourself... Who can do a better job?
No way my family and I would have ANY kind of a relationship If my baby was shameful to her. I wouldn't care what they did or didn't do we would survive it ALL!
I'D be DONE!
I had a baby at 18 and I am a preacher's kid. I felt shame. But guess what...NUTHIN lasts forever. Folks move on and if they don't that's their baggage. Not mine. No children slip by God. Lots of people havin sex not all of them havin babies. Whatever you do, have no regrets. Take allllll the time you need to figure this out.
Pray.
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Linda L.
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its your baby, your life. dont lissten to what your rich parents say!
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mzteajae
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There is no shame when it comes to a child. You are shamed if you put your child up for adoption b/c you are stable. There are more legitimate reasons people put kids up for adoption. But you, yourself have no reason. It would just be plain selfish on your part.
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Princess
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Yes....You should keep the baby, you loved the baby enough to give it life and now as the baby's mom your job is to continue to love and care for you child,,,don't worry about them this is your baby It is not a shame to be a mother it is a precious choice that you will never regret
Your family will love your child beacuse they love you and it is a part of them too.
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meghananne23
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((HUGS))
No, it is definitely not wrong to put your baby up for adoption! In fact, it shows what a responsible, loving and thoughtful person you are. It is a wise choice.
Even though you are financially well off, it is still perfectly okay to make the loving decision of adoption. It takes aLOT more than $$ (time, patience, giving up your free time, basically giving up your life) to raise a baby.
THANK-YOU for choosing life! KUDOS to you for making a wonderful decision!!!
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editorsheri
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There are so many couples out there who so deserately want a baby and will take excellent care of it. If you do not want to raise the baby, by ALL MEANS, give these other families a chance to love him or her.
This is not shameful (forcing a daughter to have an abortion is!) It is actually quite a beautiful thing for you to do for an infertile couple.
Good luck to you.
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i LOVE my BOYTOY!
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First off i would like to congradulate you on keeping the child in the first place and not having the abortion .. its not the childs fault
if its not the right time in your life and it could ruin everything for you its best to to what you think (adoption) .. in the long run the baby will be with someone who really wants a kid and will be love you most likely will have regrets that could make the kid depressed and feel unwanted
i think your making the right choice, but if you want this kid dont be greedy about money and have it your happiness is imprtant dont live for others live for you and you are the mother so make good choices for the baby
good luck, and god bless you the baby and the choice you make!
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StacieG
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If you feel that you can't adequately parent the child, make an adoption plan for him/her. Seek out an adoption attorney or agency to help you find the right adoptive parents & go from there.
Making an adoption plan is about more than money, it's about whether or not you're ready to parent the child.
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bought2B2Babies
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If anyone can answer me this I would be grateful for life!
Why is it so horrible to be a single mom? I think some of the strongest parents are single parents wether it be a female or a male!
If you kept the child then there must be something in you that is telling you that you are able to support this child and don't want to give it up.
But if you are seriously gonna give the baby up for adoption then I give you props for that cause you didn't go straight to the abortion clinic and have it done.
But in my honest opinion, No I don't think that is a good reason because you're parents have NOTHING to do with you raising your child...If you have the financial stability which you seem to have then why give it up? What shame is there? Is your family in polotics or something to where if you raise this child by yourself they are gonna be shunned from society??? I think that shame stuff is a load of bullshit! So many people find that as a way out of a situation like that(not bashing you) but if your parents are that worried that they TOLD you to have an abortion than maybe you should cut some ties there for a while til they can grow up a little! Not everyone who has a baby is married! I have 2 daughters with my husband but before we were married I gave birth to both of them so does that make them illegitimate? I'm married to their father and I was with him almost 5 yrs before we got married...does that make me shameful or my kids shameful? I apologize for the hostilaty but that is by far not a reason to put your child up for adoption but as I said before Adoption is a WAY better thing to do than abortion just because your parents don't want to look bad.
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Rob
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I can't answer that for you, and neither can anyone else. But one thing is true: you have done nothing wrong, and nobody should pressure you into making a decision like this.
If you feel that your child will be best off with you, keep him/her. If you feel he/she will be better off with someone else in a good home, adoption is an option.
There is no shame, you have done nothing wrong. The only thing wrong here are he people trying to force you to do something you don't want to do.
You know in your heart what you want, and you should do that.
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evelyngrz
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BI***! That's what you are. If you are "financially well" then why won't you take responsibility for your own actions and take care of your baby. And i read your other question about your sister adopting your baby. How could you live with yourself????? I know I couldn't. And I know that if I was as "stable" as you are, I wouldn't even think about abortion or adoption because I would be sure I could take care of my kids.
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Miz D
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I think you had a good reason to put your child up for adoption. Your child will have a chance to grow up in a loving home with parents who are not ashamed of him/her. Being financially well off with a stable career does not make you a good parent. Good luck.
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help
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i think u should raise the child...
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Jenny W
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I think you are doing the right thing. Thank you for not having the abortion. There are so many loving families who want nothing more than to have a baby. I wish you only the best in your future.
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emnari
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without knowing much about you I can only assume you are not from the US ... or if you are you may be of a cultural background unfamiliar to most.
Its never wrong to give a baby the right to live, whether it be adopted out or raised by you, they are gifts from god.
I understand the shame it would bring to your family and its up to you though on whats in your heart ... do you love this baby? can you live without your family's honor? do you feel as if a piece of you would be always missing if you give the baby up??
You need to decide but never feel you need to be judged by others on your reason to place a baby up for adoption. Do what's right for you and know that what you decide is the your decision and no one elses!
Good luck
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Doodlestuff
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The fact that your parents are willing to throw away their grandchild for their convenience should tell you something about them. I think you should keep your baby and cut your ties with your parents to a bare minimum.
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Nellie
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This is a very personal question... but, in my opinion, if you have the means to support a child, keeping it is a perfectly viable option. Nowadays, there are many single parents... being a single mother isn't the shameful act it was 20 or 30 years ago. I think it's generally religion that still shuns single parenthood...
So, if you keep the child, you may alienate your family because of their beliefs... but if you want the child and believe that you can offer it a loving and full life, there's no reason why you should have to give it up.
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Kat
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If you believe your child will shame you, and bring disgrace to your family, then yes, by all means, put the child up for adoption.
If you keep the baby, and raise them with the attitude that they are an unwanted mistake, what kind of damage do you think that will do to your child?
Give your child a chance to be adopted by a loving, caring family that genuinely wants a baby.
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Big Daddy!!!
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keep your child, you have money for daycare. dont worry what friends and family have to say. keep your child with you, think about it. bd
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connie
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If you can afford the child and be there to raise the child, then keep your baby no matter what.
If you can't then yes put your child up for adoption. If you decide to do this then its best to have it arranged, so they take it at the hospital.
Good luck on you decision.
( Connie mom of 4 boys )
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parental unit
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What shame? Your family has some messed up values if they think its better to kill the baby than to have it "out of wedlock". Many many babies are born to single mothers, if anything you are at an advantage by having a stable career and not needing to depend on family or the government for support. But if you don't feel that this is the right time in your life t raise a child then opt for adoption. But take time to make sure it what you really want to do, if you change your mind after the baby has been placed with a family you will break their heart.
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Billie A
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Fast forward life we'll say 5-8 years from now. The child finds out you were well off, had a stable career and were able to take care of them. What would your answer be to the child for giving it up? It wasn't me, it was my family who thought you'd bring shame. Would this be a good answer if it were you who were the child?
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Mom of 2
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If you dont want to raise your child alone then by all means give him or her a chance at a family that will love him no matter what.
If you WANT to keep your child, keep him or her. People raise children alone all the time. Is the father involved? If he doesnt want anything to do with the child it may be harder on that child without a father in his or her life.
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bunnyrabbit_78219
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It what your heart tells you to do. No one can tell you what you can do. Its up to you. There is nothing wrong every decision is right.
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Jen
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You do what feels right to you. It's your life. Don't let your family influence your choice. Good for you for at least carrying the baby! :)
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magic pointe shoes
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I'm worried for you. You spoke about considering adoption a while back, and you are mentioning it again now. I think the time has come that you seek some counseling.
You need to know what is coming. This uncertainty will not disappear while waiting for the birth of your child without some knowledge and insight of what the impact is for either option.
I know that culture values have a lot to do with this question, so I won't try to be ethnocentric with my answer.
I think you need to know the impact of becoming a mother would be. See if you can get your hands on a copy of "Mothershock" which describes the transition of changing into the role of mother.
You need to form a parenting plan. I know it sounds like it isn't necessary when you are planning on adoption, but you cannot decide to relinquish until after your baby is born. You can create an adoption plan, but in order to really make the decision properly, you need to be able to look honestly at both plans and be able to put either plan into action.
Did I read your second paragraph correctly and your parents don't know you are still pregnant?
Seriously, the best advice to this question is seek counseling immediately. (preferably not from an agency, and one that understands adoption issues... I'll edit in a moment with a link of how to find a counselor.)
Edit to add:
How to find a therapist who will meet your needs pts. 1 and 2
http://birthparents.adoptionblogs.com/index.php/weblogs/finding-a-decent-therapist
http://birthparents.adoptionblogs.com/index.php/weblogs/finding-a-decent-therapist-part-two
Mothershock
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1580050824/mothertalk-20
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