Is placing a child for adoption a selfless or selfish act?

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cathrl69	It depends on your reasons for doing it! I know, 100%, that I will be an awful parent, then it's a selfless act. I can't be bothered with this kid, then it's a selfish act. Most parents will be somewhere in between. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

elaeblue	I think it is a selfless act. The mother can't for one reason or another care for the child and gives it to another family to raise -- so it recieves everything it needs. Definately selfless. And lets face it if the mother were a selfish girl - she would probably keep the babe even though she could not care for it. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

вяєєzу™	I think this depends on the situation If you know you won't be able to take care of this child, or may cause harm to it, so you decide to put it up for adoption, this is probably the best act to do. For both you and your child. Also, I think the only reason someone would place a child up for adoption is because they can't handle the responsibilities, which is sad because people who aren't responsible enough to handle their responsibilities shouldn't have babies, but unfortunately it does occur. Unless the reason is otherwise that, yes it probably is a selfless act because it is your own child and helped give birth. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

hugsandhissyfits	Really i don't think parents know what a job it is to take care of kids..the two teen drop offs in nebraska are tall tale signs of how much money and dedication it takes to raise a kid the younger years are easy and as teens all the emotions etc For girls.lol i havent seen it so much in son. i was adopted a bit older 6 its hard adjustment. we got my brother when he was like 3 days old they handed him to my mom in card board box.. from the nuns...he is mid 30;s now.Been a great addtion to our family. but i honestly feel as though its the right thing to do if you cannot afford a child its huge undertaking to pay for health ,food,clothing and regular care...so i admire the people who do it and say i cant do this right now but i would love to give to someone else..and make their lives happy. although i would like yearly pictures etc...just for my own being. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Ryan	it depends on the situation, if you give up for adoption because you simply dont want to take responsibility that is selfish. if you are because you cannot provide, or the baby will be better off with someone else, then that is a good thing and a correct decision. better than abortion either way. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Gothmom3	I don't think its a selfish act at all .. if you had a unplanned pregnancy i think it is better to give your baby up to be adopted to a nice family who can't have kids then to go and abort it. My husband was adopted and he has a wonderful loving family. He has no hard feelings towards his parents for letting him be adopted... everyone has there reasons. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Courtney C	I think if you are capable of taking care of the child then it is selfish to place the child up for adoption. The child needs a parent. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Cool Hal	This is a difficult question - I was adopted in the 1970's in the UK and things were very difficult - my birth mum lived at home and was engaged to a guy who once she found out she was pregnant did a runner she found that he was since married with 9 children. (I think they were Irish Catholics) which is proper hardcore religion (certainly in the 1970's). I believe she was put under pressure from her father who was a bully - she lived under their roof so fill in the gaps. For her (and me) it was the right choice - although still pisses me off. However nowadays in the UK there are so many choices our social benefit system is over generous and teenage mums have access to free social housing (often brand new), state funded benefits and they are not encouraged to work until the child is 12 (however my feelings on that are well documented on other pages on YA and I must not rant). Additionally birth Control is more widely available and education in schools and youth-groups more accessible. So I think that it now a selfish act on behalf of the birth mother. I am putting the normal caveats of rape, abusive relationships etc are outside of my thoughts Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

misskate12001	Placing a child up for adoption is acting in the best interests of the child. That would mean that someone else's well being is more important than your own. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

sp33dstix	It really depends on the circumstances, if you have no way of taking care of a child I think adoption is the best thing to do. On the other hand, I would still try and be in contact with that child when he/she gets older and tell them the truth. On the other hand if you can take care of a child and still put it up for adoption that would be considered an selfish act. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

sunny	I would say CLUELESS or SELFISH. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

mizorange22	I think it can be both selfish and selfless. People do things for many reasons. I almost gave my daughter up for adoption because my family was very unsupportive and they were pressuring me into it. In the end my true feelings won out and it's been a struggle but it will work out in the end. Changing priorities, realizing what one can provide for their child, and what they can't. I think I wanted to adopt her out so her life would be "perfect"- as if her life would automatically be better than imperfect me. No-one is perfect and no-one's life is perfect. No family can be "perfect". I'm sure every woman who has decided an adoption has done so for many reasons-- some selfish perhaps, some selfless. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

lahdh4	Neither Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

sillypenelope	There is nothing stronger than the bond between a mother and her child. When the mother comes to the realization that she can't provide everything that she wants to provide for her child, her heart breaks. I know this from experience. Love is sacrifice and deciding to let your heart be broken so that your child can have a better life with a family that can provide a brighter future is one of the most selfless acts you can do. My heart is still broken and it's been years. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

anastasia beaverhausen-the real1	i think it is a demented, coerced act. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Keisha J	Only if you could absolutely love and provide for a child and you still give them up for adoption is it selfish. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Freckle Face	Neither Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

mtwaites	No I don't think that putting a child up for adoption is a selfish act. If you seriously do not think that you can look after your child, then the best thing is to put them up for adoption. Ask the adoption agency or the people that will get the child as to whether you would be able to have visiting privileges once you have placed your child up for adoption, and then you may be able to still see the child, but they will be cared for. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

leilah	neither, but I don't support adoption as you're denying yourself a joy of getting to know a little soul as they grow up. A child needs to get to know their real family eg. cousins, aunties. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

skiddly dee	My mother was adopted, and she also put up 3 of my brothers for adoption. My mother's mother put my mom up for adoption because she got pregnant out of wedlock, and was from a Menonite family that shunned her for it. She found her when my mom was 17 and has spent many years trying to make up for it (by giving her money). There is no real connection between the two. In her case, she could have probably kept my mom - so I view that decision as being a selfish one. My mom put 3 boys up for adoption after I was born. She couldn't even raise the two of us she kept, and we had to live with our grandmother (who adopted her). I eventually found one of my brothers (the youngest), and he'd always wanted to know "where he came from". My mom claims that she never really wanted to put him up for adoption, but had no choice, as she couldn't impose any more on grandma than she had already been doing with us. Also mom was a bit of a party animal. So, although she would like to portray herself as having been selfless, I honestly think it had alot to do with selfishness. She wasn't ready to take responsibility. If it were selfless, she would have done more to not get pregnant, not once, but six times (one miscarriage). She would have had more restraint. I do believe it was very, very difficult for her to go into the hospital, and walk out empty handed. I think she's been consumed with guilt. The grandmother who adopted my mom wasn't a nice person. So, I believe mom would have been better off with her natural mother. The parents who adopted my youngest brother seemed pretty decent. They gave him a much better life, and far more opportunities than he otherwise would have had. In effect, he is a bit spoiled. I introduced him to my mom - and he was thrilled. But she wasn't so much. There was no real connection to him on her part. So, in my experience with adoption, the act of putting the child up for adoption has been more selfish than selfless. It's the parents who adopt who are selfless, for the most part. Maybe they want to establish a "family", and that's the only way they know how. But in the case of my brother, his adoptive parents really sacraficed a good deal more than would have otherwise had to. My mother, on the other hand had no idea who she was giving him up to... My mother's mother knew she was giving her up to a cruel woman. Overall, it's better to keep your baby if you can, because of the chance you can relate to them. There are lots of "differences" between my brother and his adoptive parents. Similarly there were many "differences" between my mother and her adoptive parents. Those differences often caused lots of friction. For me it's very clear that I think like my mother, and am very much like her in many ways. But my brother is absolutely nothing like his parents, and even though they seem very decent, they don't get him in ways I think my mother would have. Unfortunately she did do what she thought was best for him, and overall I think it was. Sorry so much info... But it's the easiest way I could think to explain without sounding too cold that I think it's more selfish than selfless. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

C K Platypus	I think it's both. But mostly selfish. If I knew what I know now or if I was the person then that I am no, I would have never placed my daughter for adoption. Nothing can make up for that seperation that I imposed on us. Nothing can make up for the identity issues that my decision forced upon my daughter. If I had raised her, she would have never wondered whether or not I cared or whether or not I loved her. So I say selfish mostly. I'm not sure she would be the same person if I had raised her and I'm happy to know that she is a happy and well rounded person. But with hindsight, I wish I had raised her and held her and loved her. However, I wonder if I would be so dedicated to holding and loving the children I am raising if I hadn't made the decisions I did in my youth... Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Felicita1	It is neither. In 98% or more of cases, the mother wants to keep her baby BUT does not have the option. She feels pressured or forced by lack of support, lack of finances, or pressure on her that "her baby deserves more." This is not a "choice". This is a form of rape, of violation, of having something valued forced from you. And just as rape or coerced sex is sexual exploitation of women (or minors), this type of action is reproductive exploitation of women (or minors). Is a woman who gets raped "selfless"? No, but I'm certain that a lot of rapists would consider her to be such, especially if she doesn't file charges or speak out against it. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

monkeykitty83	I don't think it's inherently either. I think it can be done for selfish or unselfish reasons, but it depends on the mother's own mind and motivations. I'm not going to claim it's either one in every single situation. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Heather Leigh	I am leaning towards selfless only because I rarely have seen where mothers place their children for adoption for selfish reasons. I understand that most of the time a mother believes this is what is best for her child, but many times whatever is going on that makes her feel that she can't be a parent are only temporary problems. I also believe that many people that have no connection with adoption are quick to point out that placing a baby is a "loving and selfless" act. If they were to look at it from an adoptees point of view though, they might change their mind. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Gaia Raain	I don't think it's either. Both of those terms imply that the decision is made based on the "self", when in most cases, I believe that the decision is based on others. Adoption agency workers, counselors, lawyers, CPS, PAP's, family members, societal attitudes, etc. are usually more involved in making the decision (or pushing a certain decision) than they should be. In the end, I believe that the mother herself had less to do with the decision than other people did. Therefore, it's not "self-"anything. I don't know if that even makes any sense... Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Problem Child	It could be either...it depends on the situation. However, I believe that most of the time it's an act of desperation. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Camira B	I'm going to, once again, refer to one of my blog posts, since it answers the question. "It's funny. When you think of putting your baby up for adoption, nobody thinks of you as selfish. I however, disagree. When I had originally entertained the idea, it was for selfish reasons. Well, mostly it was fear. Fear of not knowing what to do. I believe, but feel free to correct me if I'm wrong, but every mother-to-be, and father-to-be for that matter, no matter how prepared they are, have an underlying fear that they won't know what to do, or will do the wrong thing. That's basically how I felt. However, there were selfish reasons also. I was worried about not being able to go to Hopkins like I'd been planning to. Not fulfilling my dream of becoming a world-renown physician. When my precious boy was born, however, everything changed. I admit I was terrified the first time I picked him up and held him, but I found that I didn't need any type of instruction, nor did I need any type of instruction when I fed him for the very first time. I just instinctively knew what to do. Then, the first time he opened his eyes and looked at me, I knew that I no longer cared about going to Hopkins or publishing in journals around the world. I would give it all up because nothing was as important as this amazing little guy that was staring up at me. Giving up someone for your dreams - that seems selfish to me, but giving up your dreams for someone else - what could it be other than love?" Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Lori A	I have to go with depends on your reasoning. as much as I hate to see anyone go through it, I still believe it was best for my daughter. I was keeping her away from my family. But there were no guarantees she wouldn't end up in the same type family. that was the mistake I made. I was naive enough to believe they all got the pool and pony. she did get a good family but it could have very well gone the other way. That would have killed me. ending up in the very thing I was trying to keep her from. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Laurel J	Neither. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Not Adopted	Adoption is often selfishly used by men to escape the responsibility of fatherhood. Nearly ALL mothers want to keep their baby, but the fathers often disappear or promote the idea of adoption so they won't have to pay child support. Men of the world, STEP UP and take care of the children you create! ETA: OMG, there's an agency hack spewing propaganda. Next we'll hear that black is white and left is right. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Sly	I believe that adoption is almost always the desperate act of a powerless woman who has exhausted all of her own resources and is preyed upon by people who take advantage of her vulnerable state. Neither selfish or selfless on her part, but VERY selfish on the part of the people who didn't or wouldn't support her and the people who benefited by her loss. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No