Is it ok to totally rename a 9 year old who is going through a stepparent adoption?

Show all answers

Post your answer

reneem1954_2000	I think only if the son wants it changed to that. It is his name and by 9, he and his friends are already comfort with that. I think he is old enough to decide. Another suggestion if the boy agrees is to use the whole name but still call him by his first name. You will have to remind him though that he needs to use his "legal" name on imprtant documents. Don't forget to notify social security and get him a new card. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Toni B	This sounds like a hang up he has b/c he is adopting your son. If he really loved your child, he wouldn't ask him to change his entire name, just his last. And besides, have you guys asked your son if he wants to change his name? HE is the one who is going to have to go through life with it and his input should matter. I know he's only 9, but at this age, they have the ability to say yes and no to what they feel. Ask him. Sit down and explain to him WHY his stepfather wants to change his entire name. Give him the opportunity to say what he feels and then go from there. I guarantee that the transition will go a lot smoothly if you guys involve this child in something that alters his life forever. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

mommy2squee	How does your SON feel about it? He's nine.. that's old enough to have an opinion. I would say, if he would like to change his name, then go for it! If he objects, then don't. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Lillie	Tell you husband he should change his name instead. I mean it makes about as much sense, doesn't it? Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

tish	there is no reason to change this child's name. unfortunately, your husband is being a bit single-minded here. the fact that your son's bio-father is not involved is irrelevant. this child's name is his identity. not merely an extension of a past relationship. i vote no. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

tom li	well, no matter how old the child is but he should have the right to decide if he want to change his name or not. and it is not for a parent or step parent or anyone eles to decide. think about it. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

proudmama2braeden	no dont change his name, that is who he is, his father is a totally different person that your son. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Sarah	It's too late. If anything, it should be up to your son- if he feels strongly enough that he wants it changed, then perhaps as his mother you might consider it. NOT up to your husband in any way. And honestly, I'd think twice about him adopting my son if he were acting that way. I hope there's a better side to the story than what I've seen here. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

jenk1972	You don't want to change your sons whole name. He is too old. If you force him to change his name now, you are telling him that he is not good enough, that he needs this change to be loved and accepted. Change the last name and leave the rest alone. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

daddys_angel_baby_love	NO THATS WRONG think of what ur son wonts Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Ed C. (SFECU)	Absolutely NOT! My present husband wanted to adopt my two youngest sons. My oldest was of legal age. He is functionally the only father my third son has ever known. Our conditions were that if he adopted them - they would retain their entire names (no changing of last name either). We only wanted to protect my two youngest who weren't old enough to not be forced to live with their biological father (alcoholic) if anything were to happen to me. It would have also made my husband legally responsible for any of my childrens debt. It didn't happen because my ex-husband threw a fit - even though he rarely see's them. Adoption, legally or emotionally, should not wipe out any history of their biological heritage especially their name. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Mr. Blank	I think this is a resounding NO! A child's name should never be changed, hell, I don't even believe in renaming dogs that I've gotten from the pound (who's original names were still known). A name is an identity, and unless he's in the witness protection program, he has no reason to change his identity. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Jethro	no. by 9 this kids name is his identity. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Wendy	no it's totally not ok. even if your son says that's what he wants it's still not ok - he's a kid and that is a big decision. even if his bio dad is not in the picture your son's name has nothing to do with that. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

cxavier3@yahoo.com	no Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

lish	NO!! I cant believe you are even considering this. Your name is your identity, it is who you are. You grow up with it and everyone knows you as it. Changing it, especially at his age, could result in serious mental and identity problems either now or later in life. Tell your husband to grow up its not all about him and you're son was there before him. Protect your child missus. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Joco L	I think thats kind of rude, and its not just HIS decision to change YOUR childs names. Besides, your kid seems old enough to know his name, and to go and change it is kind of ridiculous. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

spydermomma	Oh my goodness, Sharon, how could you even think of doing this? How could your husband think of doing this? Your son has known himself by this name for 9 years and it is interwoven with his identity. He is not an infant and not a pet and at 9 years old his first name should only be legally changed if he begged and badgered you about it for years. I would stop the adoption right now, because insisting on changing your son's name is not the behavior of a loving father. This is the behavior of a spoiled and insecure child -- not someone I would want to coparent with! You were married to someone else. You had a child with someone else. Your husband needs to grow up and accept this. And you need a backbone, girl! Why are you asking a bunch of strangers? You know the answer. Stand up for your son. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Isabel A	I actually know someone who this happened to. His mother would have his stepfather adopt him and would change his name to whatever the new stepfather's was. She married three different times after she divorced his biological dad so by the time my friend was eighteen, he had lived with four (FOUR!) different first and last names. He was extremely screwed up as a person. Please do not change your child's first name at age 9. You will regret it. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Freckle Face	Hey, I learned the answer to that question earlier today! Its a big, fat NO. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

jm1970	NO IT IS NOT OK....and I'd be very concerned with your husband's disrespect for your son's past and his apparent insecurity. To even suggest that at 9 shows it is all about him and his ego. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Moggy	Ugh..NO And for those advising that you ask your son and explain to him why your husband wants to change it...talk about a guilt trip on a 9 year old into doing what his stepdad wants. And I changed the name I used when I was 8, but it was completely from me and after a year of nagging, and only to my other first name. Changing your son's name will not make your sons father no longer exist, and was your son was named just after his father or was there more connections to fathers family? In which case...most definately not Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

wellphed420	Absolutely not! At nine he is old enough to remember things for life. Just because bio dad is no longer in the picture, that does not mean he never existed. Your son is going to grow up someday and ask why his step father renamed him. Leave it to your son to decide if he wants to be his father's name sake (when he is old enough to decide) not your husband. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Lori A	Only if your husband is willing to change his whole name. That way he can understand how upsetting it will be. DID YOU READ JEN'S ANSWER? THIS HAPPENS, ESPECIALLY SINCE 911. THIS WILL BE A LIFE LONG STRUGGLE FOR THIS CHILD. Thank's Jen for sharing your story. I have tried to explain this and people don't think I'm telling the truth. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

jgf5822	omg. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

grapesgum	Oh my GOD!! This makes me want to cry. In fact, I think I will cry for your poor son. I am thinking back to when I was 9 years old. I knew what music, books, and activities I preferred. I had an inkling of what I wanted to be when I grew up. My favorite color was blue (still is), my favorite class was math (a math major), my favorite pastime was collecting fossils (still is), my favorite ice cream flavour was cherry (still is). My identity was formed. So is your son's. Jesus, Joseph, and Mary - when will our culture stop treating our children like objects instead of the thinking, feeling humans that they are? Dump the A$$HOLE. Your son is a person not a thing to be relabeled and remodeled at your convenience. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

sunny	I mean this with all my heart--I think you should DUMP your husband ASAP. Your boy deserves better than this immature, self-centered man lording over his life. There is a large red flag waving! Take heed, more trouble ahead. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

LaurieDB	You are right. It's not appropriate to change his name. If, when your child is older, he decides on his own to change his name then so be it. But, I think it's rather unfair of you husband to want your son to change something as intimate to who he is as his own name. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Jen	Just a brief story for you: I was adopted by a step parent at age 8 and my name was changed to reflect his name. For some reason this also changed my official birth certificate which was re-issued to claim the step parent as my birth parent. Fast forward 20yrs. My step parent (although I know it is not always the case) was a horrendous parent and abused us so I wanted to reclaim my original birth name. I had to pay to have my name changed BACK to my birth name and although I can access a copy of my original birth certificate it is stamped in big red letters with NOT FOR OFFICIAL USE. This means that I still have to use the ammended birth certificate with my step parents name on it in combination with my "change of name certificate" to prove my identity. Last year I applied for an Australian passport. I am an Australian citizen and have been my entire life, I was born here to Australian parents BUT my step parent was English. When analysing my paperwork for my passport application I was advised that my birth certificate indicated I was born to my step parent and my birth was not registered for 8 years after I was born. According to the passport office this was "dodgy" and I had to go to great lengths to prove I am who I say I am. What I am trying to say is that I STILL don't understand what gives anyone the right to alter an official document such as a birth certificate. I have spoken with my mother about this and how selfish I believe she was to change my name and how much I resent that for the rest of my life I will have that low life listed as my parent on the official documented record of my birth. PLEASE DON'T change your sons name. That is up to him to do when he is old enough to understand. Your husband should understand that he married you & took on your son with his name. If you want to make things easier on your son in terms of being part of the family just casually change his surname to match your family name but DO NOT change any official documentation as you will regret it in the long run. My mum is so sorry for what she "thought was the right thing to do under the circumstances" and it will never rest easy with me that she did it at all. Good luck. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Andraya	Uhh NO! Changing a nine year olds name would be cruel. Seriously. Why is your husband feeling threatened by a child's name? If the bio dad is not in the picture the name isn't really a reflection of him... It is a reflection of who your son is. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

smilingsomewhere	NO. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No