Is it horrible?

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Mary G	No it is not horrible. If you are involved with an agency please do not let them talk you into changing your mind. They will try very hard to do so. Coercive tactics will be used, they will tell you all manner of things to try and make you believe you can be a good mother to your baby. (Zina is a lovely name by the way, family names are a wonderful way to stay linked to your heritage) Tell the prospective adopters now, please don't wait. Yes they will be uspet and hurt, but in all honesty they will get over the loss of "Their baby." They are in love with the ideal of this baby, not the real baby. That comes afterwards. You are you childs mother and the bond between you did indeed start the day she started to grow inside you. The bond between mother and child is a wonderous thing, and nothing will ever break that bond. There are many supports in place for young mothers, those include the girlmom website and adoptioncrossroads. Origins is also a wonderful place to get the information you really need about your options. Including your right to parent your child. I am a member of the Board of Directors and we do have resource lists and a myriad other things that will help you in your decision to parent. As for telling these people that you have changed your mind, I think I have to agree that e-mail may be easiest. Sounds really tacky I know, but without a face to face meeting it may be easier for you to stick to your decision. The pap's may try to coerce you in to going through with the adoption with the same coercive tactics the agencies use, and with emotional blackmail. NO not all of them would do that, but keep in mind it is possible. Do not let the prospective mother go to your appointments with you. This is your time no elses, and for your own peace of mind no one who is not supportive of you decision should ever attend appointments with you. Pap's attending appointments is a sublte yet coercive tactic used in some cases to make you feel as if your child is already gone from you, and it is wrong. Please don't listen to the naysayers on here, they don't think about the lifelong consequences for you or for your child! IF they did they would not say such nasty things would they? Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

REBECCA	When you have the child, if you want to keep it. Do. Do not worrrry about other peoples opinions or hurting their feelings. You do not want to regret this for the rest of your life. You will know when you have it what you want. Try to be very very sure. Good luck, I know this is an extremely hard decision for you. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Elizabeth	I'm pro-abortion but it looks like it is a little too late for that option. Alas, you really only have one choice now: keep your child. You don't owe those people anything. You owe your child everything. Think about it. And Zina is a nice name. Good luck! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Super Girl	You have the right to change your mind. It is YOUR baby. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

GeorgiesGurl	gurl..you go ahead and keep your baby if thats what you wanna do because whatever choice you make is gonna effect your life...so no its not horrible i actually think its beautiful do your thang mama! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

my cat had a baby....	Go for it! I'm sure the couple will completely understand. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

sk8ergirl0330	if you really want to keep the baby, then do it... she's your own flesh and blood. you can sit down with the couple and explain to them that your feelings have changed. they will more than likely understand... besides, there are many other children in need of families that they can adopt Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Sophia K	no it is not horrible Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

michelle_my_belle16	I think what would be a horrible thing to do would be if you were to give this baby away without being 100% sure you're doing the right thing. And you're right, you're not this couple's last hope, if you do decide to keep your baby, they will find another baby to adopt. You still have time to make up your mind, but this is a very important decision so take the time to make sure it's the right one for you and your baby girl. Good luck Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Esquire Angel	If you are having second thoughts, TELL THEM NOW!! Do not wait until they get more and more attached to this unborn child. They deserve to be told sooner rather than later. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Cindy	it's not horrible. it's your baby and your decision to keep it or not. most woman who choose to give their baby away at the beginning of pregnancy end up not doing it. good luck! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Pallavolo Girl	First of all, congrats on the baby! Second, it's your child! Shouldn't you be able to choose what to do with her? I'm sure the family would understand your situation, and if there are plenty of families, they have other options. Pregnacy is a beautiful thing and most definitely effects the mother of the child! Tell them as gently as you can and give them tons of reasons why you are starting to feel attached to her. It will all work out in the end, just don't put it off any longer! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

freetrinity	It is YOUR child. Nobody can tell you whether you are too young to have a child, or too old, or too poor, or otherwise a priori unfit. Nobody has a right to criticize the name you chose either. It reflects your heritage and family history, and therefore is priceless. This kind of connection also happens to be the one thing that an adoptive family cannot provide. Sounds like you chose that name to draw strength in order to keep your child, so by all means stick with it. The only thing I would advise is not to keep the prospective adoptive family hanging. Tell them as soon as you decide. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

April	honey..this is ur child....if u want to keep her then do so...just make sure u let them know bcuz u dont want them to keep hope of something they never goin to have...this is not something that u can just hand to them..were talking about ur baby...it takes time...ur probobly a young girl...but we both know that if u are..then u shouldnt be doing what u was doin and there is ur consequences.. but the consequence isn't a bad thing...if the god above meant for u to have this kid then do everything in ur power to take care of it..give her the life u never had...maybe this can change ur life for the better...so just think about it..theres alot of help out there..u can do it...but whatever u decide to do..good luck.. just remember "everything happens for a reason" Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

CP	It is perfectly normal to feel some remorse that you might hurt the couples feelings -- but that should not be the reason you decide to follow through with the adoption. If you think you want to parent then you need to make sure you have a plan of action that address all of the reasons that you chose adoption in the first place. Be honest with the couple, tell them that you are having second thoughts and that you need space and DO NOT bring the wife along to your appt.! You have plenty of time to make a decision. Best of luck. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

NIKKI C	Oh some of these posts are so mean! You have a RIGHT to that child. I had my first at 19. I was living with my parents, didn't have a job or a car, just started college. NOT a good time to have a baby. I NEVER once considered giving the baby up. I started working at a day care to learn how to change diapers, feeding, schedules, etc. I worked my butt off to support the baby. Now she's 2 and I live on my own, bought my own car, I'm almost done with school and I work at the day care she goes to. It IS possible. It probably would hurt that family b/c they're looking forward to it but right now its your decision to make. There are thousands (maybe millions) of babies that NEED adopted b/c their parents don't WANT them or CANT keep them. It is YOUR decision. Just think about it long and hard! Good luck with your decision. Either way, congratulations on the blessing of carrying a baby! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

♥♥Bren♥♥	It's not horrible! It's normal that you want to keep your baby and no, you're not their last hope. I'm sure they'll be dissapointed but they won't blame you. They can still find another girl! It's not like you're the las pregnent woman in the world! Try to find the way to tell them you want to keep your baby in a gentile way. Good Luck! =) Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

mommy2squee	This is hard... very hard. First of all, if you are even thinking about changing your mind, let the agency/ family know NOW. Tell them thank you and goodbye. You can always change your mind again later, and decide to place after all, but don't string them along if you are even the tiniest bit unsure. Adoptive parents get very attached to the IDEA of a child. Let them down now... not later. DON'T take her to your appointment with you. Remember you don't OWE them anything more than an explanation...you certainly don't owe them your daughter. If you are at a loss for words, tell them that you have decided to make your decision AFTER the baby is born.. that you have just started to feel her move, and now she is suddenly REAL... not just the idea of a baby...and you need to take your time to reach an informed, adult decision about something that is going to affect your family for the rest of your lives. If you have family support, if you have childcare, and a job or school, if you feel you are ready to be a parent.... then be a parent. You have to have a good support network, though. Being a single parent is about as tough as it gets. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Julie R	It is not horrible!!! This is YOUR baby. What's horrible is surrendering your precious child in order to spare someone else's feelings. Of course your baby is not their last hope - there are far more adoptable children than there are prospective adoptive parents. Yours is an example of why expectant mothers should never ever be considering adoption. Adoption should not even enter an expectant mother's mind until after the baby is born and they spend the first critical hours and days together. First, it puts too much emotional stress on the mother and her baby (yes, the baby experiences it too). They will suffer for it, no matter what the outcome. Second, the emotional bond that the mother feels with her baby gets stronger as the pregnancy advances. Agencies and PAPs too often take advantage of this and pressure the mother into making an "adoption plan" early in her pregnancy, hoping she will maintain her commitment to them. Surrendering one's child to adoption is not a decision that should be made in the whirlwind of hormonal changes that occur during pregnancy or in the days, even weeks, afterward. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Justice	You are your baby's mother and always will be. The prospective adoptive parents are responsible for their own feelings. You are not responsible for their feelings. It was their risk getting involved with an unborn baby and the baby's mother. It would be nice for the couple to back off and let you get to know and care for your baby yourself. You may be young but you are growing up fast. Pregnancy and giving birth are going to change you tremendously. Take care of yourself. Take care of your baby. The nice couple will take care of themselves too. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

rachel t	If you're are doubting it now, it will forever haunt you. Keep your baby. You need to explain this to her ASAP! Thats when its mean, when you Dont let the family know whats going on.. They deserve better and you should trust your instinct and keep your baby. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

grapesgum	No, it is not a horrible thing to do to this couple. This is your child not theirs. They have no right to go with you to the ultrasound. In fact, I think that it is wrong for them to be there. This is your time with your Zina and no one else's. I think that you are very sweet to care about their feelings but the only person that you need to care about right now is Zina. It is understandable that they will be hurt and upset, but in the end, they have no right to your child. Edited to add - Please ignore the comment from the CPS bully. You will take care of your daughter just fine. If CPS bothers you in the hospital tell them in no uncertain terms to that they are not getting their greedy grubby hands on your baby. State CPS offices get bonuses from the federal government for placing children for adoption. And as megahan stated, their bonuses come a lot easier by grabbing infants, because older children (greater than 2 yo) are hard to place. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Andrea	At the end of the day it is your child. So if you want to keep it then you should. To me it doesn;t matter about anyone else in the world other than yourself when it's concerning your own child so think about it alot more and then when you've made your decision let the couple know. I'm sure they'll understand if they were in your position. Hope everything goes well for you :) Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

catwomanmeeeeow	No, it's not horrible. I'm sure lots of pregnant women go through the same emotions when they're thinking of putting their baby up for adoption. It's completely understandable, and you should look for support groups for people going through the same thing. If you dont have one in your area, you could even talk to online support groups, and definitely to a friend. Good luck! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

surlygurl	It is all right for you to change your mind. You are the mother of your baby and you are the one who chooses. If you decide to keep her, just commit to being the best mother you can be and don't worry about the couple who wants to adopt. Yes they will be disappointed, but you are not anyone's last hope. I am in favor of adoption, if that is the choice of the birth mother, but you know that any child will want to know why their mother had to give them up. If you feel you can and want to raise your child, that is one question she will not have to ask later on. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

discoroyuk2002	Its your child, and you ultimatley decide its fate. If you want to keep it you go for it girl, theres plenty off support out there if you want it. Good Luck Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Heather B	This is your baby and you are under no obligation to give him or her away to anyone. You don't owe your baby to anyone. Here's a link to something I think might help http://www.girl-mom.com/node/34 http://www.cubirthparents.org/booklet.pdf Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Andraya	This is YOUR choice, a choice you are making for your daughter and yourself. This isn't about or for them. You shouldn't feel guilty for wanting to do what is natural, and trust me it is totally natural to want to parent your own child. If you choose to parent I suggest you be as up front and honest with the adoptive couple as soon as possible. At the very least tell them that you are unsure about adoption at this time and pull back from them. Go about the rest of your pregnancy as though you are keeping your baby. If you choose adoption when all is said and done then you can contact them. Pregnancy is your time, it is not the time to be groomed into a good little birthmom who will passively hand over her child. If you are not 100% sure you want to place your child for adoption then please, please pull back from the adopters. I highly doubt that they will be unavailable to adopt your daughter should you still want them too AFTER she is born. Please don't give away your child before you even meet her! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

hopelessmagic	I was a young Mom too and I thought I wasn't ready. I had everything prepared to give my daughter up. When the day came, I had her and they were going to take her out of the room to the adopting couple. Instead, I asked to see her because I wanted to see what I gave birth too at least. Turns out, I had kept her. It wasn't a big deal. Sure the couple was disappointed, but as the birth mother you and the birth father have first rights to that baby. They'll get another baby. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

othfashionlover♥	It is your child. You are having it. But, if you decide this, tell them soon so that they don't plan too much Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

ebmid2	Yes, it's horrible to tell people that they're going to have a baby, then say, "Just kidding! Ha ha!" But that's not the worst part. The worst part is what will happen to your baby if you keep her. You sound like you aren't able to do a good job raising her. Sounds like she won't have a father around. Kids need a father, and it'd be incredibly selfish of you to force her to grow up without a father just because you weren't strong enough to give her up. But hey, there are advantages to having girls who grew up without fathers. The world needs strippers. In about 18 years, your daughter could be one of them. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No