Is giving a baby up for adoption an act of love?

Show all answers

Post your answer

tera	Mu husband and I adopted a little girl about 3 years ago. We we were chosen by the birthmother when she was 2 months away from her due date. She had gotten pregnant and decided not to marry the father. Then she felt she couldn't give the baby all the things she wants her to have. Because of the great love she has for her, she placed her for adoption so she could have a better life than she was able to give her at that time. We are so blessed to have been chosen to raise this little girl. Giving up a baby is a GREAT act of love. And the love continues to grow, between all of us, as our daughter grows. We still send letters to her birthmother so she can know she did make the right decision in placing her with us. Now she is married and has a daughter of her own. She knows that we gave her what she couldn't at the time. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Katie D	How could it not be? Somebody who gives birth to a child realizes that they are not capable of caring for them and puts the child up for adoption is the most loving self-less thing you can do! The alternative is abortion or raising a child in a household where they are seen as a burden. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Liam's Mommy	im am pro-life, so if the choice is putting a child up for adoption or abortion, definetly adoption! By allowing a child to live you are doing something good. I would rather see a baby put up for adoption than killed anyday Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Marie C	As an adoptive parent, it's hard for me to answer this question. I would like to say yes, but I think that in most cases, it's more an act of desperation. I'm guessing that in the majority of situation, the birth parents COULD NOT parent the child. Their first choice would have been to keep him/her, but they were simply unable to do so, based on the circumstances in their lives at that time. I have never told any of my children, "Your birth parents gave you up because they loved you." I have always said, "Your birth parents were not able to keep you because of the laws in China." They have always accepted this, and as they've gotten older, they also understand that it was an act of tremendous courage for their parents to defy the law and place them in a safe location where they would be found quickly, even at the risk that the parents themselves would be discovered. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

LaraSue	In some cases, yes. Some women make a very informed decision to place their babies for adoption. In my daughter's case it was very much an act of love. Not that it made it any easier for her to do so. But she loved her child enough to make a hard decision, and put herself last, in order to put her child first. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

lady_bugs	Well I can speak from experience. I have placed a baby up for adoption. I think at the time, I was just real young, the father left and I already had a 7 month old. Well, let's just say I was lonely, slept with a man who didn't care for me either and was barely able to make ends meet. I struggled to keep me and my daughter afloat, I worked full time but still did not qualify for financial or should I say government assistance. I was always stressed and NO ONE around to help me. I gave my son up for adoption because I knew I would not be able to handle him adequately. I met the birth parents and gave the baby up. It was the hardest emotional thing I ever did. I cried for months after ward. No one understood. They would tell me, how can you give your baby up, that is a part of you, you need to keep your baby. But were they helping me take care of my other child while I was at work, were they helping me when I had car trouble, were they helping me when I didnt' have enough to pay my bills, were they helping me when we hardly had any food. Granted I made some bad choices about my partners but why should my children suffer for my stupidity. I knew I would not emotionally or financially be ready for another baby and I gave him to a family who was loving and yearned so long for a child. A big part of me wanted to keep him because for 9 months I had this little being growing inside me and then all of a sudden I wasn't pregnant and didn't have that little baby that constantly moved around in my belly any where around me. It was as if I had a death in my family. My bio son is now 5. I do have an open adoption and I am thankful for his parents and thankful that he is surrounded by people that love him sooo much and happy about my decision. If people think that placing a baby for adoption is bad then they probably haven't experienced what it is like to really want and pray for a baby and not be able to have one. I could have easily done the cowardly thing and had an abortion, but then this family would not have this beautiful baby boy. I have learned that life is a precious thing and if you can't take care of your kids, someone some where around the world is more than willing to take them. While choosing the parents for my son I had tons of couples talk to me and many had so many disappointments with surrogate mothers. There are so many people out there longing to have a child of their own. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

islandhobbler	yes it is, back , way back when i was preg with my 2nd child when my first and very ill 8 month old, i had made up my mind to give up my 2nd for adopt, there was no way i could care for a 2nd child with the limited funds and attention and energy after my sons needs came first. we both were only working part time jobs and living in a one bed room shack and over ran by mice, my father was ill and my parents could not help, his parents were foster and had 5 boys at home and had their hands full. i felt the best thing for my 2nd was to give him/her up to a family that could best love and give what the baby needed that we could not give. a few weeks after i had miscarried. giving up a baby is a act of love. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Cam	Well yea, in most cases I'd say. As a woman I can't think of anything more difficult than making the decision to place your child for adoption. I don't think a woman makes that decision just to please a couple of people that she's never met (Paps). She does it because she feels it is in the best interest of her child. If that isn't an act of love for her child then I don't know what is. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

I love my Baby Girl!!!	It depends on the situation. If you know you are a bad parent and won't be able to give the baby a life she deserves, then i think it's ok to give your baby for someone else to raise who can give them the life you can't... But i don't mean just cause you think you can't. I mean like, if you are a crack addict, then yeah someone else will love that baby. But If you give your baby away just cause you don't know who the dad is, or you don't really like to work, or you think you still need to have more fun in life... Then that's selfish!!!!! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

psphaw	definitely yes.... when u know ur not good enough for the baby.. or ur not smart or strong enough to get through the hardships. putting the baby in a safer or better place is an act of love... it's far better than holding on to your pride! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

xo_crystal_xo	Yes I think it is an act of love! I was adopted when I was 12 and Im so happy my mother gave me up, plus me and my fience are going threw to be a foster to adopt family! If a the bio parents cant care for the child then they are making a good choice of giving them what they deserve! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

HappyMomAnna	I am the mother of 4 children--two by birth and two by adoption. My little ones are siblings we adopted from foster care. We adopted 2 of 5 children born to the same mother--with another due anytime.... The oldest was placed at birth--and then our daughter was born.... except no one even knew---and she was kept, abused and neglected for 4 years--never saw a doctor, took a bath or had a real bed to sleep in.... She was rescued when her brother was born....due to complications their mother went to the hospital.... A few months ago my daughter who is now 10 years old was asking about her siblings and we were talking about her older brother.... I had to say I didn't know where he was, and that his adoption was different because mom "A" decided it was best to let him be adopted right when he was born.... My little girls answer to this information was, "Wow, that was a nice choice for him--I wish she had felt that way for me too..." My daughter clearly considers the fact her older sibling was adopted at birth was an act of love. She also understands that her mother loved her too--but, wasn't able to care for her children.... Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

surfnerd	maybe some of them are selfish and just want to go out and party! some of them have there kids snached away. MOST ALL LOVE THERE KIDS Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

sunfreeze	adoption has so many sides to consider that it's impossible to figure it out with one generalized question. the bottom line is that there is a child, a choice was made, and now it's up to the people who made that child, and the people who parent that child, to guide them through life the best they can. the child may have a good experience with the adoptive parents, they may not. i believe that if you're going to have sex, you're going to have to be responsible for whatever may result of it. if you're not ready to parent, dont have sex. it's like cooking a meal when you're not hungry. no point in it (forgive the bad analogy) but for whatever reason, people are still having sex even though they dont want children. it's good that they dont abort that child. that baby didnt hurt anyone, has no control over their circumstances, and deserves the chance to live. everyone's lives are riddled with abuse and horror and pain and sadness. NO ONE is unaffected by it, whether they're adopted or not. and if a woman decides to give her baby up for adoption, that's that. it's the lesser of two (or more) evils. keep a child when you're not ready and that child will suffer. abort the child and (hopefully) you will suffer. give them up, you'll both suffer, but hopefully their adoptive parents will ease the suffering. adoption can be a good thing if the adoptive parents are doing it for the right reasons. a child should never be a replacement for the baby that never was. it shouldnt be an act of charity. you cant just "give them back" if you didnt get exactly what you wanted. it's not going to be easy. you should involve the first parents as much as possible in the child's life and always be supportive and understanding of what the children are going through. the very last thing im going to say is addressed to all the thumb-downers. if you've got something to say, say it. this is a discussion, and a debate. when adults discuss things (in a positive manner), they say what they have to say as respectfully as possible. a thumbs down is an equivalent of a "f*ck you" in a civilized discussion. there is no place for it, and it's immature and unnecessary. if you have something to say, speak! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Torrejon	I believe that my bparents gave me away because having a baby to take care of would have made their goals harder to achieve. It was a selfish decision. However, it was a great decision. I was raised by people who had higher ethics. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

grumppopotamus	My first thought was something along the lines of, "No. Hell no." This probably came because most relinquish their children because they don't WANT children at that time. So personally, I believe that relinquishing your child is SELFISH. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

mommy2squee	as opposed to dropping her in a dumpster or at a "safe haven" site? yes. it is also an act of extreme desperation. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

jessica300	I find it strange that you would ask people who have never surrendered a child to adoption to answer this question. How would they know? I think this is one reason that there are a lot of myths and misunderstandings about adoption, people are putting their opinions out there about situations they know little about. I don't disagree with all of the answers, but there sure were a lot of ignorant answers given, too. I love my son dearly, I always have and I always will. Adoption is a completely different issue that has nothing to do with the deep love that I have for him. Adoption isn't about loving my son soooo much that I surrendered him - nope. And it's not about not loving him either. No, I don't think about adoption and get all warm and fuzzy inside. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

annie m	im adopted and that never sounded like love to me but its hard to argue with it because im adopted Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

anastasia beaverhausen-the real1	imo? selfish as heck. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Elizabeth	NEVER. Mothers who abandon their children to the adoption industry are selfish and narcissistic. Some of them, I'm sure, are looking for thanks later on for not aborting. As a childfree woman I can certainly understand why a woman might not want to be a parent. Great, have an abortion. Abandoning children, stealing their families, their identity, their history, is nothing short of child abuse. Adoption should NOT be an option for mothers. You breed the kid, you feed the kid. Bed. Made. Lie. FTR my married parents abandoned me into a closed adoption so they could finish college in a timely manner. My mother should have had an abortion, I'd never know the difference. An abortion would have saved me from a life-time pain and horror due to the insidious and soul crushing destructive nature of abandonment/adoption. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Theresa	That's a pretty messed up message to drill into a little kid. Your mother loved you, so she left you. Love = leaving Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

snow flake	There is no way as an adoptee, I can ever accept that the reason I was given away to strangers was out of love. That is so messed up to say to an adoptee. The truth of my relinquishment is that my mother's father screamed and screamed at her, called her names, told her she was stupid, and TOLD her she was giving me up for adoption. Did she want to? No. Was she forced to? Absolutely. Sure, no gun was held to her head when she signed the papers, but psychologically she was terrorized into it. The mental anguish that it caused her and me has led to a lifetime of pain for both of us. Does that sound like an act of love? I think not. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Adopted Jane	No it is not a act of love It is either Selfish all about Me Me Me , wanting to keep partying, going to college, not shaming parents OR It is Coercion at its absolute best (or rather worst) of someone bullying a young girl,woman into giving her baby away I am adopted and I know for a FACT that my mother gave me away to keep on with her lifestyle that she had become accustomed to, one kid was a little prickle in her side for her socializing ways, but two kids hell no that would have been a massive thorn in her partying lifestyle.. So the only act of love involved was for her love of herself and her love or socializing. Adoption is Selfish, Parenting is a Act Of REAL Love NB This is NOT directed at those women FORCED To give their baby up Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Morgaine	I think that, more so than an "act of love" placing a baby for adoption is an act of a scared person who feels trapped, without options and support. I think that the adoption industry preys on girls/women who are scared and feeds into their fears, brainwashing them into placing their child for adoption, without offering them the support and encouragement they would need to parent their own child. I am a PAP. Maybe. I fear I don't feel all that great about the ethics of adopting, which is why we haven't gone forward with it yet. I need to have all the information I can before moving forward, and the more I look into it, the more I don't like what I see. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Stinky Pete	No I don't think its an act of love most of the time. In many cases its an act of desperation. It can also be an act of ignorance when moms have no clue how adoption will make their children feel. In my case it was desperation at first. Then when I made it clear I was keeping my baby it turned into an act of illegal and unethical bullying. I bet if you asked my child's adopters they would say it was an act of love though Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Isabel A	No, I do not think it is. I think a true act of love would be to stick with it and parent one's own child. I think adoption can be an act of necessity, and act of fear, an act of ignorance, an act of need, an act of convenience, an act of worry... It depends on the situation. But I can not equate abandonment with love. I just can't. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Warrior Mom	I'm sorry to have to disagree. Not that the first mom is intentionally being selfish. I happen to have become friends with a first mom from this site. At the time she gave her child up for adoption she truly thought it was the unselfish thing to do. She has been hurt by that decision, and now hurts even more because of what she has learned about adoptees and the way they are impacted by adoption. Had she realized how adopted children are forever impacted; had she been informed of other very real options; had she just been truly counselled, she would never have made the choice that she made. But, the reason it is so easy for first moms to believe that, is because we are all brainwashed to think that way. We hop on a plane and rescue babies from underpriviledged countries because we think we can give them a happy life. We are sometimes so focussed on our own pain at not being a mother, we aren't able to see things from all the different angles. I have come to understand, after learning much from the adoptees on this site, and the first moms, that adoption is always traumatic for the adoptee--not just for a little while, but forever. Yes, they can learn to cope. Yes, they can heal. But the loss is always there. The scars are there, even if the wounds have healed. Therefore, adoption should be the last resort, when a child's safety and very life demands it. Not for other reasons. First moms who are in the midst of making that decision, please look at all your options before making that choice. Mothers of young girls who are about to be first moms, help them by truly being there for them, and helping them make the right choice based on truth, not lack of information. I have a teenage daughter--adopted. I have OFTEN considered the possibility of her becoming pregnant. I know that the first thing I would want her to know is that her parents are with her. Together we will take care of whatever we need to do. She does not have to make choices based on desperation and lack of information. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

a healing adoptee	Loss should not be equated to love. That in itself does not make sense to me. My-aparents never uttered the words "your birth mother loved you so much she gave you up." When people say that it basically means that rejection equals love and that is so untrue. Bottom line our mothers had to make tough choices in their loves, and some of those choices lead to us being apart. Did they love us, of course they did! But we can't go around saying things especially to young adoptees about love and giving up, because sometimes it leads to confusion. I can't read a b-mom's heart as to what lead to her decision. But i just can't utter the words "your b-mom loved you so much she gave you up." Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Freckle Face	Amom here and this is a tough question for me to answer. I'm trying really hard to see this from a first parents point of view. No its not an act of love. Love is something totally separate from adoption. The first mother is trying to make the best out of a difficult situation. Life circumstances play a bigger role like a support system, coercion, finances, etc. It's not because she loves her child any more or less than any other mother. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

TLS	It is the ultimate act of love. Real love is putting the needs of someone you care about ahead of your own. People (both the birth moms and birth dads) who make the sacrifce to give their child to someone else so that child can have a better life are making the most selfless, loving decision they can make. Far from being villified as people who "gave up" a child, they should be praised as someone who "gave" a child to a couple who desperately wanted one and couldn't have one by the ordinary methods. May God bless them all and keep them safe and ease their pain. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No