Im giving a child up for adoption,how do i cope?

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C Wood	You apparently understand your own limitations. If you can't care for him, and if your final decision is to give him up for adoption, you'll need to go through counseling. In fact, going to a counselor to see what other options you have would be a good idea, so that you know you've explored ALL your options thoroughly. There may be some way you could keep the baby. Also, if you decide to adopt the baby out, talk to the counselor about the benefits of an open adoption, where you could be kept in touch with the child and get photos and be able to spend time with him or her when the child reaches 18. cw Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

MmMm delicious	Sweetie this is something really rough... you might consider going in to get some counseling or something... nothing on here.... cause there will always be those jerky people and their rude comments. Don't lose hope and just know everything happens for a reason Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Jill_01	I'd like to give you some advice. My contact stuff is on my profile. If you do adoption, there are lots you'll need to know before proceeding, I'd like to help you. Good luck to you! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

mom0twins	At least your doing what you feel is best and NOT getting an abortion! If possible I would try and find a church group to talk to about it (if your into that kind of thing) the reason i say this is because you mentioned money is tight and well churches are usually free...good luck sweety you will make it through just remember that your doing what you feel is best for this child! And Open adoption is not so bad at least you can see the baby : ) Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

foxfreerider	take relief in the fact that your giving your child the chance to live a life. your doing a good thing Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

MidNight	God bless you. your doing what you have to do, just focus on the child that you will be keeping. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

*	You are very brave and unselfish for the decision that you made. You should go to one of the social services for counseling. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

lee c	I feel your pain, I gave up my daughter for adoption. She is 3 now. You should start finding a support system for your self to help deal with the pain of giving up your child. Write of how you feel every day not seeing your child even though it is an open adoption. You can let go, you will give birth soon. I know I can't give advice every one is different and you would have to learn of what you need to do. I would also suggest looking into support groups for parents who gave up there children. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Mei-Ling	As an adoptee who was relinquished, and then whose mother proceeded to have a second child BECAUSE of my relinquishment... Please please PLEASE don't give your baby up. Your child might never fully "understand" why you didn't keep them. Ever. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

*~EllieBlue~*	I don't think God would give you such a blessing without a way outta or thru it. I think if you are finding it this hard to give the baby up then you should just pray and trust that you can get thru this. Im sure a few years down the road you will look back and say ya it wasn't that hard. I want a baby so bad and being adopted im questionable about it. Or I should say my husband is more then me. I was raised by a wonderful family and I know its meant to be. I just think the choice you need to make is the choice you will have peace with. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Sophie	There are so many countries that do NOT have welfare for moms and children. If you are in the USA, and money really is the ONLY reason you think you need to give your baby up, you owe it to your baby and exsisting child to at least check into social service for welfare assistance. REALLY. You're 18 and you will survive... with one or both of your children. It sounds as though you've already made adoption plans. Just know that you are allowed to change your mind. Don't wait until it's too late. If you need help or a shoulder to lean on, find one... and do what's in your heart. Whatever your decision is. You, in your heart knows what's best. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

KarmaBaby	Call around, ask for support from your adoption clinic. Ask for support from other women have been through it. Go online. Join forums. Go to the library and check out biographies of women who have given up children. Its very hard, and either way you will hurt. Is there noone you can turn to for financial support?? Good luck to you whatever you do, just reach out to people, and keep reaching out until someone reached back to help you. :) Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Beth419 TTC #1	I think you should just deal with it, dont give it up for adoption, I know it feels like you cant takle on anymore, but God wouldnt give you more than you can handle, you'll adjust.. Imagine if you would of given your other child up for adoption, its going to be the same one with this baby Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

anastasia beaverhausen-the real1	well, of course they SAY it's going to be open. they want your kid. they'll tell you whatever you want to hear. open adoption is NOT enforceable. be prepared to never see your kid again, until he'she show up on your door step in 20 years, hating you for abandoning him/her. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

bootylicius	I was 16 when I got prego and it was a hard choice and I kepted my baby I thought about giving her up and could not imagine being pergo 4 9 months and giving the baby up but you have to think of the life that you could give to both of your children, if you know that it won't work love your baby enough to give it a life he deserves to have with someone that can give him all he needs and more. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

AP	first of all why would u get pregnant again? let the govt help you pay. I know it's embarrassing going through welfare but it helps a lot for younger women. My cousin does it but she's actually going to college and making a difference maybe you should do the same. That's something i respect her for. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

casttostrangers	"bc i don't have the money for another one at this moment" It wont always be this moment. Circumstances change adoption does not. "how do i cope?" Not sure you ever do. My mom never has and don't think she ever will. How will your child cope? Adoption is a crap shoot. "adoption is open" Ya think? Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Aubreysmomma01	While I think that is is awesome of you to at least give this baby life, I would hope you would reconsider. And just remember, you have an option to back out until you both leave the hospital, so even if you do go through the trouble of finding a family and all that just remember, do what is best for you. If you hold that baby in your arms and decide you can not do it, then dont feel bad, being with his mom IS what is right for him, even if you cant give him everything he wants... As long as he has LOVE, a warm home and food, you are the right place. GL to you with whatever decision you will make, wither way it is 100% better than abortion. Keep us informed too, I would like to know how you are doing. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Lori A	my daughter is 36 years old. I STILL have problems with my decision. I was so damaged it took me almost 20 years to have more kids. If this is the only things you can do, you have a long hard road a head of you. If you can't imagine it now how are you going to hold up afterward? Maybe you should keep this one and call it quits after that. Get your tubes tied. Surrendering a child is not something any woman is prepared for. If I could find the words to describe the feeling, no one would ever consider it again. Unfortunately, it is something that you can not put into words and you have to go through it to understand it. It is the worst guilt I have ever experienced. And you still have a child to care for afterward. Falling apart is not an option. I disagree with it being easier surrendering a second child. I would think it would be harder. Your first child is hard enough but to already know the bond between a parent and a child and to try and get through this seems impossible to me. Your not going to feel very selfless or giving, or wonderful no matter how many times you hear it. Your going to feel just the opposite. Your guilt and low self worth are going to affect you and your other child. The crying jags last for years. It's not a matter of what are you going to tell your other child when they get older, it's the quality of child rearing that child will receive from a depressed mother because of a decision she made thinking it was going to be for the best. One who is probably going to have to split her time seeking therapy or counseling instead of spending all her time with her child, and will probably be unsatisfied with the quality of counseling she gets unless it's from some one who understands it. Like those of us right here on Y/A. I wish you peace in what ever you chose. My heart is heavy for you and your children. Your lives will be forever changed. ETA: I forgot to touch on my favorite answer of them all here. "It's not yours any more." Bwahahaha. Your bill of sale will not hold up to a dna test. That child most certainly is still mine. Don't think for one minute that signing your rights away is going to make you feel like you just sold a car. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

MS	If you didn't give up your first one, why give up this one? How will you explain to the child when he or she comes looking for you in eighteen years why you kept Number One, but dumped Number Two? "This is your BROTHER, dear--he's almost three years OLDER than you?" Yeah, that'll go over real well. It'll screw that kid up but good. No explanation will do....and you know that. That's why you are upset. Are you certain there's NO other way? You can't find a way to keep both? You need to keep your knees together in future if you can't seem to remember to use reliable protection--and that INCLUDES the old No Glove, No Love...on TOP of something like the pill or the shot or the ring. You're asking about this because you don't want to give up the child. You're saying PLEASE TELL ME WHAT TO DO because you already know what you want to do. You want to keep the child. You want someone to wave a magic wand for you and make it easy to do that. You know, instinctively, that you're not "right" with giving up your second child. See if you can't get some Social Services help, some WIC (you should know about that by now) assistance, some visiting nurse help, and other support. Do you have a mother who will help you? A grandmother? I just can't see giving away Number Two. If you do, good luck to you. It will weigh on you terribly, I suspect. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Not Adopted	KEEP YOUR BABY Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

lotusloops	you must think about him.... He come first Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

DevonChaos	You don't have the money "at the moment", so you are planning on making a permanent decision that involves giving away your own child? There is always help with finances. If you can do it with one, you can do it with 2. I know this from experience. I was a few years older, but I found a way. Think about the future, if you give the baby up for adoption, and they find you they are going to want to know why you gave them up and kept their older sibling. This can be soul crushing. Adoption is something that leaves permanent scars all the way around. You will never recover. The baby will have serious problems their whole life due to this. Really think it over. There are so many resources out there for young mothers. There is no reason for you to do this to yourself and your baby. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Possum	Where there's a will there's a way - TO PARENT. This child - and the 2.5 yr old - will never understand why you chose adoption. Children want to stay with their mothers. They also want to grow up with their bio siblings. Make sure you read this - http://www.cubirthparents.org/booklet.pdf (written by mother's that didn't have the right information to KEEP the children they really really wanted to keep.) And these - http://www.singlepregnancy.com/ http://www.adoptioncrossroads.org/ (click on the left link 'pregnant and need help') http://origins-usa.org/Default.aspx?pageId=51995 http://www.keepyourbaby.com/ http://familypreservation.blogspot.com/ Be very aware - open adoptions are not enforeable by law - and once the adoptive family have your precious child - they may close up the adoption - and you'll never see him/her. Please - reach out for help to parent. You can do it. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Savant S.	That would be so sad... T-T Please don't do it.. I know this doesn't help. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

cruzgirlz3	I don't know how anyone copes with this. If you are feeling this way now,, and the baby isn't even born, maybe you should reconsider. It is not too late. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Anha S	Please consider parenting your child. Where there's a will, there's a way. I was 21 by the time I had 2 children, a little older than you, but I made it work. There are so many resources out there that would help you parent both your children. I'm coming from the standpoint of the sibling who was given away, for many of the same reasons you want to relinquish. The day that I found out I had a sister, an older sister was one of the happiest and most painful days of my life. My mother kept her...and not me. You have no idea of the devastation that brings to an already painful experience. It wasn't just devastating for me. On the day the social worker took me, they walked in, gave her a teddy bear, and took her sister. She longed for me for many many years. Since I found out about her, I have wondered and hurt over the fact that she was worth keeping, but I wasn't. ETA open adoption isn't enforceable. That can go away at any time. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄ƷAℓεx & Aаяöи have my ♥	I don't think it's right for you to keep one child and not the other. The government has programs out that can help you get free medical care, food stamps, and clothes almost for free (at goodwill stores) for your baby. You can also get on medicaid for now so the delivery can be free. It's not right to live off the government in my opinion but that is what they are here for until you get on your feet. Just try not to make the same mistake again. If you put the baby up for adoption I think you'll regret it. Best wishes to you Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

tish	babies do not need: phil & ted strollers jj cole pottery barn furniture baby j crew gymboree classes and a bunch of other material crap. i was 19 and in college. i was unemployed. i made an adoption plan for all the same reasons you are considering. i realized that no body is a better parent for my son than me. we are still together and i've accomplished all of my academic, and most of my personal goals. most of his clothes and baby stuff was donated by a wonderful agency in ohio that helps single moms. i shopped at thrift stores. i got WIC and medicaid, and i was able to do it without giving up my son. you must understand, if you are questioning how to deal with it, that's a strong indication you are not sold on adoption. remember, adoption is a PERMANENT solution to a temporary problem. you will not be young forever. in the end, the final decision is yours. but, realize that the "wonderful" family can likewise fall on financial hard times, be evicted from their home, divorce... also, open adoption is NOT LEGALLY BINDING. that means the aparents can promise you the sun, moon and stars, just to slam the door when the ink dries on the paper. not all aparents do this, but it happens enough that you should be aware. give this more thought. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Kitten	I just left the hospital tonight. I am 21 and gave my baby up for adoption. The truth is, there is no easy answer for you. I still haven't stopped crying. Eventually the pain will fade, but it won't even go away. Luckily for you. it's your second child. The first is the hardest. He was my first, and I'll miss him terribly. You can't just let go. Because you are giving away a part of yourself. Sorry =( Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Gaia Raain	Your baby doesn't need money. He needs YOU. And you need him. That's the way it's designed by nature. This is not something you can move on from. I hope you change your mind. Your baby needs you - not a substitute. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No