Im 16 and pregnant, im thinking about giving the baby up for adoption?

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cynicalgurl_84	I just want to say that you are making a very tough decision. Though you are SO smart for even thinking about this option. Most young women your age want to try to keep the baby because they can "prove" to someone that they can, and in the end, both the mother and the child suffer for it. You are exactly right in your definition of a mother, deciding whats best for your child. Best of luck to you in whatever you decide. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Dark_Fire_Angel	I'm a birthmother so i'll be glad to explain how hard it is. I was 20 when i got pg and like you i knew i was in no way ready to raise a child. I went to the angency catholic socail services where they really would like couples to do alot of open adoptions. I look at adoption books it's pretty much a book that tells you all about them there life and why they are wanting to adopt. I picked out a great couple met with them and I knew i wanted them to be my little girls parents. I email and talk with them as often as i can and i get to be in my daugther's life. But it also true what some people have already said on here that open adoption in alot of states is not binding if they wanted to adoptive paretns can change there minds so if you wanted to choose open adoption be sure that these are people you can trust. The hardest thing you can do is say i want to do adoption and go threw with it. It's a life changing event and really the most painful thing a parent can go threw. I really couldnt tell you how it will be for you because one no pain is the same you have your good days and bad but it will feel like the bad just seem never ending. For me it did get better there is not a day that i dont think about her but i know in my heart i did the right thing for both of us by choosing this path. Her parents love her so much me and her birthfather do as well she has so much love from everyone so she's spoiled rotten. My advice to you is this get as much info as you can on adoption you don't have to decide this and get it all planned before your due date my baby was about a month old when i found her parents so i did get to bond with her. ( would have done it alittle sonner but my baby came early and was in the hospital for about 2 1/2 weeks.) If you see your baby and bond with your baby and want to be a parent then you'll know without the pressure of everyone. I knew a 2 birthmothers both were going threw with adoption then changed there minds. 1 tries to get her mom to take care of her but her mom is already taking care of the 1st grandchild so they are really struggling to survive. The second birthmother after 4 days she couldnt do it like she thought and email the potencial a parents saying how sorry she was and she should have never took her baby and still wanting them to parent. Sadly the a parents didnt trust her and they said they would rather look somewhere else but told her good luck with everything which crushed her. So pretty much sweetie its what your and the baby's father are wanting to do i dont regret my choices concerning my daugther she is loved safe and has a great start in life which is what i always wanted for her. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

seekn2know	If you want to place the child up for adoption I would give you a huge thumbs up. You are at least giving the baby the chance to live. You show maturity just in trying to give the baby a chance at a better life than you feel you can offer so my hats off to you. In order for you to be involved in the child's life after adoption you will need to request an open adoption. An open adoption will not allow you to be mommy but you will be able to have pictures and progress reports of how they are doing and in some cases limited physical contact. Check into it deeper in order to know more. Be choosy in picking out the right adoptive parents so you can have peace with the decision knowing the baby is being raised the way you hoped. The choice is neither wrong or right. It depends on you how you feel, and your hopes for the future. If raising the baby feels right then don't listen to anyone trying to make you give it up. If adoption is better for your life pick a reputable agency or attorney for an open adoption and be very sure to check them out first so you don't get taken advantage of. Best of luck to you. Being 16 is hard. I was married with my first child by your age. Been there, Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

samebutfresh	I encourage you and give you credit for thinking as you are. This will be one of the biggest things you will ever do and I feel you are doing the right thing. Adoption is a huge thing but it will possibly be the answer to someone elses prayers. I am sure there is a couple out there who are waiting for the opportunity and this little life may be there answer... As you will always be the Mother regardless of the choices you will make in the near future, if it is adoption then you need to make sure that you make it clear you want to be apart of the childs life without being the parent. Does that make sense? I am sure there are ways to have an agreement with the adoptive parents that some sort of contact is kept. Whether it is visits or even just regular letters and cards and photos etc. I think you are making the right choice and I hope you have the right support around you right now... Hang in there... Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Bree_zy	I might possibly go through the same thing. Same age and everything. So, if this happens to me, I will try my best to give my baby up for adoption, though I know it will be incredibly painful. But I don't know if I would want an open adoption. I don't know if I could stand that either. You are making a good choice though. Don't listen to the billion people out there saying that you're wrong to do this. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

New York Love	First of all, don't listen to all the ignorant comments that people are making in regards to your question! They are idiots. Your question is very commendable and it shows your compassion and your effort to do what is best for this baby. No ones life is perfect and from time to time we all might make a bad decision. It's called living! You live and you learn. But now you have to make the right choice, for you baby. I think you are looking in to your are weighing your options and that's great! Determining that you may not be suitable to raise a baby is very grown-up of you. There are some many married couples in the world unable to conceive children of their own, your child could be a blessing to someone. As far as being able to remain in contact, would depend on what type of adoption and the family who adopts. You would have to research this. Make sure you pray on this. Do whats in your heart and whatever is in the best interest of the baby. Blessings to you. Good luck Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Amanda	Adoption is a great thing! I have friends from every aspect of adoption.... one of my good friends was adopted and her biological mother now has 4 kids and tried contacting her. My friend doesnt understand why she let her go but now has 4 kids and is raising all of them. My best friend gave her baby up for adoption before I knew her. She cries almost every day because it was the worst decision of her life.She is going to regret it for a while... she still calls him her son which I don't think is right. I myself would not have put my aughter up for adoption. I was 16 when I was pregnant and had her at 17. It was very very hard in the begining, especially because I didnt have anyone to help me! Not even my parents... I would work jobs just to pay for child care! But I got through it and found a career and she is the smartest, prettiest, most caring little girl I know! I have been a very good mother.... Im proud of her and myself for getting through this. Now at 20, I am a eacher and she is 3 and gives me kisses and shares with me and tells me she loves me every day. I have a husband who treats her just like his own and we are a very very happy family.... if you need anything just email me! Good luck and God bless! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Nic@Nite	First of all...ignore EVERYONE who says stupid stuff like "if you can't keep your legs closed, grow up and raise the baby yourself". That may be how they want to look at it, but there are also a LOT of wonderful people out there who cannot conceive and would be terrific parents to your baby. Secondly...the choice to give your child up for adoption is yours and only yours. No one can make that decision for you, not the baby's father, not your parents, NO ONE. There are open adoptions, you just need to be clear about how much involvement you want in your child's life, and whether or not it would be better for the child. Although you may have been irresponsible in the past, giving your child up for adoption may be the best thing for him or her. I don't know your financial status, or if you would have people to help raise it, but from what you say I believe adoption is the way to go. To answer your first question, I haven't been able to conceive yet and therefore cannot tell you how hard it is to give the baby up. I can tell you what I think though. You will probably feel an incredible amount of love for your child, and once it is born you may want to change your mind. I think you should make a firm decision BEFORE your baby is born, and have people who love you stay with you during the birth. That way, you can turn to them when it is time to give the child up. I hope this helps, but you probably want to talk to a counselor in depth about this and also talk to an adoption agency about your options. Good luck! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

*gabriel'smommi**	its a very hard choice for any person at any age to make. only you can decide. u can plan for it. and u legally sign over ur rights(in most cases) about a week after u give birth. so if its too hard for you and u want to keep your baby than u dont have to sign over your rights. i am also 16 and due to have a son in 4 weeks. i had to come to make that decison and its not any easy one to make. i chose to keep my baby and i couldnt be more happier. you might think differently. but if you did decide to put ur child up for adoption it wouldnt make u a bad mom at all Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Evee	Your exactly right, a mother should figure out what is best for your child, and if aren't sure if that's you adoption is a good idea. There are 2 different types of adoption. In an Open adoption, you still have rights to your child, like visitation, and phone calls, pictures, etc. It may be hard for you at first, but trying to raise your child in the best way possible at 16 isn't Just hard, its almost impossible. Be strong, and make the best decision. hope that helps. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

kitsters_mufasa	I did an adoption and I would have to say that being in the childs life would mess with the childs head a little. If you want to be there then think about just being there and not having put the child up for adoption Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Gin	Keep it. Make the babies daddy get a job to support you guys. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Nurse Autumn Intactivist NFP	This is my response to another question, and though her situation is not exactly like yours, it is very similar, I hope you will give what I say some serious consideration Ok, I just want you to know that I kow how you feel, I have been there. I was 19 when I got pregnant and I had my son one month before I turned 20. I am certainly not trying to be rude, but I must wonder, why are you wanting to relinquish you child? Is it because you are single? So am I, and let me tell you, it is NOT as bad as people make it out to be. Now, I DO have the support of my family, and that helps a ton, but I am still the one that provides the support for my son, I am the one that raises him, and I wouldn't have it any other way. If you are wanting a "Two parent home" for your child? Remember, that the divorce rate is out of control, and more than likely, yur child will end up being raised by a single parent anyway. Then what? You loose a child, your child looses his heritage (and YOU, which is all he really wants anyways) all for a situation which is no better than he would have had anyways REMEMBER! You will not always be single! THIS IS TEMPORARY!!! Is it because you are young? Honestly, 20 is not that young. It is an extreamly new development that women wait untill their 30's to have children. I am almost 21 now, and let me tell you, I am a wonderful mother. I love my son more than anything. Age is only a number, you CHOOSE to be a good or bad parent! REMEMBER! You will not always be young! THIS IS TEMPORARY!!! Is it because you are in college? So am I. I am in Nursing School. I go to school at night, so my mom or my aunt can watch Jayden. Going to school while being a mom is not that bad. So you have to move your schedual around a little, so what? I promise, it pays off in the end. Being a mom is SOOOO much more fun than getting drunk every weekend at a frat house. And guess what, you can STILL party sometimes, you just find a babysitter for the night. I have never met a woman that became a mother and COMPLETELY gave up having a little fun every once in a while. REMEMBER! You will not always be in college! THIS IS TEMPORARY!!! Is it because you don't think that you will be able to support the child? I thought that too. I had to move back in with my Mom, I got on Medicaid, WIC, and other government programs. You will get AWESOME scholarships and Grants for having a child. I will end up oweing next to nothing for school. You child does't want a fancy nursery, name brand clothes, and a trust fund, he wants YOU! You are ALL that he knows, and ALL that he wants. A baby is accutely aware of who his mother is immediatly after birth. This is the modern world, people will NOT allow you and you child to go without basic necessities. There are second hand stores that have REALLY cute stuff for next to nothing. REMEMBER! You will not always be struggling! THIS IS TEMPORARY!!! I really hope you do your research (and that does NOT mean asking adoption agencies what they think, they make money from separting you from your child) I also hope that you do not make a decision untill after your baby is born. There is NO rush, why don't you try to parent him for a while? At least then you will know... Here are some links to get you started (you can also e-mail me!!) http://rondidondi.wordpress.com/2007/10/... http://www.originscanada.org/adoption_co... http://www.angelfire.com/or/originsnsw/w... http://www.birthmothers.info/ http://www.origins-usa.org/Default.aspx?... http://www.exiledmothers.com/adoption_fa... http://www.nancyverrier.com/pos.php http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;... Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Felicita1	Is it hard on the parents? you bet. and if anyone tells you otherwise, they are hiding the truth from you. it is one of the most traumatic experiences a mother can go through. and even if you are left in numbness and shock for a few years such that "it seems okay," the pain may hit later. "A grief reaction unique to the relinquishing mother was identified. Although this reaction consists of features characteristic of the normal grief reaction, these features persist and often lead to chronic, unresolved grief. CONCLUSIONS: The relinquishing mother is at risk for long-term physical, psychologic, and social repercussions. Although interventions have been proposed, little is known about their effectiveness in preventing or alleviating these repercussions." Journal of Obstetric, Gynecological and Neonatal Nursing, 1999 Jul-Aug. pp.395-400. One study of over 100 natural mothers, asked them to rate the experience on a scale of 1 to 5, with 5 being "the most traumatic thing that ever happened to me" -- the average rating was 4.5. And the truth is also that teen moms do better in life than they would if they postpone childbearing. giving up your baby for adoption does not make your life better, or increase your education or financial odds. that is what people used to think, but recent studies show that the setbacks are only temporary. Also, if you can't deal with a closed adoption, do not go for an open one. Open adoptions are NOT a guarantee that you will be in your child's life as they are not legally binding. It is still adoption -- you still become a legal stranger to your child in the eyes of the law. You will no longer be related and have no right to see your baby. Adoptive parents have every right to close the adoption anytime they want to. Your baby wants YOU, not someone else. Many moms are great moms at age 16, and parents often turn around and support and cherish their daughters and their babies. There are lots of resources out there, including daycares at highschools and colleges, scholarships for single moms, and every college i know has a parent resource center and often a baby-sitting co-op And unlike the comments here, you will find out the truth that adoption is not an alternative to abortion. You can only make an informed decision about adoption post-birth and a baby is not aborted then. Once your baby is in your arms, if you love that baby, you should keep him/her. If you don't love that baby, then adoption can be there for you as adoption was created to give homes to unloved and unwanted babies. ETA -- The legal truth is that open adoption is NOT legally enforceable anywhere except for SOME older foster kids adopted in SOME states only. You are not guaranteed to get letters, updates, contact, or information. You can be a great mom at age 16. Many women are. See the link to the UCLA paper below. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Zeena	It is a very hard decision. All I can say is think about everything before you make a decision. If you do decide to go with adoption, you can choose open adoption.In open adoption the adoptive parents actually encourage contact between child and birth family. Don't listen to all the ignorant people who have no clue what you are going through.This is your child and only you and the father know what is best. Speaking of the father, is he in the picture? you should probably get his consent if you are going to give the child up. If you are going to keep the baby, it will be a tough yet rewarding decision.I had my first son at 16 and it was difficult but I wouldn't trade it for the world. Good luck. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

johnboy	Your choice is a hard one, but what is best for the baby? Let the baby have what you can't give and know you will make a family happy plus have another chance to go on with your life and make better choices going forward. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Tanisha D	you are making a chocie that is giving a child life and that is self less. you have to weigh can you parent this child. adoption is the answer only you can say , it is loving and you can have a open adoption where you are involved as much as you want to be and even pick the parents call Birthright they can help 1-800-550-4900 God Bless Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

luv3dbb	I think you are amazing and completely unselfish!!!!! It will be hard, but you can know that this baby will grow up in a stable two parent home. I think this is the right thing to do. you are young and you have your entire life ahead of you. You have college, party's, living on your own with friends. There is so much ahead of you. There will be plenty of time for marriage and kids and it will be so much better when you are all grown up and ready for it. Edit: Yes, a Mother does what is best for her child. Most of these people are just out here trolling. Do not listen to some of them!!!!!! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

dolcefiorebabiii	You know what, if it wasn't for my biological mother stepping up as soon as your trying to, && deciding to give me up before i was born I probably wouldn't have some of the problems I do now & have to deal with, now i will tell you this because i believe you should listen to this! like this is my story and i don't let any of my closest friends know it & judge me all you want from this people who read, I don't care, this is for her Okay my birth mom had three children, including me, we all have different dads. and she had a drug problem; i was raised by my two older sisters, until i was three, when i got sent to a family, which had a mother, who had two older daughters, my oldest sister Kathy went to the Mother, my sister Danielle to one of the daughters, and me to another one. I was three, the youngest. after awhile i got sent to another home, i was "too much" for her; i was born addicted to drugs. & the only thing i remember about that home is that it had a snake, only thing! then i got sent to another home, which had 9 other kids, classic case of just wanting me to the money, that i've never seen a cent of; there was no Santa Claus, Easter bunny, it was, this is your gift, get over it. constantly she would say how my mother never wanted me, used me to get drugs, etc. & told me and the other girls we were dirt, && also the place where i was violated & cheated out of a childhood. & finally I got the chance of my life, I went away for a weekend to the family that were looking to adopt. & i loved it, my own room., they wanted another child to love & to have in their lives. & I wanted that family, & i was happy for once in my life. But then I went back to hell, after the weekend was up, and I told them I wanted to stay with them, so i had to go back & get my stuff. I was in the house when the lady came home & she started telling me more nasty things and all this stuff. & my social worker picked me up and told her to shut her mouth. I've been here ever since. They've never told me not to have contact with my sisters, they visit every once in awhile, theyre a few hours away. & My oldest sister Kathy wanted to find my mother, because I guess she really wanted that in her life ( my oldest sisters were never adopted ) & they tell me how lucky i am all the time. My sister Kathy was going into college in a year, then, she met my mother, put college on hold, & asked her to move in with her,. Then she met a boyfriend, make a long story short, shes now expecting her third child. & yes I say my mother ruined her life; my sister later found out that WHILE we were in the system my birth mom was taken care of her GIRLFRIENDS children; which broke my sisters heart. Myself and my other sister Danielle never wanted anything to do with her. I met her once, and after awhile i told her to leave me alone don't call back again, and she hasn't since then, that's how i want it. A few months ago, i went through complete hell, i could no longer keep it up, and ignore it, I thought of myself as that girl that my foster mother said i was. Nothing. I just wanted to find people to love me who i could love. I tried killing myself; i felt like a burden & now I got out of school to be home schooled,. The worse part of this is, I don't know who i am; I've "created" a person who i am today. I don't know what nationally my father was; because my biological mother doesn't even know. my friends , don't know that I'm adopted. I wouldn't say that I'm ashamed of it, I'm ashamed that i don't know where i come from. I obviously stand out in my family, they're Italians, & so many people tell me "well you look mixed, but not italian" yeah so i have very asian eyes, as well as my sister danielle. & dark skin. I tell people that my mom is my biological mom & my dad is my step dad. I know, wrong, but its a lot, im 15; who feels 44 years old. & I tell my mom every day, "i wish i was at white as you. it would be easier, and i'd be accepted" & it sucks, i want to love myself. I don't want to say this is what your daughter would be like., but i know a lot of young mothers, whos kids couldn't be happier. but if you think you cant give that to her look into open adoption. Sorry this is long!! -Kim Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Independ"ant"	If your not that far along...get an abortion. If its too late than raise the baby...it will hard for a few years but gets easier. Adoption is not something you or the child will ever get over. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Nathan	Some would say that love alone can't raise a child, but I think that it can if you consider all that love encompasses. Love leads to action. A mother's determination to give her children a good life can overcome challenging circumstances. I learned this from my hero, my mother. My family was on welfare until my mom finished college when I was around 8 years old. It didn't bother me at all. My childhood was fine. It doesn't bother me now either. Nowadays, I can tell people about how awesome my mom was, from going up and down the block mowing grass so we'd have enough money to breaking her foot and going on to class without seeing a doctor since we couldn't afford it. You've been irresponsible and made a mistake, but who hasn't made some mistakes? You can be an awesome mom if you try. You can do it for your little one. If you're not willing to be responsible and do everything you can to give your child a good life though, adoption is the way to go even though it will bring pain. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

ggirl	Adoption is a beautiful thing and you'll be giving a baby to parents who really want a child. You can do Open Adoption and many of the couples will help you with your expenses or give you money as well. It's a very brave thing to adopt out a child -- knowing that you will give it a better life. I admire you very much. Do a search on Open Adoption with your state name in Google and you'll find some sites that will give you more information. Good luck! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

avi	Would you have any help with raising the baby, should you decide to keep it? I had a child when I wasn't married (I was older than you, though), and I kept my daughter because I had a lot of help and support from my family and friends. It was the right choice for me. I was able to be totally self-supporting by the time she turned 2 and we've been doing well ever since. I'd take some time trying to figure out if there's any way you can keep your baby. Because even if things look bleak now, in a few years you might be in a much better place in your life. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Model Mommy	Asking an online community if you are making a wrong choice is going to give a wide range of controversial answers. This is a decision that you have to make on your own. I however am on the Con side of this issue. At 16, I had an abortion...it was very sad for me and I wished I hadn't done it. You've conceived a life that is only in existence because of YOU, it's a part of YOU. I can't imagine carrying a baby for 9 months and then giving birth to something of MY OWN and just giving it away. I know its very scary for you but being a mother is the best thing in the world. And so long as you're able to love and you WANT to have the responsibility, that child deserves it's biological mother. Do you want to risk being resented when the child is old enough to understand that their own mother gave them away, because "they weren't ready??" I say the minute you laid down unprotected, you were responsible. If you weren't ready you shouldn't have had unprotected sex. So in my opinion giving the baby up for adoption is the WRONG choice. You will regret it. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

☆Jacks Mommy☆	Open adoption is really common. A friend of mine had an open adoption and she recently got married and her daughter was the flower girl in her wedding. She sees her frequently just does not raise her as her own. She picked a great family to adopt her baby. They are usually families that can provide a lot for the child. You can work with an adoption agency or specialist and put in the contract that you want to be able to stay in contact with your child. I think that adoption is a great choice for teenagers. I know a girl who gave her baby up for adoption last week to a Prenatal Nurse and a man who owns his own Insurance Company and they could not have children and they cried and were so in love with that child, they even were at the hospital when she gave birth to him. Adoption is something that is truly selfless and it takes a really amazing person to be strong enough to do it. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Laura O is a Mummy!	I think you're making a very difficult choice and you should speak to a counselor. Only you will know if it's the right choice but if you were to give your child up for adoption, personally I find that extremely admirable and I wish there were more people like you in the world. Good on you for thinking ahead and best of luck to you. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Zuko	No one can answer that except for yourself. If you think, for even a moment, that you might regret it, DON'T DO IT. (I can't remember who I'm quoting here... but it's someone around here and it's perfect, so I use it. ) "It's a permanent solution to a temporary problem." People can sit here and go on and on about how great and wonderful adoption is, but I personally think it's a bunch of B.S. How many of these sunshine and rainbows people actually HAVE experience with adoption? My guess is very few. Being adopted out is like someone flipping a coin for you... either you get a good situation (like some adoptees on Y!A) or you get a VERY BAD situation (like another group of adoptees on here.) My situation was somewhere in the middle. But I can tell you this, though it was hard on my f-mom, I WAS NOT A GIFT. Because I'm not just a thing to be bought and sold or given away. I'm not a commodity. And saying that you'd be 'giving a wonderful gift to other parents' is just plain insensitive to that child. I'm insulted. I'm seething. Things to remember. open adoption agreements are NOT enforceable by law because there are no legal policies governing them. So if you want an open adoption, make positively sure that the AP's will honor that agreement. If you go into an open adoption, your childs new parents can just refuse to let you be a part of their lives and that child's life. They can even get a restraining order and claim harassment should you persist after they've asked you to stay away. Why? Because you terminated ALL OF YOUR RIGHTS to that child. They are that child's legal parents. Because there are NO LAWS that give you ANY rights what so ever once you relinquish. And there's nothing you can do about it once it happens. ONE HUGE THING. By posting this here, you're inviting a lot of different people into your situation. Which can be a great thing when you're looking for different opinions and experiences. But beware of people trying to solicit your baby. Remember that this IS the internet, and if there are people e-mailing you and PMing you to try and convince you to adopt your baby to them, the best possible thing you can do is ignore it completely. There's a reason why these people are using the internet to solicit a child instead of going the legal route. Please don't let yourself get sucked in by them. Best wishes... I hope everything works out for you dear. ----Quick ETA------- ggirl is VERY wrong. The potential adoptive parents CAN NOT give you money for your child. The most they or an agency can do is pay for your medical bills directly related to the pregnancy and possibly certain basic needs should they be required for the health of the child. It is ILLEGAL for them to give you money for your child. It's also illegal for you to accept money for that child. ETA 2: I also LOVE how New York Love is saying other ADOPTEES are ignorant. (Because most of the people who are telling you politely that you may want to reconsider ARE adoptees I recognize from this board.) Yes, because we have NO CLUE what adoption is really like. Give Me A Break Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

tish	if you must have an open adoption than that's a strong indication that you are not sold on giving up your baby. perhaps a family member can have temp guardianship until you finish school. there are other solutions besides giving up your kid. good luck. ps. OPEN ADOPTION IS NOT LEGALLY ENFORCEABLE... Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Carmendie! (:	My mom gave up my sister before I was born and I am not going to sugar coat it whatsoever, it is very very painful. Even for me, to know I have a sister out there that I can't even speak to. But you also should know that my mom had a closed adoption and not an open one. Anyways, my aunt adopted a child after she couldn't have one and she treats her so well and supports her so wonderfully and now that we have seen the other side of adoption we realize how great it can be. I think that since you are 16 and since you have your whole life ahead of you then if you think adoption is the right choice you should go through with it because it will help your baby in so many ways. I hope everything works out and just know that adoption is never the wrong choice but it isn't easy. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Lori A	I chose not to read others responses. I want to offer from a been there done that aspect. Is it hard? you have no idea. Is it best? only you can answer that I thought it was best at 16. It was the beginning of an emotional rollercoaster ride that consumed my life for 28 years. anyone who tells you it is selfless hasn't done it. There are no laws to protect an opened adoption, they can be closed very easily. Research that. I don't know what would have been worse, having an opened adoption or the closed one I had no choice in. I know you love your child or you wouldn't even be pondering what is best for them. I have no real concrete answer for you. It is your decision, but remember that ALL first mothers are scared to some extent. may I offer a few scenarios that I had the unplesant opportunity to be part of. christmas, their birthday (that one's a killer), Easter, family gatherings of any nature, since other family members who chose to parent their children will all know that you chose a different path will be there, it is not their responsibility to not talk about their children in front of you. as the conversations go on you will have to either excuse yourself which draws attention to your raw emotions or sit silently not participating yet smiling and being happy for them on the surface while you are dying inside wishing they would just stop or change the subject. If your opened adoption gets closed you will wonder where your child is, if they are alright, happy, and even at times you will wonder if they are still alive. this is something you do not have a right to know once you sign those papers. Will they hate you for what you did to them, will you get a chance to explain why? Closed adoption carries all the same things that an opened adoption does in the way of questions running through your head. and the will run through your head. some opened adoptions work out very well from what I have heard, some not all. 16 is no excuse if you think you want to parent your child. Women have parented at that age before. Family adoption or guardianship can ease some of those nagging questions. What does the father say? and don't tell me you decided for him. ask him, many men have changed their behaviors when a child comes into their lives, just like women do. contact me if you want more, but don't let anyone tell you it isn't going to hurt. If you have feelings its going to play on them. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Muff	I admire you for making such a unselfish decision inspite of what other people may say. I was 15 years old when I gave birth, and I knew in my heart that I was not capable of giving my daughter what she deserved. Love is not enough to raise a child. It may seem romantic and lovely and fun, but raising children is more work than any other job you can ever do. And you don't get "do-overs" if you screw up. You can't decide that this is boring and leave them at a shelter. It takes a lifetime commitment. Back in the 70s when my daughter was born, I never heard of the phrase "open adoption" You simply relinquished your baby and hoped that the adoptive family would give love and nurturing and the things you couldn't. So, with the aid of the internet (which wasn't available 30 years ago) I was able to "find" my daughter three years ago. She had been raised by a couple who were unable to have their own child. She was a Godsend to these people. My daughter did not hate me or question my love for her. Quite the opposite; she thanked me for loving her enough to put my own ego aside and allow a grown up married couple to raise her. She thanked me for not aborting her. All of my other kids and this first born daughter all get along well and have formed a great sibling bond. I don't believe that babies are accidents. God has purpose for each of his creations. The timing may not have been what you or I had planned for a young teenage girl, but according to His will, the timing was perfect. I hope your family supports your decision. I'm proud of you for giving this the proper thoughts and prayers, as it is a huge decision. If you ever need to talk to me, feel free to email me. God Bless...........and don't forget to take your prenatal vitamins :) Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No