If you adopt a child from birth, when is the time to tell them about it?

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Angelo	When you think they are ready for it. I would say around when they start undersatnding things. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Rebecca	I think it is important to tell them from the beginning. I know that an infant will not understand, but use age appropriate language with the child to explain as they are able to understand. We are adopting and I have picked up a few children's books that I recommend. They are "Tell me again about the night I was born," and "Rosie's Family: An adoption story". I think that reading and discussing how the families in these stories are like ours helps , this is just a place to start. There are also many books for adults that talk about talking to you kids about adoption. I think every child is different, so the age that they will begin to understand and the way in which you explain it to them, will be different for every child. The one thing that I feel is truly important is letting them know that they are adopted so that they are able to develop a true self image, instead of learning that they were adopted as an adult and having to reevaluate there whole childhood, and who they are. I wish you the best of luck. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Golden Ivy	Whenever you think they will understand the most. It would say around age 6 or 7 when they have a bit of understanding it different types of families and a better picture of the world itself. But don't wait till they are older than 12 because that can hurt your relationship with your child because sometimes they think you did not trust them all of the years and they may not feel as comfortable. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Devin's mom	Tell them as early as possible. Make just a matter of fact for them not a big deal. I was adopted just after birth and can't even remember my parents telling me. It was never a factor for me but I remember how upset all of my cousins that I grew up with were when they found out. I don't know what it was that upset them but I think they felt betrayed and that people had kept this info from them, similar to the way an older child or an adult would feel finding out this news. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

aaricka	It is up to the child and how the adopted parents feels they are ready Some are told from day one we pick you out story Other find out at teen years which I do not like, teen years are hard as it is that can be hard to understand Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

BIRRRD	sooner is better. tell them that you love them as your own and nothing will change that. also tell thgat if he or she pleases that when they get older (like a teenager) they can see their real parents (with you there) if she or he wants to. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

LiangMoi	As soon as he or she is old enough to understand I reckon. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

CHERYL	I WAS ADOPTED AT BIRTH. MY MOTHER TOLD ME FROM THE TIME I WAS 2 OR 3 THAT I WAS A SPECIAL CHILD THAT I WAS ADOPTED AND SHE KEEPED TELLING ME THIS IN TILL I WAS ABOUT 5. NOT ALLTHE TIME,BUT SHE WOULD TALK ABOUT THE WAY I WAS PICKED AND HAD SHE LOOKED AT ME AND FELL IN LOVE WITH ME. IF YOU ARE READY TO DO THIS THEN DO IT NOW. IF YOU THINK YOU ARE READY AND THE CHILD IS READY. DON'T WAIT INTILL THEY ARE TO OLDER BECAUSE SO KIDS GET MAD AND GO INTO A DEPRESSION.BECAUSE THEY FEEL THAT THEIR REAL PARNET DID NOT LOVE THEM. SO START WHEN THEY ARE LITTLE AND ANWER ALL THE QUESTIONS THAT YOU CAN. I'M 40 AND I AM GLAD THAT MY PARNETS TOLD ME WHEN I WAS LITTLE BECAUSE I KNOWED I WAS VERY LOVE,I DID NOT KNOW ANY DIFFENTS ABOUT WHO WAS ADOPTED AND WHO WAS NOT. SHE TOLD ME AS MUCH ABOUT WHERE I CAME FROM. LET HER OR HIM KNOW HOW MUCH THEY ARE LOVED AND THEIR REAL PARNETS MADE YOU REAL HAPPY BY LETTING YOU HAVE A GOOD LIFE WITH THEM. I HOPE SO OF THIS HELPS....GOOD LUCK AND I'M VERY PROUD TO KNOW SOMEBODY THAT HAS ADOPTED A CHILD...... Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Cam	The word "adoption" should be introduced to them as early as possible by reading as many of the wonderful adoption stories available. All adoption experiences are different so communicate their adoption story in a positive, age appropriate way. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

ilufthemountains	I think you should just always be open and honest, from infancy, using the words adoption, birth mother etc..... If these are words they grow up hearing they will be familiar ordinary words. As the baby gets older they may wonder what a particular word means and will ask but they'll gradually get the information they need to know. I know several people who have been adopted and this is the way they were told or wish they had been told. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

De	I started telling mine at birth. I would read stories to him about adoption and would point out things like animals who have been adopted. I know he did not understand exactly but I believe as he grows older he will. He is 3 now and I am being a little more specific. I want it to be no big deal Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

sxzartease	Right now and periodical from this point forward. I am adopted i couldn't tell you a time i didn't know that at the same time my dad made a point of letting me know some people accidental get pregnant ,other try hard for years they all get what they get. He however chose me he wanted to be my father. That has been a fall back sentiment for me my entire life. I was never given up or thrown away I WAS CHOSEN. And with it being so understood from the begging no one could detoured me from this understanding. I remember in 1st grade when other children did try to pick on me for it, I just thought and sometimes said how dumb are you i wasn't given up i was fought for i was chosen and wanted , your parents got stuck with you. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

twinsmama06	It is a personal decision. I think secrets make kids feel like there is something wrong with them or the adoption. I am planning on making it common knowledge from the start and celebrating the babies adoption day (finalization day) every year with a special dinner. As they grow older I will answer their questions with age appropriate answers. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

brotherlove@sbcglobal.net	people do not come with a manual to explain all of these things. we have to do the best that we can and hope for the best. I have 3 children, 3 step children and 4 grandchildren and here is my opinion. when the child is old enough to be inquisitive and mature enough to understand you should begin telling them. it should not just be dumped in their lap but presented to them in a way that values them. something along the lines of their natural parents were unable to raise them but cared enough to give them to someone who could. you fell in love with them and chose them to be your child. good luck. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Still Me	The first day you see them!!! When parents start saying loving things, like "We are so lucky to be your parents", or "Adoption is the answer to our prayers" or "Adopting you is the best thing we ever did", it begins to give you the confidence to talk about adoption. By the time your child begins to understand any of this talk about adoption, it will be as normal as saying they have beautiful brown eyes, or such curly hair. The feeling is the most important thing in the beginning. Then you baby begins to associate love and smiles with the word/talk of adoption. Then by the time they can understand even more, you begin to give them information about adoption in general (not theirs), a little at a time. Read an adoption book or two once in a while at bedtime with their other books. Begin to tell them how they grew in their birthmother's tummy and then you becasme their parents, before they can understand it! This gives you time to practice. I knew I was on the right track, when my daughter, at about 18 months, threw her arms around my neck one day, and said "Mommy, I'm glad I adopted you!" Now did she really understand adoption at that point? No, but she certainly felt the meaning! She also wrote a paper in first grade.....reminding me of how I explained adoption to her. She wrote about her birth and adoption in her little first grader words, including that she "loved me even before she was a seed in her birthmother's tummy"! Regarding question about adoption, it is easier than you may think. Short and sweet. Not long and drawn out. When my daughter was about four, she asked where her birthmother was. I said I didn't know. She asked if she had enough to eat. I said that I sure did hope so. She asked why she didn't take care of her? I told her because she couldn't take care of any baby then in her life. That was it. We put her birthmother's pictures in a little album, and she looked at these pictures from the time she was a baby. She always knew that was "her birthmother" but it naturally took a while for her to understand what that meant. And then one day, she asked if she could put her picture in our big photo album. Again, I knew we were doing o.k. She felt comfortable. A few years later, she began to show a couple of close friends the photo, and it just seemed as natural as saying "And that is my Aunt Anne." My tips: 1. Talk about adoption from day one, with love in your heart and a loving smile on your face. 2. Don't tell others your child's personal detailed adoption information before they themselves understand it. (Details about their birthmother's circumstances, lifestyle, age, etc.) This info really belongs to them. They will decide who they talk to about their adoption. 3. Don't overwhelm them with adoption talk. It should be casual and intermittant. It should not drummed into them daily! It does not define them, it is just one part of who they are. 4. Frame your answers about why their birthparents didn't parent them to be about not being able to take care of any child (or another child), not them specifically. 5. Don't sit your child down, ever, and have a big "adoption talk" with them! The old way of "telling" children they were adopted hurt children deeply, because it was a shock, and made some children question their lives as authentic. It also overwhelmed children. I hope this helps!! Goodl luck! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

eve	do not wait until they are "old enough." start talking with your baby immediately. Talk to them about where they came from and how you adopted them and the whole story of who they are and who you are and how you became a family. Get comfortable with the words and the story. Tell it over and over again to your baby. When he begins to understand, you will be comfortable with the whole topic and that's what you want. As he gets older he will ask questions and they will change as he understands more. Do not wait until the "right time." There is no right time or wrong time. Adoption is part of who he is and who you are to him. The easiest thing to do is to just make it part of the conversation from the very beginning. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

blkmiss	I caution against going overboard on the "you were so special because you were chosen." That's a load of BS. The fact is the biological mother had to relinquish the rights so in essence reject.....that's how many adopted people feel. Whomever adopted the child needs to tell the child about adoption first then tell the child they were adopted. I recommend finding a mental health professional to help you out since you sound pretty clueless about the issue. I also recommend going to the library to get books geard towards the adopted child. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Rachel	I am going through something like this as well... only it was a step parent adoption and she is 7 now, and still doesnt know. Had I to do all over, I would tell when they first start to talk... say "you grew in mommy's heart and inside your biological mommy's tummy". I would never make it a big deal and always say it in a positive way. That way, when they are old enough to understand like my daughter is, it wont be stressful on the parents wondering what they will think. Honesty is always the best policy. There are even books you can read your child about this subject. Look for one and read it to your child. You will do just fine. Some babies grow in tummy's... others grow in hearts. Your baby was special enough to be chosen out of all the babies in the world... you chose YOUR baby... be sure to tell her that also. Good luck. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Meli	I would tell him by school-age (5-7 years old). My children take news very well and appreciate the honesty. Be honest. Tell him how much he is loved and how he has blessed your life. You always find on the trashy talk shows that a child of 16 or older is very resentful that they did not know. Good luck! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Jen L	i gave my son up for adoption, His adoptive parents bought all kinds of books on adoption, they even got his kindergarden and 1st grade teacher to talk about adoption, They talked about it from birth really, Yeah he didnt really understand till he was around age 5, but he got the concept a lot better. You wait too long they will get mad. My son is now 7, he calls me angel Jen. He knows that i did it becuase I love him and wanted what was best for him. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

ambros411	Right from the start and keep explaining it as they get older and ask questions Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

do justly walk humbly love mercy	I think you should start from the first day they bless your life. There's nothing shameful in adoption, it is an exciting choice made by caring people. These children are not grown in our bodies, but they are grown in our hearts! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Katie C	Honestly. If it's not a secret from anyone else, it should never one from him. I would keep a picture of the day you brought him home and refer to it as "the day you were brought into our family." As long as it is common knowledge then there can never be hurt feelings. My mother was a single mom and never hid the fact that my stepfather wasn't my father, from me. I always knew his name and was free to ask any questions I wanted about him. I wasn't curious until I started my own family. And actually just recently found him. We had a similar situation with my daughter. She was at our wedding... and we were unsure of how to tell her she was conceived before the wedding. We just left pictures of her at the wedding laying around. We talk abot it whenever we look at pictures. She actually refers to it as "the day mommy, daddy and I got married" Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

AntiguaFamily	I agree that you talk about thier adoption from day one. The worse thing you can do would be to lie to them and not tell them the truth which they might find out for themselves someday and resent you not tellng them. :) We have three children that we adopted and we speak about thier "story" all the time. The story of how we became a family. A great resource that I have used and will give you some childrens books and adult books on how to talk to your child along with other resources available here: http://parenting.adoption.com/parents/talking-to-kids-about-adoption-amp-family.html Take Care! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

GingerBread31	I have two adopted kids. I got them at 5 months and 3 yrs old. We talk about it in our home like it is common knowledge. They know they were special and chosen. I know one day, they will figure out they are "different." I am worried about that so much but I am just going to tell them that God wanted me to be their Mommy and I wanted them sooooooooooo much. I have a apecial advantage of also telling them that bio parents wanted them BUT they couldn't take care of them due to poverty and drug abuse. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

InMyOpinion	I would start young like age 4. Jamie Lee Curtis has a great book about explaining adoption "Tell Me About The Night I Was Born" I think it's called. And I've seen others that look very good. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

wendy_da_goodlil_witch	from the day you bring them home. even if they don't know what you're saying. tell them how glad you are to have adopted them, then say how glad you are that the judge let you bring them home forever. I adopted 2 kids and that's what I did. from what I'd read before I got the first child, and an experience with a friend's adopted daughter, most adopted children have problems with being adopted when they find out they're adopted later in life (like teens) or if they don't associate the word "adopted" with the meaning of the word. there are also some good books about being adopted written on a child's level. you can read them to your child. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

latish_ann	my lil bro is adopted and we have always spoken openly about it in front of him we just tell him that our mom and dad got stuck with us (me 24yrs, my sis 17yrs and my bro 8 yrs) but they got to choose him, he is 4 now and i cant say he understands as of yet, but at least he will learn what it means gradually over the years instead of being faced with it all at once later on Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

kja63	As soon as they are old enough to understand the meaning of the words. I was told when I was about 2 years old and we talked about it for some time until I really understood what it meant. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

johanna c	Since they are born. Say mommy and daddy adopted you because you were special. They will not know what on earth you are talking about but say it anyway. Buy story books about adopted children. Start explaining to them that eventhough he/she didn't grow in mommys belly that he/she grew in your hearts. Tell them they are special because you picked them to live with you. For the first few years they will not know what on earth you are talking about buteventually they will and they will never hat eyou for lying. it will never be a shock just something that they always knew. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

They call me ... Trixie.	I was adopted when I was a week and a half old. I've never NOT known I was adopted. As long as I can remember my parents always talked about how lucky we were to come together as a family even though I was born to someone else. I do not suggest waiting until the child is "old enough to understand". It will be devastating. Don't keep it a secret! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No