I just placed my baby boy for adoption 6 weeks ago... I need some advice please...?

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angie	Oh don't feel bad about missing him. You will always have a part of you that's aches for your child. Being an adoptive mother, I know how hard it must have been for you. In my situation, the girl was 19, no job, home, the father had walked out.So, it was stressful for her. I lived in Kansas at the time where, she had 3 days to change her mind. I knew how much she loved him, because she gave me a gift, I could otherwise never have had. I cant have kids.. my baby making parts just don't work. My son is now 4 and its been a long journey, but the birth mother is still a part of our lives. We did an open adoption. She is also my friend, I knew her before she had the baby. I know its hard for you, and you have a whole life ahead to have kids. But, if it helps, please think of how you have changed someones life for the better, for giving them a gift, they may have never had, had it not been for you. Good luck, hun and I wish you much luck in life. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Kagome	If you are really wanting him back, and you know that you are financially ready to support a baby then try calling up the adoption agency let them know exactly how you feel and see if there is any way you can get him back. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

div2wice	NO it does not make you a bad person because you want him back. You carried him for 9 months... you brought him life. Its only natural for you to be going through this loss. I do believe it gets easier, the more pictures you see of him, the more you remind yourself that this is best for him. That you could not give him the life he needed at this time in your life. You have to keep reminding yourself of those facts. I strongly recommend you get some counceling. This does not mean there is anything wrong with you, ok? But you are going through grief from a loss, and if you don't get a handle on it, it can run and RUIN your life. Getting therapy from someone experienced with grief and loss is essential. You cannot continue living your life full of pain and heartache. I am a bit surprised about the 7 days time limit, most states from what I know of, allow up to 30 days to change your mind. I would double check your state laws, just in case. To make sure that time limit to change your mind is correct. Be strong, I admire you for making this incredibly difficult decision.... you will make it through. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

dlmrgnk	There is no way through grief and depression but to go through it. It will get easier (if you follow the usual pattern). But it will never go away. One thing you need to remember is that it is incredibly easy to make life for a baby VERY, VERY difficult under the best of circumstances. Children who are not in a stable, loving, two parent home find ways of running their car of life off into the ditch almost as certainly as God made little green apples. There are billions being spent every year in this country by institutions trying to help kids make a life when they had a bad start. And bad starts can and do include one parent households, insufficient income to the necessities, lack of love and nurturing (sometimes because a parent of parents aren't home enough of the day), lack of parenting skills, and on and on. You gave your baby the greatest gift it is possible to give. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Sugarcookie	No you are not a bad person for wanting him back. But, you chose adoption for a reason. You shouldn't try to take him back now. I am sure it will get easier in time, you will miss him and wonder about him, but I think you did the right thing. Raising a baby is hard, even when you are stable and ready. You gave your child the gift of life and the gift of a loving family. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Proud	My only advice is that you speak to a professional. Surely there is someone at the adoption agency that you could talk to. A counselor to help you work through all of this. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Jill_01	Oh honey...you're not a bad person. You made a selfless decision for your child to have a better life. Things will get easier with time. Blessings and Hugs! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

beleasha	Only you can answer the question, follow your heart, think of how your life will be with him, are you sucure to raise him, think of the adoptive parents as well, they have had your son for 6 weeks so there is a bond there. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

CherishTheMoment	Makes you human.... Did you sign over parental rights? I'm guessing in an adoption you do! Was this an open or closed adoption. Open adoption the adopted family should have contact, send letters, pictures, and a child to develop a one on one with birth parent, etc. Legally I don't know what your rights are. You could contact a lawyer like a lot here have mentioned. It may get easier but you will always remember. I know someone who just found her daughter she gave up for adoption when she was 16, she's in her 40's now and found her last year. She always talked about her daughter. (don't know where I was going with that) Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Dr. K-C	Unless you are in a better position to raise and care for the child - you are in the same exact position you were before only NOW you are suffering from grief (it is still a loss) and possibly postpartum depression (you did just have a baby). Have you considered requesting limited contact with the adoptive parents in order to maintain a relationship with your child as he/she grows? I could be healing for both of you. You might consider all the reasons you made an adoption plan and what you can do to become someone who will be a great mother when the day comes that you are in a position to raise and care for ALL the needs of a child. It is not easy to do what you have done - and perhaps you are rethinking your decision, but please before you do anything you may regret you need to think about yourself and your baby. It would be weird if you didn't grieve and you should - it will take time to heal and making a plan for some contact with your child could, in time help you to make some peace with your decision. Good luck to you - I am sorry you are in so much pain now, I hope that soon you will be on your way to healing - however that may be. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

yacwithtee	No you are not a bad person, you gave your baby up so he could have the best life possible. Don't allow yourself to get depressed, get up and feel good knowing you did the best thing for your son, since you knew you couldn't give him the best. Your son is in good hands and will most likely come looking for you when he becomes of age. Then you can explain that you gave him up to give him the life he now have, college etc. Never beat yourself up for doing something so selfless. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Er930	Don't feel bad, you didn't do t because you are a heartless person, you did it because you want to get him a better life. Just keep him in your prayers. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

canadiandawn	I placed my son for adoption when I was a teen for much of the same reasons you're listing. I'm in my 30's now and it was the best decision I ever made for him and for me. It was really hard at first. There were nights that I would cry myself to sleep and there were many days I couldn't stop thinking of him. It slowly got better. I promise you it will get better. You may have setbacks once in awhile but it will get better. You are not a bad person for wanting him back. It's your natural instinct to want him - I called it thinking with my heart. My decision was based on what my brain told me though. I remember clearly 11:59 pm on the last night that I could have called and gotten him back. I watched the clock count down and bawled my eyes out. My advice is to allow yourself to cry. It really helps to let it out and talking about it helps as well. I also think that you should see your doctor if your depression doesn't go away. You may have post partem depression. Good luck and bless you for thinking of your baby first. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

poohz_hone	NO NONE OF IT MAKES YOU A BAD PERSON! It just makes you human. I know it hurts and yes it will get easier over time. I don't know if you have an open adoption or not but if you d then look forward to those pictures nad letters. I know that you made the choice for the best interest of your baby and that was the hardest and most important decision you could have ever made. I know that it hurts now but always keep in mind that you did the right thing and put the best interest of that little boy first and that makes you a stronger person although it may not feel like it yet it will. If you ever want to talk more my email is as shown Good Luck and cheer up Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

55chev	Hi young mum, Yes definitely seek an attorney who deals in adoption and try your hardest to get him back but if you can't , always keep him in your mind and heart as one day he will want to know you . I found my birth father when i was 21 and have a great relationship with him. Most all adopted children like myself at some stage in our lives want to know their parents, there is a relinquishing parents register (jigsaw) that you can go on so when the time comes it will make it easy for him to find you !!! Remember it takes a lot of courage to do what you did,my birth parents did the same and even though my mother doesn't want to meet me i still love here just as much and am proud that she did at the time what she thought was best....lol Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

mccabesgurl24	That child will always be in your heart & thoughts. You are 19 yrs old, with your whole life ahead of you. Let this be a reminder to use protection !!! Please see your family Dr. you have alot of things you need to talk about. Its very difficult & you need support. You are not a bad person. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Mom of two	To the people answering talking about how much time you have to sign the papers and/or change your mind, it varies by state. I don't think it makes you a bad person at all to wish you could have him back! It is called being a mom, and just because you are not the one raising him, you are not less of a mom. We have a pretty good relationship with our boys' birth mom. From what she has told me, it gets easier, but the pain never goes away completely. My heart goes out to you, I can't imagine the pain you must be feeling. Please talk to a counselor, I know that as part of the adoption, we offered to pay for the birthmom to see a counselor (one of her choosing...not the agencies) and she said it helped. It didn't make the pain go away, but it helped make it a little easier. She was also diagnosed with post partum depression (which didn't help anything either). Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

MILF	you can definantly fight it in court. tell them that you were under emotional duriess and that you were pressured in to the adoption. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

myst1998	Oh honey... I so wish you had asked someone BEFORE you signed the papers. This post makes me want to cry for you. Obviously no one bothered to tell you the truth before you signed that the best thing for your baby boy is YOU. No one bothered to tell you this as it didn't serve their purposes. Seven days to change your mind... sweetheart your body isn't back to normal for weeks and months after you give birth let alone your hormones so you are at your most vulnerable stage. Most mothers would jump off a cliff during this time if they thought it was the best for their babies and had others in their ear telling them to do it. You are NOT bad for wanting your child back, he IS YOUR child after all. Please, please, call someone immediately who specialises in adoption and or family law. You were not given the correct counselling or told of the damages that can be done to both mother and child so how can you sign when not fully aware of the outcome? This means you don't have a valid consent as you need to be FULLY informed of what you are signing before hand and most agencies don't fully inform you of everything as mothers wouldn't want to place their babies (and rightly so). Sending ((((hugs)))) your way... I hope you can be reunited with your son soon. ETA: OMG, I have just read some of the replies to this question... and they make me want to vomit there is so much selfishness and very little compassion. How can any of you be so blinded by your own needs and desires to tell this poor mother just to be happy and she will eventually get over it? Have any of YOU been in her shoes? NO! Most have either benefited from Mothers who have been lied to or you have fueled the demand that has separated this mother and her child so SHAME ON YOU. Absolutely disgusting and despicable. Incredible how vile the human race can be to each other. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

snowwillow20	It doesn't get easier, it gets different. I feel your pain and I wish I could take it away. You aren't a bad person for wanting your baby back, you sound like a mother. My baby is 36 years old. I still have these feelings even though i've been in reunion for 7 years. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

35nklpkl	Unless, you have an open adoption, you are probably realizing that you may never see him again. That can be painful. You are basically mourning the loss of him. If you feel that strongly, try anything you can to get him back. Understand, though, adoptive parents have rights, too. Keep your chin up, and good luck! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

NH-Adoptee	Hi there! I have never given a Baby up for adoption but I am an adoptee. It absolutely does not mean that you are a bad person to want your child back! I wonder if you contacted a lawyer what they would tell you? Maybe it is worth a try to get him back while he is still so young. I am not sure that it gets any easier or not but I would say that for most First parents it does not. I certainly wish you and YOUR child the very best! I am so in agreement with Anastasia here.......Adoption Does SUCK! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

xlinzx88x	Your problem is that you think you did what was best for him. I got pregnant at 19 and I don't have much money, but I have enough. I wake up everyday and look at my son and I'm so glad that I was never naive enough to believe that two strangers with money could do a better job of raising him. My baby is almost six months, I still don't have lots of money but only I can make him laugh and that means the world to me. Your son still knows you, he probably still cries for you. I sincerely hope that you do rush to a lawyer and save yourself and your baby years of heartache to come. His first Christmas should be with his real mom. Do you really want to go to a grocery store once a week and see happy families with babies your son's age? Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

mscrawdad	Go get him. The person who told you that you only have seven days to change your mind lied. Good luck. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Not Adopted	Immediately contact an attorney who specializes in adoption or family law. Don't waste your time contacting the agency, the only thing they ever wanted was to get their hands on that baby. They DO NOT have your best interests at heart and will work very hard to make you go away. Every time I read one of these stories I want to find the adoption agency and stage a protest. All they do is exploit young women, they need to be outlawed. ETA: To add to Sly's comment about finding a support group, I reccommend finding a group that DOES NOT include anyone who has adopted a child. Those who have adopted will attempt to negate you feelings (just like the people on here are doing by saying "you gave your baby a better life", yada, yada, yada). You have every right to whatever feelings you have, but adoptive parents will fight very hard to make sure their point of view is the only one that is heard....beware. Same goes for any counseling offered by adoption agencies...beware even more. ETA2: AP Angie wrote, "but, if it helps, please think of how you have changed someones life for the better, for giving them a gift, they may have never had, had it not been for you." She just proved my point about APs making it all about them. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

anastasia beaverhausen-the real1	you are not a bad person. but, no, i don't think it will get easier. i wish you could get him back. he needs you. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

aloha.girl59	He's YOUR baby. If you want him, go get him! Find an attorney right away and work on getting him back. It's NOT impossible, but you will probably have a fight on your hands. The thing to remember is: you don't owe anyone your child, no matter what their circumstances. I am infertile and have adopted a child (through foster care) and I don't think I could keep someone else's child if she really wanted him back. It would rip my heart out to give the baby back, but it's best for a child to grow up with his or her biological parents if at all possible. It IS possible for you. Go do it! If you need help finding an attorney or ANYTHING, please ask more questions and give us more details. There are plenty of very knowledgeable people who use this site daily. I'm sure someone -- even I -- can help you. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Camira B	I have to agree with Sly. A legal battle will be almost impossible to win. That being said, key word is almost. Why did you think you wouldn't be what's best for him? Did the agency put that into your head? If so, I would make an attempt at Undue Influence. It would help to know what state you're in. Some states have "best interest" clauses. It does not make you a bad person to want him back. He is your son. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

kitta	young mother, I agree with Maybe: you need an attorney. And since the father has been supportive, it would be beneficial to keep him involved. Two parents are stronger than one. If you contact the agency, they will of course, tell the adoptive parents.The adoption is probably not final yet, but the surrender probably is..still that does not mean that all procedures were followed legally....an attorney can advise you. A family law attorney or even an attorney who specializes in "father's rights" would most likely be most experienced, IMO. Father's rights attorneys are accustomed to helping alienated parents(usually because it is fathers who are non-custodial),but they know how to fight for parents of either gender. Adoption attorneys usually specialize in doing adoptions....and so that is how they build their practice. Adoptive parents are their clients...not natural parents. I would not contact the agency, unless and until your attorney advises you to do so. Let your attorney deal with them.. You must act fast...very fast..and you will need help from family and friends. You are not a bad person for thinking that adoption would give your child the best possible life.But, there are no guarantees in life, adopted or not. You can look on the internet under "findalawyer" for your area, "legal help", and you can check out legal help under different women's organizations. Just google it. Or "father's rights attorneys" or "parents rights attorneys''. Ask around, but only talk to people you can trust. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

rjga16	well I'm only 16 but i will say this i am adopted and don't know anything about my biological parents. which is a big problem for one don't know if I'm gonna get diabetes, high blood pressure and anything of that nature. i don't know what my parents even look like. so if u can still have an relationship with your child it will mean a great deal 2 them. also don't worry about making him feel bad kids these days understand a lot more than what ppl give them credit for. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Sly	Whether you have a chance or not depends on the state in which you surrendered. I don't want to be a wet blanket, and I know your pain, but being very honest, your chances are slim. In many states, it is impossible to change your mind as soon as the signature is obtained, unless you can prove coercion, and that doesn't sound like the case here. I wish you had spoken to a mother who lost a child decades earlier before you signed the papers. My best suggestion, contact an attorney and find out what rights you have. Stay away from the agency. You are now a liability for them, and they will try to snow you and will likely not even tell you the truth. Then, resign yourself to the next (at least) 18 years of waiting for your child to reach legal age and make the best person of yourself you can be so that when your child finds you he/she will find someone to be proud of. Also, find a group of women who share your pain and loss, and they will help you get thru it. You will need to search to find one that share your feelings, and they are there. Don't necessarily settle for the first one that you find. There are good ones and not so good ones. The best ones I have found were online. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No