
2muchlove
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dont eel guilty.that was your only option i guess so feel proud that you gave your daughter a better chance in life.its the best for her if thats how your condition really is..
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katherine l
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Dont give her up, Do you have anybody that will take care of her just until you get a job and mean while you can go see your daughter and spend time with her and everything like that if you want to talk you can e mail me at katherineajsexy@aol.com im a really good listener so anytime you need to talk to sumone just email up and for the ppl you is putting you down dont listen to them hun
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mrs.cruikshank
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O MY GOD!!!
Do not give her up 4 adoption!
Get a job!
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P.Y.H.
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Hey I don't honestly know what you should do with you baby. but if you really have no other choice then I would say give her up for adoption. If you believe in God pray like crazy and ask for his will and what you should do with her. I hope things go ok and that you don't have to do something your going to regret.
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BABY GURL DUE 7-25-09
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Don't you dare let these asshol*s put you down....they have no idea. i had to give up my 2nd baby for adoption last year cause i had no money, no support. I know what u feel like.don't feel guilty. some ppl just cant have kids at all and you are giving them the gift of life. you are making a very mature decision. be proud of yourself that you wanted your baby to LIVE and have a wonderful life with ppl that are most likely gonna be great parents. i wish i could have kept him. But it was the best decision i had ever made. the best best wishes. e mail me at wonderwedding@yahoo.com...p.s. im preg. now 15wk 1dy
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Ahimsa
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Apply for welfare if you have to. Adoption is a good choice if you have nowhere else to turn, but if you think your heart won't heal from this you need to try to keep her. Kids don't need as many toys or anything that people think they do. They need food, shelter, love, and a parent willing to give it their all to give them a good life.
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Just a Mom
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Do not give her up then! Financial hardship is a temporary situation and adoption is very permanant. The guilt would never go away.
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leesuh3838
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do you have any other family members that are willing to take care of the baby for a while? im sorry good luck
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kidmindi
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If you do not want to give her up, don't. You will regret it. Call your local social service office. There is help available to you. You can get what is called TEA. Transitional Empoyment Assistance. It is a check to help you get by until you get a job.
When you are on TEA, social services helps you get a job (the company that hires you gets a tax break). They will also help with training or schooling if you want to go back to school. There are single parent scholarships to pay for education. They will also give you vouchers for child care, so that it won't cost to have your baby in day care.
THere is also food stamps for groceries nad WIC for formula or healthy food for you if you want to breastfeed.
There is nothing wrong with taking the help needed. Don't consider it a hand out; consider it a hand UP.
Oh and don't forget that you didn't make htis baby alone. Go after the father for child support. The court will make him take a DNA test and then he WILL be made to pay support.
If you want to raise this baby you CAN do it. If you need some moral support along the way, e mail me. I have been in a very similar situation. I have never regretted having and raising my child. ad now many years later I am married to a wonderful man and money is no longer an issues. Poverty can be a temprary problem.
And just ignore the asshats that are putting you down.
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Annie G
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As the mother of an adopted daughter, I want to tell you that I think you are very brave and also very wise for wanting your daughter to have what you know you cannot provide for her. I waited 12 years for my daughter and every day I am so very thankful for her courageous birth mother. She loved her enough to let her go when she knew she couldn't do right by her and in my opinion, that is the greatest love of all. God bless you for your decision and know that somewhere, there are two people who are thanking you as well for the greatest blessing of their lives.
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TK
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There's so many things that are not included here:
How old is the baby?
Have you applied for welfare -
If so, did you ask if there is help for childcare while you get back on your feet?
Can you get food stamps (this includes formula)?
Can you get medical?
Why can't you take care of her?
Your age-
Your financial situation-
Your mental state-
If you DO give her up, have you considered open adoption? That way she KNOWS who her bio mom is, but she knows she lives w/ & is raised by her adoptive parents. She may even see you occasionally, you will get pics & updates.
If you DID give her up - what's done is done. It's HARD but you need to move on, look for her when shes 18. Get some therapy to learn to work through your feelings, if you can get medical this should be covered. If you already did this - know that you did it for the right reasons and you did it for HER. You were thinking only of her, and that's what a true mother does.
(((hugs)))
EDITED to add: I noticed you wrote no one is hiring. Look in places you never thought. What about the library (city jobs) or fast food, Starbucks, Home Depot - places are hiring, you just need to be creative. ;)
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Britishbabe
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I'll give you a perspective of an adoptee (which is me) Ask a family member or close friend to take care of her until you get a stable job. It may be hard to do that for a while, but it will be worth it in the end, when you get her back. Don't give her up for adoption unless you really have to, fight for her. keep looking for a job even if one is hiring, when they are you'll be on the top of the list. Keep applying, and keep good faith, thats all you can ask of yourself.
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sillyshadows
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Well try and get a job and keep your baby . I would never give my baby away its like giving a part of yourself away because she is a part of you. It does not matter what others say its your child so if you want her fight for her. Do your best and I know you can do it
Good luck
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foxylilalley
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Do you have any friends that you and the baby can stay with. Are there other programs that can help you? I know in collin county Texas we have a homeless shelter that will help women and children find jobs then apartments and we also have A.C.O that will help with bills for one month. And will give you household supplies including diapers and vouchers for food and clothes.
Have you any friends that might need a baby sitter in exchange for rent and bills you could watch their kids. Check on craigslist. I really don't want you to give up your baby. Babies need their mothers. There is a bond there and you and the baby will suffer from being seperated. Praying for you and wishing you the best honey. Lots of love.
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abbatehouse
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I feel your choice was a very good one. If you have no way to support her but someone else does and wants to, why not? You made the right decision.
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Mimi
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Don't make a decision based on something temporary. Talk to social or church organization about what you can do to go to school, support yourself, get child support, get food stamps, and other assistance. If you feel you must do it, then at least know you gave her life and did what you thought was best. Maybe have an open adoption so you can see how she is doing.
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Angi S
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There is a process of acceptance that comes with being a birth mother. I know, because I gave a little girl up for adoption a couple years ago. It was hard, but given the circumstances, it was best for both me and the child. It's an open adoption, so I get notification all the time of her progress, I get photos, and when she starts nursery school, they'll even send me pictures she draws and whatnot. As time goes on, it WILL get easier. I was a wreck for the first few months. But every time I see her with them, I knew I made the right decision. You can always call your adoption attorney and ask if they have a list of counselors that are available for you to talk to. Mine did, and I didn't pass that up. They can help you more than you know. Good luck to you!
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Annabelle
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Call your local department of social services and request family preservation services. Apply for WIC, foodstamps and Temporary Aid to Needy Families. When you contact DSS ask them for a list of shelters for women and children. They will have them. Also, start reaching out to family members in any state that may be willing to take you and your child in.
Keep in mind getting DSS involved can be extremely intrusive but desperate times-desperate measures
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JoHn S.
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Nobody is hiring? What about the guy that just hired you, according to another question you asked..the one you said you hid your pregnancy from?
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cherrylilc
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oh no how about you do section 8 on the 5 year waiting list and while that's happening fix your life up get a job and stuff but don't set her up for adoption if you really love her
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Brandy R
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I hate the term "giving up" It isn't giving up, it is choosing the right option.
If you must place the child for adoption, there are many, many loving people that would give her a wonderful life. If you do not choose to place her, then find a shelter, church group, anyone that can help you. Move if you have to if your sole desire is to parent that baby. Finding a decent job is hard, daycare is expensive, I understand that completely. Any way you can work from home? Watch a child or 2 for extra money? I would go after the daddy for child support. It is your right, it is that baby's right. The men don't get to run, they have to be responsible too.
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Stacey
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Maybe get a job and get help from the state if you don't want to give her up.
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maltese
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Well honestly if you can't support her, adoption is the best. You'll be giving her to a family who is financially stable and you'll be able to visit her if you discuss it with the family taking her in.
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Flying Monkey #073177
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Here's a thought... Stop trying to find a dachshund to buy and start looking for ways to support your CHILD!
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Rene
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don't fell bad i was adopted i love my birth mom 4 not dragging me through the prob she had an giving my mother someone who cant have a kid a gift of bing a mother i no u love u baby an did a great thing 4 her gave her a chance to have to moms an a life maby u werent ready to give
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Possum
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This child wants YOU - not a replacement mother/family.
Adoption is a long term solution to a short term problem.
You won't be young and penniless forever.
And children need their mothers to love and care for them - MORE than loads of presents.
I know - I've lived adopted for 38 yrs now - and I've missed my family of origin my entire life. I've missed my mother every single day.
Living with a family of people that don't look or act like you is very hard.
And being given away by your mother - is something you never truly get over.
Make sure you read this brochure about what adoption is really like for mother and child -
http://www.cubirthparents.org/booklet.pdf
The ONLY people that win in adoption - is the agencies (that make loads of money) - the lawyers (same deal) - and the adoptive parents that have been dying to have a child (but that is NOT your problem to fix).
Here are some places to find support to parent -
http://origins-usa.org/Default.aspx?pageId=51995
http://www.adoptioncrossroads.org/
http://www.keepyourbaby.com/
http://familypreservation.blogspot.com/
http://www.singlepregnancy.com/
Fight to keep your child. That's what your child would want you to do.
I wish you both all the best.
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IDK!!
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If worse comes to worse, there is homeless shelters or foster care, at least with foster care there is a chance to get her back.
I have a friend from church who stayed at a facility for homeless mother and she made some great friends. There was childcare and people came in to help the moms find ways to get and education, housing, jobs. It took her about a year to get section 8. Her daughter didn't know the difference, she's a mama's girl.
Do you go to Church anywhere? Maybe someone will sponsor you and your daughter while you better your situation. There are some older retires widows who would probably love to have a little one around for a bit.
Good luck.
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♥ Alice ♥
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if the daddy isn't helping you.. put child support on his a** lol
____________________________
don't listen to those people.
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Maria
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http://www.fns.usda.gov/wic/howtoapply/
P.S.- I love how people were insulting her for trying to figure out how to raise her child, but if she'd opted for abortion, she'd really have hell to pay. Adoption is not that easy on the parent or the child. It's a great institution, but it's not like you can just pop out the kid and give him away.
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rlridley
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Well, I kept my child, and somehow, we made, it. I lived on student loans while getting my education and now my son and I are doing well. We've been doing well since he was 7 when I graduated from graduate school. You can do it if you try. See if there is a section of Covenant House in your city or a city near you, they can help with child care, living expenses and job training until you are 24 years old.
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M M T
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I applaud you for giving your baby a chance to have what you couldn't give her. It's got to be terrible to be in that position but I think you did the wise thing. You will never forget her, never stop loving her but you did what you thought was best to ensure that she would be well taken care of. That's the ultimate sacrifice in my book!
Keep trying, check every agency you can find, see if you can get help to get back into school, don't quit! In 20 years your little girl just might come looking for her birth mother and you want to be the kind of person she can be proud of.
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