I am pregnant and deciding whether or not to put the baby up for adoption?

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Ra1zeN2	I thought that i was pregnant last month and I decided to look into adoption as the only option because I can't afford the provide the child with the best the child would deserve right now. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Natalie S	They have options now as a mother to have semi-open adoptions. This is great because then you can help pick out the family and keep in contact with them through the agency where you can recieve updates and pictures. Its nice for the parent giving up because they know what is going on with the child with out having to feel guilty giving the child up. Its also great for the adoptive parent because they can explain to the child at a early age between adoptive mother and birth mother. Then when the child is of age 18 and wants to meet you the child can do that easliy. My husband and I are looking to adopt a child. We can not have one of our own. Right now there are a very low adoptions going on in the state of Iowa. It could take us 3 years before we ever get to have a little one of our own. Just think about what you want to do. Just cause you give up for adoption doesn't mean you are out of the picture all together :) Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Jill_01	Hi. I know you have to be going through a really tough time right now. The decision you make - whether you decide to keep your baby or not - will affect your life, your families life, potential adoptive parents life, and most importantly your child's life. That scary! Finances can change. Assistance is available. And maybe family can help. If you're considering adoption only because of finances, things can get better. When you are financially able to have a child - will you then regret your decision? Will you think, "If only I'd kept my baby - Now I can afford him/her?" If you have reasons beyond finances - consider open adoption. Find a family that really and truly wants to have an open adoption. Get comfortable with that family. Get to know them. Get comfortable. There are people out there (despite what some might say) that will parent your child and allow you contact too. There's more to some open adoptions than an annual update. Some families will allow you real contact. We're getting ready to adopt now and we wanted that sort of adoption. We wanted our daughter to know her first mother and wanted what we felt was best for everyone. We're awaiting her birth - she's due in February. We're so very excited. We're visiting our baby's mom this weekend and just hanging out with her and some of her family. In a couple weeks she's visiting us, helping finish picking some things out for the nursery, etc. We want her involvement and she wants that involvement too. We all believe a baby can never have too many people that love him or her. :) Good luck in whatever you decide. If you would like someone to talk to about the process, my info is on my contact page. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

babigurl	I have a close family friends who adopt kids and foster. They adopted 4 siblings, but a different family in a different part of the USA adopted the other kids. The sad thing is that the mom keeps having kids and giving them up so the family is split. If you choose to give your baby up for adoption, but don't want them to think that you don't care for them then have an open adoption, you get pictures visits and can talk with them. Or maybe foster until you feel ready. But not too long. But listen, it doesn't matter what age you are when you have a baby you won't feel completely ready. All parents wonder, "Will i provide enough? will they have a good life?" That's what they are suppose to do. I believe that you and the baby's father will do a great job. you'll definitly need to be on top of your game. But you'll be fine. Good luck! =D Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Allison H	well I'm not adopted, but my cousin is, and she doesn't hate her biological mother, b/c she knows her mother did drugs, and couldn't take care of her, and she loves her adopted mother just like she were her biological mother. BUT on the other hand, i know another woman who gave her daughter up for adoption at 16, and not a day goes by that she doesn't regret giving her up for adoption. and as far as money goes, there is help. WIC, and financial aid for college, and you'd be surprised about all of the things people give you. You may feel over whelmed, but people in worse situations then you have done it. I'm sure you could, and you'd probably be a good mother. You'd also be surprised at how much you already know. It just comes to you. But the minute they put your baby in your arms, and you see his or her face and hear them cry, you will never want them to leave your side. And the problem with that is, if you do decide to adopt, and you see your baby, you usually have 48 hours to change your mind, and if you do change your mind, you put that couple though a lot, and it would break their heart. So take it or leave it, but my advice is, give it a chance. You'll surprise yourself. And if you really feel you can't do it, then you can always put your baby up for adoption later. But whatever you choose, is your choice, not your parents, not your friends, it's yours, and whatever you choose, good luck with it. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

MNmom	If you are really torn seek counseling for it, there are state and county agencies and programs that could help you support your child, and parenting classes through early education, clinics and some churches, if that is what you are seeking, hopefully your parents or boyfriends parents will support your decision no matter what you decide and this should only be your decision between the two of you, but if you should choose adoption research open adoption where you could choose to have full contact whether if it is through letters, calls, email, visits or all above. Don''t be afraid to have a legal contract for them to sign besides one from the adoption agency. If you do choose adoption seek out good potential parents for your child, ones that would respect and keep the relationship to how you choose, ask them what if questions, think of your guy's future and how that may affect the adoption in regards to your child or future families, don't be afraid to ask anything to the possible parents, it's your right to do so. And last of all don't feel pressured to make a decision til after your child is born, don't sign any papers in regards to adoption til you are 100% sure this is what you guys want to do and it is okay to decide adoption after your child is born.Good Luck Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Bob Taylor	its really your decision. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Bianca Elise	It is a very tough decision. On one hand you want to be able to provide and give the child a great life, and then again you also need to look to the future...a couple of years down the line maybe will you have a good job and maybe even a husband. Who knows?? And if the father is supportive that is great. Your family and his family can help out too, and friends!! I know a gal who gave her baby up when she was about 18...a couple years later and she is married with another baby. (i think she's about 22 now) I don't ask her personally, but I wonder if she misses the baby she gave up just a few years ago. She would be able to provide for him now. Maybe she wonders...if I could've just stuck it out. I don't know I guess...but you need to think about that too. I am not against adoption, I think it is a wonderful option. you can give a great gift to someone in doing that. Look at both sides and think very carefully is all I can say... Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Cut Throat B****	Please do not put this important decision to a vote among random strangers who think they know better than you. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Shanny82	I gave my daughter up for adoption when I was 16 years old. And that has always been my fear. I have always wondered if she will hate me or think that I just didn't want her. Giving your child up for adoption is the most unselfish thing you can do for him or her. And if you give him or her to the right people she will not hate you or feel abandoned in any way. It's all in how they raise your child. Just really think about it. In ways I regret giving her up for adoption but I know that I could not give her the life I wanted her to have. I miss her everyday and there isn't a day that goes by that I do not think about her. But then again I know I gave her a better life than I could of ever imagined. I also am adopted. I do not in any way feel abandoned. I love my adopted parents more than anything in this world and wouldn't trade them for nothing! I do know my birth mother and have no hard feelings towards her what so ever. She gave me better and I thank her for that everyday. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

swimmer girl	I was adopted as a baby, and have never felt unwanted. From day one, my adoptive parents have loved me so much, they have always told me that it was never my fault and that my birth mother wanted the best life for me. I truly believe that and i will always have a special place in my heart for my birth mother. Good luck, I hope I was helpful! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

lollyc80	personally, i wouldnt want to make any descision until the baby is born. i know a lot of people decide when they are pregnant and even get the new adoptive family involved in the pregnancy, but what happens if you change your mind when the baby is born? You then have the guilt of letting the other family down. I have heard that bonding with the baby in the womb is bad if you want to give it up, but to be honest, if you can bond with the baby, then you probably wont want to give it up in the first place. With regards to money and life experience, yes 19 is young, but your life doent end just because you have a baby, there are still plenty of things you can enjoy and i'm not just talking about things to do with the baby. Your social life will slow down somewhat, but it wont stop altogether and dont let a few nights out on the town discourage you from doing whats best for your child. All the firends you hang out with now will eventually have kids of their own and how will you feel then. Money really is no issue at all, if everyone waited until you could really afford a child no one would re produce! Good luck with your descision, ultimately this is between you and your partner, but just bare in mind actually keeping the baby is not as scary as you might think. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Phoebe	I got pregnant at 19, but was not in school. I did not have support from the father, but I had my parents. I lived with them for the first two years of my daughter's life. I stayed at home with her for the first year, then put her in daycare so I could work full time. I had medicaid for her and had help from the state to pay daycare. It was hard and a little embarrassing to have the help, but it was needed. I did not take advantage of the system and got off as soon as I could. I am not going to pretend that I did not have help, but I think I did pretty well. I was not the type to party and dump my daughter at grandma and grandpa's house. I will admit that I think I was a bit more patient and mature with my two sons that I had when I was in my mid 20's, but I still think I was able to give my daughter what she needed. She is a sweet, loving, smart, beautiful 14 year old now, and I am so proud of the young woman she is becoming. It was a challenge, but she was and still is worth it. Love, stability and time is the most important thing you can give to a child. On the flip side, my husband and two of his sister's are adopted. They have a great mom (not so great dad, but mom and the extended family have made up for him). My husband and his sister are great people and do well enough in life. My husband has never felt abandoned and still to this day feels no need to find biological parents. He loves his mom and extended family a lot and me coming in as an outsider felt the love they all share with each other. Either way you have a hard decision to make. One thing you have that not many young woman have is the father. Even if you both do not stay together, it is nice to have him in the baby's life. Whichever you choose, I wish you and your baby the best of luck. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Independ"ant"	Im sure the poster above me is really bummed the "magdelane laundries have closed up shop". Is it too late for an abortion?. If so keep the baby and please make sure you don't let any of the predators on here befriend you. They are as pathetic as the ones that post "baby want ads" at the truck stops. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Sammie	I had an abortion at the age of 16,when i see people with there kids,it tears me up inside..Am saying that to say you don't want to be the one regretting this decision years down the road,missing the children experience and stuff.And no matter what,God always makes a way..So keep it,dnt give it uo for adoption Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

just an opinion	As the girlfriend of an adoptee, I can speak from the side that says "don't do it!" His mom too was 19 when she gave him up, and the wound (at least for him, I can only assume the same for her) has never healed. His adoptive parents are a dream on paper: wealth, a large family, a Christian home...but in reality what he got was a pair of neglectful and abusive people who I personally think just wanted a child to complete the family picture for posterity. All the money in the world doesn't make a happy childhood, just remember that when you make your decision. Sure, you may feel like you're offering the child a better opportunity for a better life, but just know that at some point the child will wonder, "Why didn't she want me? What was wrong with me?" You have the support of the baby's father, and you are working towards an education; you won't be poor and in school forever. Take advantage of whatever help you can get, and you will make it through. Like others have said before, there is WIC and Medicaid, and there are many scholarships and low-interest loans available to mothers attending college, and if going to school was too much you could always take a few classes (night or online if it were more convenient) at a community college so you don't get too behind. Don't let anyone tell you how selfless and kind giving away your child is; I know for a fact that they don't always go to happy homes. I too have thought a couple times that I might've been pregnant (although it turned out to be nothing), but I can honestly say that if I were to get pregnant now (I am 20 and in school), I would keep my baby. There is always a way. I see every day a man who wishes his natural mom would've made a different decision. Please, please don't put yourself or your baby through that grief; I wish you the best of luck. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Linny G	Your worries are good ones, indeed. I am 43 years old and have missed my first mom every day of my life, and she is just as tormented. You CAN do this. Your baby loves and needs you! You even have the baby's father right there! Sure, you're young, but that's ok. I was 18 when we had our first. We sacrificed, and maybe did not have the best money could offer at first, but, that doesnt matter to a child. My oldest is now a college graduate, and is STILL the light of my life. Dont give your baby to a stranger, and be careful of any of these trollish infertile women who want nothing more than to get their greedy hands on YOUR baby. They will tell you it will be an open adoption, but as soon as the ink is dry, they will shut you out of your child's life. FOREVER. No matter how much an adoptive parent loves their child, they will ALWAYS miss and want YOU!! Oh, and Jen F, SHAME on you for trolling for babies here on YA. I hope EVERYONE reports you. Your website is a joke. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Nurse Autumn Intactivist NFP	Ok, I just want you to know that I kow how you feel, I have been there. I was 19 when I got pregnant and I had my son one month before I turned 20. I am certainly not trying to be rude, but I must wonder, why are you wanting to relinquish you child? Is it because you are single? So am I, and let me tell you, it is NOT as bad as people make it out to be. Now, I DO have the support of my family, and that helps a ton, but I am still the one that provides the support for my son, I am the one that raises him, and I wouldn't have it any other way. If you are wanting a "Two parent home" for your child? Remember, that the divorce rate is out of control, and more than likely, yur child will end up being raised by a single parent anyway. Then what? You loose a child, your child looses his heritage (and YOU, which is all he really wants anyways) all for a situation which is no better than he would have had anyways REMEMBER! You will not always be single! THIS IS TEMPORARY!!! Is it because you are young? Honestly, 20 is not that young. It is an extreamly new development that women wait untill their 30's to have children. I am almost 21 now, and let me tell you, I am a wonderful mother. I love my son more than anything. Age is only a number, you CHOOSE to be a good or bad parent! REMEMBER! You will not always be young! THIS IS TEMPORARY!!! Is it because you are in college? So am I. I am in Nursing School. I go to school at night, so my mom or my aunt can watch Jayden. Going to school while being a mom is not that bad. So you have to move your schedual around a little, so what? I promise, it pays off in the end. Being a mom is SOOOO much more fun than getting drunk every weekend at a frat house. And guess what, you can STILL party sometimes, you just find a babysitter for the night. I have never met a woman that became a mother and COMPLETELY gave up having a little fun every once in a while. REMEMBER! You will not always be in college! THIS IS TEMPORARY!!! Is it because you don't think that you will be able to support the child? I thought that too. I had to move back in with my Mom, I got on Medicaid, WIC, and other government programs. You will get AWESOME scholarships and Grants for having a child. I will end up oweing next to nothing for school. You child does't want a fancy nursery, name brand clothes, and a trust fund, he wants YOU! You are ALL that he knows, and ALL that he wants. A baby is accutely aware of who his mother is immediatly after birth. This is the modern world, people will NOT allow you and you child to go without basic necessities. There are second hand stores that have REALLY cute stuff for next to nothing. REMEMBER! You will not always be struggling! THIS IS TEMPORARY!!! I really hope you do your research (and that does NOT mean asking adoption agencies what they think, they make money from separting you from your child) I also hope that you do not make a decision untill after your baby is born. There is NO rush, why don't you try to parent him for a while? At least then you will know... Here are some links to get you started (you can also e-mail me!!) http://www.originscanada.org/adoption_coercion.html http://www.origins-usa.org/Default.aspx?pageId=69300 http://www.exiledmothers.com/adoption_facts/adoption_damage_to_children.html http://rondidondi.wordpress.com/2007/10/24/my-days-without-poowee/ http://www.birthmothers.info/ http://www.lifemothers.com/istherestill.html Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Possum	Being given away because you were conceived and born at an inconvenient time sucks. I know - I've lived it for 39 years. No child wants to be given away. Every child wants their mother and father to step up, take charge, and look after the child they produced - with all the love they have in their hearts. Adoption is a long term solution to an often short term problem. (you won't be young forever - you can get education anytime - I'm half way through my teaching degree now) No woman knows if they'll be a good mother - until they start being one. You are the best mother your own child could ever wish for. You look, act and have talents like your child - and it's very hard for a child to grow in a household of genetic strangers. Make sure you read this - http://www.cubirthparents.org/booklet.pdf Google blogs written by adult adoptees. Do whatever you can - to keep this child - and love him/her well. I wish you all well. ETA: Open adoptions are not enforceable - and sadly adoptive parents close them up in most cases when they have the child - because they don't want the mother in the picture. This is even more tragic for the child - as the child wants to know where they came from. But it's heartbreaking also for the mother's that are told the world - in order to get the child - then are blocked out when they're no longer needed. sad Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

tish_part deux	i hate to tell you...but as a college graduate, you'll have more education and will be able to provide a better home then many who look to adopt. look...i was also 19 and pregnant by a man who offered little support. i also thought that adoption was the way to go. until i started asking myself those same questions. guess what, i changed my mind. i LEARNED to be a good parent; and i completed college, grad school and recently defended my dissertation. it was no cake walk. at times i lived modestly, yet my son and i were never homeless nor without food, clothing, shelter and LOVE. and quite honestly, your child might feel abandoned. even if s/he is adopted by good people (once more, that's a crap shoot---people lie on applications all the time). if you are asking yourself these questions, then it's clear that adoption is not or you. be well. ETA: sorry, i had to clean the vomit off my screen after reading some of the answers. a couple of things: most who are posting websites, and blog urls are desperate and scary. they either 1) are clueless about adoption and are just following the social party line of "adoption is great!", 2) profit from adoption or 3) are looking to adopt. quite honestly, # 2 and 3 are the most frightening. this is your pregnancy. this is probably the most scary and fragile time in your young adult life, and it's a shame and a scandal that people are pissing off your issues to meet their own selfish needs. in the minds of some of these folks, you are nothing more than a breeder. and the next young lady who comes on the board, will receive the same email and link to some sappy blog, where folks are crying about THEIR issues: and expecting a scared young pregnant women to bred and gladly hand over your kid to them. also, open adoption is a joke. most states do not legally enforce them, and the "adoption subculture" actually gives advice on ways to "close" them, to avoid any of that pesky "birthmama drama." if you are questioning this decision, i'd STRONGLY advise you to stick around here for a while. i think you need to know how some think about pregnant women... jen f...consider yourself reported. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

xlinzx88x	i got pregnant when i was 19. i was in college too. i had my son 6 1/2 months ago. he is amazing. i couldn't imagine life without him. giving him up would have been traumatizing for us both. i'm putting off some classes until hes older and doing online courses for the meantime. love that baby and cherish every moment. being a mother is the best thing in the world, you'll know that the second you see your baby's face for the first time. have fun! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

sweetjane	Hi Aleece, You already have some great answers...so I will stick with some other stuff they didn't mention. You should immediately contact social services/DSS/DHEC to make an appointment to see a counselor. They will provide you with WIC and medical care for you and your baby. You can receive all sorts of services for you and your child throughout your pregnancy, and for your child through his/her 5th birthday...and even longer if you still qualify. All you have to do is ask and show some basic information. Also, just so you are aware, the term 'open adoption' is NOT legally enforceable in any state. So, if anyone tells you or pressures you into adoption by saying that you can have an 'open adoption,' remember that once you sign over your rights, the adoptive parents do not in any way have to adhere to any agreement they made with you--even if it is written in the contract. They would be the 'legal guardians' and they wouldn't have to ever tell you a thing about your child ever again if they so choose. Unfortunately, since most adoptive parents choose to sever all ties with the natural mother, this is something you should be aware of. Sounds like you are a smart girl who knows what the right decision is. <<foster mommy Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Lori A	Every first mother has thoughts she will not be a good enough mother. It is a very life altering step. But also life altering is not taking that step for what ever reason. The thoughts that will haunt you forever will be those of "did I of did I do the right thing? Will this child hate me for my decision? Are they safe and well cared for? Do they know I LOVE THEM? When will this hole in my heart and soul heal?" If you have support of any kind and you want to mother your child I can only say I wish with my every fiber that is what I had chosen to do. It is by no means something you will forget OR move on from. You will not feel very selfless, giving, blessed, or any of the other things you get called before the papers are signed. Every woman should anticipate raising their children alone as this may be a reality. Being in school and being young may make it harder, but not impossible, and it is only temporary as you will not be 19 for ever. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

DevonChaos	I am adopted, and if I found out that I was given up strictly for financial reasons, I would be crushed. I would love to know my first mother, but I may not ever find her. I want to have a full intact family. I am 30 years old, and these wounds are still quite fresh. I can't say that 100% your child will feel this way, but if you keep them, I can say 100% that they won't. Money comes and goes, family (and children) are forever. I had my first at 21, and I didn't think I was ready, and now I have 5 kids, and I love my life. I cannot imagine not knowing where they are. If you give up your child for monetary reasons, that isn't looking out for the baby. There are services out there just for people like you. You can do it, and if you need any help with any baby questions, you can contact me. I've been there before, and I know what its like being a young mom. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

magic pointe shoes	Well if you think that relinquishment doesn't mean feeling abandonment, than you are wishing for unicorn farts. What you should KNOW if you are considering adoption for your baby... http://www.cubirthparents.org/edd/index.php?id=1 There are so many who wish for the support you have. Rise up and raise your child! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

oceankimmylucky	I get why you would be worried! But honestly you really should keep your baby. It sounds like someday your going to wonder what happened to him or her. Also you DO have the support of the father..which most women don't anymore. I really think you should keep the baby...you never know you may end up in the end proud and a happy mommy that you did. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Lisa Marie	Sounds like you want to keep your baby. Create a family for your baby and enjoy every minute of motherhood. Accept any help offered and ask for help if needed. Even when unexpected a baby is always a blessing. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

WonderWoman	i have to agree with kdub. no one can help you make this decision.. i got pregnant at 16 and now my daughter is 3 years old and i am 20. you will find the money. and you will have that instant unconditional love for the child you've been carrying.. think long and hard about what you want. good luck, god bless Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Liz	I had the same problem when I was 19. I now have a beautiful 2 year old baby. You can make it girl. I would be devistated if I had given my son up. Your baby needs you and dad. Unless you think you'll be a horrible mother, keep it. Money will come. Your family. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

~kdub~	Its up to you but the minute you see that beautiful baby staring up at you you wont ever want to let it go..... I am 20 now and have 3 children and dont regret keeping any of them. i was 17 when i had my first, Dont worry about money trust me you will always find the money for your baby. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Anna	Do not do that to your kid. You need to keep that baby. Adopted children end up in the system. The people who will get your baby will not care for him/her like you do Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No