I am adopted?

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A_Mom	As you say yourself you're "only 18". This age can certainly be a confusing and trying time in one's life, even without the "complications" of being adopted and deciding if you want to search for your biological parents now, later or not at all. It's perfectly normal to be confused, afraid, curious, etc. There can be some benefits if you search everything from establishing a relationship which doesn't undermine your current relationship with your adoptive parents. This would be a different type of relationship. You may also be able to put a stop to those unanswered questions, relieving you of those "what if's". However, searching for your adoptive parents, can be a long and trying experience. It's possible that the search may take years, it's possible that you may never make that connection. It's also possible that they will not want to open that door to their past. My best suggestion to you would be, don't rush into it. Locate a counselor/therapist with experience with adoptees and these very issues. A professional with experience in this area would be best equipped to help walk you through the process, decide if it's right for you, and how to cope with each step and what you may or may not find. Best of luck. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Almax	You need to go for proper formal counselling for something like this. Get qualified assistance. This is important. In fact it is too serious an issue to discuss on Yahoo Answers. Please get proper support. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Stacie S	Speaking as an adopted child that has no interest in finding my birth parents I will just give you my reasoning behind it. Who knows where life has brought them? Your Birth Mother could have a happy marriage and family that she may have never told about you...What if she isn't aware of who your father is? What if you were conceived either under circumstances that she would rather forget? I believe that it is every adopted child's right to find their birth parents if they so wish...but when this happens you need to realize that things may only become more complicated. I feel like adopted children (myself included) sometimes idiolize their birth family when things in their life just aren't going right. It's so easy to say my life isn't working out because this isn't my real family or My adopted parents are hard on me because I am not "their" child.... Just keep it in mind and I wish you the best of luck Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

LC	That is totally up to you babe.....If you feel it would put you at peace of mind, then go for it. Just try to prepare yourself as much as you can though before you actually go meet them if you find them. Be very cautious ok sweety......Good luck! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

youngj042004	IF YOU WANT ANSWERS YOUR PARENTS CANT GIVE GO AHEAD AND SEARCH FOR YOUR BIOLOGICAL PARENTS. ITS LIKE QUESTION BEING UNANSWERED WHAT GOOD IS IT. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Missy154	My adopted sister looked when she was 18 and when she found her real mom she had a relationship with her for a while and even moved in with her again but after she saw her true colors she has nothing to do with her anymore. It's a decision you will make for yourself when you find them. To have them in your life or not. Go for it, you will regret it if you don't. And like you said you have your whole life ahead of you. Best wishes. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Tsunami	did i but you know what it would have been smarter to go now. its not that you should be scared. if they dont' want to see you fine. butyou can have their medical stuff and find out from there and its good to have this. it does not matter what the reason. heck my mom walked out on my dad when i was day old how worse can it get she left with another man so what it has nothing to do with you i am lucky they didnt' have me and kept me my other two sisters are messed up big time. one is into drugs and the other one drinks alot. i mean hey its now and its good cause you may still beable to see what they look like and that is good you can find out if there are another siblings. that is good. well i fount out since i didn't grow up with mysiblings well i lost out and that is sad it can never be brought back. my sister really used me and i learnt over that but i dont' care live and learn and that is what you need to do you will be bigger person for all this take care and good luck. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Lynn C	You should sit down with your parents that raised you, and talk about this first, and first off just let them know that the only reason is because you are curious, and feel a gap there, you should let them know that it not to do with them, and you are glad they took and raised you, that you love them, they did do a good thing, they gave love to someone that wasnt' even thier own, they did a great thing. When you do decide you are ready, and I would talk to God about this, be ready for anything, because someone gives up a child, because they couldn't give the proper care,and other reasons, you have to know that these things happen for reasons, and you do not know what you are walkin into, just remember you have these parents that have loved you from day one, and continue to do so, do not hurt them, Also you must also know you have a Father that loves you, who created you, and this world is not our home, there is someone up there, that watches everything you do, and has a perfect plan for your life, You are loved. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

♥LIZZY♥	same with me i havent met my parents yet i just have to get over it, theres no chance for me to find my parents! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Wistall	I think you should start looking. I was adopted and now that I am 40 some hereditary problems have showed up. I have tried looking for my birth mother but the agency that dealt with my adoption is no longer around. You never know, your birth mother might be looking for you right now. It sounds like it will bring you peace of mind if you get your questions answered. Good Luck!! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

waia2000	Isn't there a matching registry for people who were adopted and parents who gave their children up for adoption? You could sign up on that and wait and see what happens. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

karen w	FIND OUT! YOU MAY BE SUCCEPTIBLE TO DISEASES OR CONDITIONS THAT YOU CAN PASS ON TO YOUR FUTURE CHILDREN. WHO CARES WHY THEY DID IT OBVIOUSLY THEY THOUGHT IT WAS BEST TO GIVE YOU TO A LOVING FAMILY THAT COULD SUPPORT YOU; YOU HAVE GROWN UP AND ARE NOT GONNA LET ANY REASONS THEY HAD 18 YEARS AGO UPSET YOUR LIFE NOW. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Lauren H	I was adopted too and today I actually found out my biological mother is looking for me. I am absolutely terrified, I am 19 and there are so many questions flying through my head. I know you must be feeling the same way. my best advice is to do whatever you feel good about, I know thats really hard but you need to listen to your heart. Keep in mind that the people that raised you are you family and no one can take that away from you. No matter what you do those people will be there to love and support you. If you do decide to look for your biological family i suggest going to www.adopteeconnect. com, its how i found my biological mother. Lauren Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

coach_kim2c	I am adopted by my father, I worked with foster/adopted kids for 20 years and I adopted two children of my own. My kids are birth siblings but my daughter the youngest was adopted first at 4 years old and three years later we brought home her then 9 year old brother. They are now 16 and 18. This is a very personal question with the answer being different for each person. I urge you to answer the question yourself, what outcome are you wanting for what reason, before beginning your search. I have saved every little tidbit of paper and information for my kids as at 18 they have a right to know what they want to know and I know they will have curiosities. Because they had both been in multiple foster homes, I also did an incredible amount of research to put as much of their history together back then to help them, to know them and for the questions they might ask some day. Certain answers someone is ready for are more appropriate at an emotional age versus a chronological age. My son had been so abused and had so many problems that I knew dating and marriage were probably going to be something I would have to put off if I brought him home. Because, I didn't marry my daughter has more of a yearning to know of her birth father (we did have visits with him/her before finalization)then her birth mother. The thing I caution her about is that if she does decided to seek him out when she is 18; the fantasy that she has created in her mind will be gone forever. This was not a nice guy and he did not do nice things to my children, and he was old enough to know better (he had two adult children he had abandoned years before). Adopted by a sensitive father, I knew seeking out my birth father would hurt him. I chose not to question things for that reason. I had an opportunity once to meet my bio-father and chse not to, then he died at 39. I did go and meet the rest of my birth family but I have never regretted my decision. Most of my contact with them has been through a feeling of obligation to them rather then for me. They felt a tremedous loss because they did not want me adopted. I was the first of 5 children he would give up, Out of the blue, I got a call from a "sister" who had been adopted and searched to find me. To me, I am sorry if this sounds harsh, but it was just sperm. My "Sister" is the baby my mother and adoptive father brought home from the hospital whom I have loved her whole life. I admit it was really weird seeing a picture of someone who looked just like me but I had no desire for a relationship. Many people feel otherwise. I think it depends also upon the relationship you have with your adoptive family. Years later, we passed my kids bio-mom on the street. She had abused drugs while pregnant with my son and my daughter wanted closure...so I asked if we could talk and my daughter asked her questions. My son had no desire to talk to her. So again, it is a very personal question with no right or wrong but a different answer for different people. Medical need would change everything. The most important thing would be to ensure that you are emotionally ready for what ever answers you may find and that you have set up some sort of support system to help you deal with your feelings. It is also important to remember you can never go back. Once you change what is in your mind, like believing it was a young loving mother who gave you up and find out that the picture wasn't so pretty or are met with rejection from the person being found or their "other" family; you will never be able to go back to the curiosity or picture your mind has now. Also understand what outcome you seek, as in thinking through how your journey might affect the relationship with your other family members. Some adopted parents may be more hurt then supportive because of their own insecurities or issues. What questions can your adoptive parents answer for you? I wish you the very best. Life Coach for Adoptive Parents www.beep.com/members/kim2c Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

rockyfella25	I think your at a good age now to try to find your real parents..Im sure they will be happy to hear from you.Did you ask your parents now if they knew why you were adopted..Usually they have a idea when you were given to them by the agency. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

tish	ok. i have to chime in here... to the poster: if you want to find your bmom, then i totally support you. there are reunion sites online that you can check out. many of the adult adoptee post links to them often. now to the propaganda crew.. first, not all relinquishing mothers are crack addicted whores, who dropped off their babies at the 7-11only to be "saved" by their adoptive parents. as a matter of fact, most adoption agencies, will not take you (the one i went through did not, and i think most are similar) if you had a current substance abuse issue. so this idea that all bmoms are messed up is crap! second, most of the young women who placed when i was considering were, like me, healthy, non-smoking, non-drinking and college-bound. also, many of these young women "agonized" over this decision. so in other words, most bmoms who placed through agencies didn't just drop off their kids and split. your mom probably placed you because she was young, poor, unmarried and scared. IMO, this bmom as whore and aparents as savior dichotomy makes me sick! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Teresa K	I am not adopted, so I can't relate. But person to person my advice would be to go ahead and contact them now if you want to. You're an adult and it's obviously a matter of concern for you. What do you mean ignorant? Dont worry about stuff like that. I would say to call them first, maybe email, to make that first contact and see if you're comfortable meeting them. I bet you'll be surprised at how well it will go. Imagine being in their position. Wouldn't you want to meet you?? Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Devin's mom	As an adult adoptee, I would say that 18 might be a little young to search at this point. The decision is ultimately only yours to make. Every state has different laws for the amount of of information you can receive as well as what age that consider you an adult. This age can vary from 18 to 25 when it comes to adoption. You can check out this site to see your states laws regarding what info you can receive. Each state is very different in it's laws! http://local.reunion.adoption.com/ I would say at the age of 18, your reasons for searching are simply curiosity. As you get older those reasons will extend to medical and heritage questions. You will especially want these answers should you decide to start your own family one day. I recommend searching but each case is different and not all reunions are happy ones but even with a less than expected reunion there is closure with this missing piece of most adoptee's lives. Good luck! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

determined_ladii	Go for it, be safe, and prepare yourself mentally for both a positive or negative conclusion. Good luck. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Remy	Don't be afraid, usually the reason is that they are very young and will not be able to give you the quality of life that your deserve. Whatever the reason, a mother never ever forgets nor does she forgive herself for these decisions. No, I don't think that you are too young to look because if it all works well, you will have time to still enjoy knowing them and or at least finding out who they are NO MATTER what. I hope that your life with your adoptive parents was all that your natural birth mom hoped and wished that it would be. peace out Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

docC	It is a personal decision. I searched from age 13 to 35 before I found my parents. Turns out my bio mom was looking for me the whole time I was looking for her. I now have a brother and two sisters I never knew about. It worked out well for me on the mom side. My bio dad is a college professor that will not meet me and wants no contact. I have a friend that was also adopted and has no desire to ever meet her bio parents. Good luck!! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

missfoxieloxie	I don't think there is anything wrong with you wanting to look for your parents. Just be prepared for both the good and the bad. Although we all want that happy light at the end of the rainbow sometimes it is just a mud puddle. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Minnimouse	It is a very scary thing, thinking of who your birth parents might be. I can tell you though from meeting my family (but not my birth mother) that is the most amazing thing, even if you don't like them or they don't want to really know you. You finally get to see where you come from, something to connect to. It might not go brilliantly, but I would say they would be happy to answer any questions you have. You must be curious. You do have to be ready for these things, so take your time, go slowly with it. You have to be in a strong state of mind to be able to make that move. It is always very nerve racking, Only search for your family if you are ready, and you will know that deep down. Even though I say that it could go negatively, this is just a warning. Meetings with families can go fantastically, and you can end up with two sets of families! Good Luck! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Isabel A	I have not read any answers but I felt compelled to respond. I am newly in reunion with my firstmom. I found her last year on an online registry (adoption.com) she had been looking for me for years. I have siblings who are now teenagers. One of them just stayed the weekend with us and we had a wonderful time getting to know each other. It has been so wonderful getting to know them but there are times when I wish I hadn't waited to look and would have known them when they were younger and seen them growing up. There is another reason why I wish I had found my first family sooner. Sadly, my firstfather died about five years ago. I will never have the chance to know him and I know from other relatives that this is something he really wanted. Reunion is not easy and you never know what you are going to find. I have found good and I have found bad but the most important thing for me is that I have learned the truth about what happened all those years ago. It has made a big difference for me in my life. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Dreamweaver ILF posse 2009	I'm adopted and I've given a son up for adoption. I haven't looked for my bio family but plan to next year (2008) and would welcome meeting my bio son. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

sunny	Oh, Rae, I hope you ignore much of the 'advice' here. When people tell you you need to talk to counselers, or your adoptive parents first they are implying that there is something wrong with you. there is NOTHING wrong with you! In fact I think you're a very healthy young woman. You're curious! Who wouldn't be? You don't owe your adoptive parents anything more than you've already provided. They wanted a child to raise-and you were that child. You're done. People can have more than two siblings, right? Adoptees have 4 parents, and after 18 years, you'd like to meet yours--DO IT. You might want to check out these sites: adoptioncrossroads.com (there is a nightly chat here with an adoptee and therapist) and adultadoptees.org/forum and these books: The Primal Wound by Nancy Verrier and any adoption book by Betty Jean Lifton You need to register with the ISRR. I'll get back to you with the address. Good Luck! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Joy M	I found my parents when I was 18 too. It was difficult but I am glad I did it. I can't believe how rude people have been to you, saying "be glad you weren't murdered?" what a horrible thing to say to someone, would you say that to a non-adopted person? Lots of mothers consider abortion, not just the ones that adopt out their babies. "Think of your aparents--they must love you very much" Why must they love her very much, they may, or they may have treated her like a consolation prize, which most of us ARE, most adoptive parents want their own children and SETTLE for adopted ones. I would guess that you spent the last 18 years trying to be a good daugther to them, you have paid your debt to them, you did not consent to the adoption and HAVE EVERY RIGHT to know where you came from, adoption is not slavery, your aparents do not own you. Searching actually has nothing to do with adoptive parents, it is the healthy normal response to not knowing where you come from. I am really disgusted by the meanness of people in response to this question, I wonder how anyone can still believe the myth that being adopted is a good thing, after witnessing how we are talked to for simply asking a question. q: "Where did I come from what happened to my mom?" a: "just be glad you aren't dead" It is horrible. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Debbie Downer	OK girlfriend, ignore about 3/4 of the answers on here. Seriously. You are 18 and therefore are legally an adult. So you don't need your a-parent's permission to go looking for your real mom. If you want to ask them if they know anything about her, maybe they can help you, but you DO NOT NEED THEIR PERMISSION. Searching for her does not mean you are trying to replace your a-parents or anything, so if you feel guilty about that, don't. Lots of times adoptees feel guilty and ppl try to make them feel guilty but it really has nothing to do with your a-parents AT ALL. It doesn't mean you don't love them any less, this isn't a competition. You have a right to know the woman who gave birth to you, right? Any person does. It's a natural thing. You are curious and that is perfectly natural. I personally have talked to lots of "birth" moms and you know what? Every single one of them says she really loves and misses that child she gave away. EVERY single one. Now I don't know about you but I can't imagine giving birth to a child and not caring about it, you know? So don't worry about it, I bet your mother is out there thinking about you, too. Good luck, it can be hard for adoptees to get information, so I hope your search isn't very tough. And I hope you get all the answers you are looking for sweetie. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Randa ♥ D	go look for ur real parents ;) u have to know from where u came Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

alexandriaferrari1	Now is a good time . You are an adult. It is normal to be afraid. Just don't go into it with lofty expectations. Be realistic ahead of time it maybe good or bad...but it will relieve you of a lot of questions and give you closure. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Ciavana	You should try to find out about them. The reason doesn't really matter, because obviously you were still put up for adoption. 18 is not too young. I'm sure you've had these questions all your life. You need to find the answers for yourself so you can have the satisfaction of atleast knowing you tried or actually found something. Good Luck. God loves you. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No