I Dont Want to give my baby up for adoption but the mom dose?

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Almita79	The first thing to do is take her to court while she is still pregnant so the judge can order a paternity test as soon as the baby is born. Without that, she can give the baby up, since you guys are not married and you don't have proof of paternity. Once the test determines that the baby is yours file for custody on the grounds that she wants to give him into adoption...that should be an easy one. Have the support of family members and this should be even easier. If grandma for example says to the court that she will babysit while you work/study, then the judge will see that you have everything worked out and you are ready to be a dad. All the questions that you would ask (if you were the judge) you should have an answer to before you go to court. Good luck, and fight, that is your life there! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

sizesmith	Wow, it sounds like more young men ought to act like you. If she places the baby up for adoption, you can keep it. In fact, when she gets of age, she'd actually be responsible for child support. Also realize that you could have someone privately adopt the baby where you can have a lifetime of visits and be a part of the baby's life, even if she doesn't want to. It is very, very hard for a young person, especially a father, to raise a baby. I recently adopted a baby boy, and the birth mom can visit any time she wants. She doesn't, but I have regular contact with the birth father, and his mother. To me, a child can't have too many people to love. This way, the birth father is relieved of financial responsibility, but still has the benefits of being a father. We want to adopt another child now. Adoption is an act of love on many peoples hearts. It is not to get rid of the baby, it's to give the baby an opportunity to have a better life, to grow up with people who are emotionally, physically, financially, and prepared to raise a child. One thing though, for sure. If you get the baby, I'd rather see you on welfare for a little while and get an education, than to bring the baby up poor and without opportunities all of it's life. Good Luck, you sound like a fine young man. Also, be prepared to have the young woman fight you, and I'd call legal aid, and find out what you have to do to claim this child. Our state, Arkansas, has a registry that a father has to claim the child within 10 days of it's birth in order to have parental rights. Just being there at the hospital, and even taking it home might not be enough since you are a father instead of a mother. Good luck! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

<3<3<3<3	First you two need to sit down and really decide what would be best for the baby and you. Adoption is a good thing at times...both of you are very young and still have your hole lives ahead of you. But if you don't want to give the baby up and she does, you still have rights as a father. I suggest that you get a lawyer and talk to them. Dad's have more rights than they realize. Get a good family practice lawyer and see how you would go about getting soley custody of your child. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Gershom	DON'T SIGN ANY RELINQUISHMENT PAPERS EVER!!! If she doesn't want to parent, she can't take YOUR right from YOU to parent. If you want to parent and can, THEN DO. PLEASE DO. Get a lawyer, NOW. If your state has a punitive father registry...JOIN IT NOW. Or join all of them, incase she flys out of state to surrender her child to adoption right? There is also a myspace group "fathers supporting fathers" check it out :) http://www.myspace.com/fatherssupportingfathers Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

animal27	I agree. You have rights. You would have to sign away those rights on purpose so she can be free to adopt out your child!! She can not legally give away a child that is half your unless you agree to it! The only way that she could put the baby up for adoption without your consent(permission) would be to lie and not put you on the birth certificate. Father Unknown. You need legal advice before the child is born. If you can not afford a attorney then go to Legal Aid in your state. They should help you for free or get you an attorney at a low cost to you. Your doing the right thing, don't give in and don't give up. It's a long process. Wish you all the luck and God bless!! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

MyMy's Mommy	Get a good job right away. Since your ex is so far along she really should have her mind made up by now what she wants to do. You need to have a serious talk with her first. If you and your family honestly want this resposibility then talk to her about raising the baby. If she really doesn't want the baby, maybe you could take over primary custody and she can still be a part of the baby's life. I would really try to work it out with her first. You are the father-you really should have a say-i would think. If she refuses to work with you than I would get a lawyer and find out how to go about this whole issue legally. You don't have much time so I would figure it out asap.-! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

dawnO	Vicki M said EXACTLY what I would say..so DITTO and Good luck! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Hazel	If she doesn't want the baby, then tell her you do. If you really want to take in a child and know you're going to be there, then fight for it. You have full rights on taking in your child. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

DDC Info	You first need to establish paternity before you can go to court for parental rights. For a fast, confidential paternity test that you can have in-hand when you start these proceedings, go to www.dnacenter.com for more info. Also, keep in mind that in many states fathers do not have to sign relinquishment papers for the birth mom to place her baby for adoption, so she may be able to still do it even if you don't sign the papers. Establish paternity first and then get a lawyer and go from there. GOOD LUCK. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

LOO S	It depends on where you live on whether or not she can give the child up for adoption without your permission. Just don't sign any papers, none at all!!! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Ann	Go for it all the way, you can take her to court or you can get a court order for a DNA testing after she gives the baby up. That way she gave up her rights to the child and it is your right. And even if they don't (which I cant see why not), get the DNA testing, then ask your support to adopt the baby until you can prove to them that you can support the child, that way the child will still be with you, just in the laws eyes your parents would be responsible. It dose not matter if you know the child is yours or not. Get the DNA testing or make sure you sign the birth cert. at birth, that is your only way of having any right in the courts eyes. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Thomas H	If she is wanting to put the baby up for adoption I don't see what the problem is. She would obviously not want the baby in that case, and as the father you would automatically have custody if you don't relinquish your rights. If, however, she decides she wants to keep the baby, and you are trying to get custody, then you may have a bigger fight on your hands. Although you aren't together anymore you may want to consider joint custody of the baby. This way he/she would get to know both of his/her parents. Plus, there would be less pressure on each of you in this HUGE commitment. You would be able to still work, go to school, etc. I hope it all works out for you and that you get to be a part of your new little one's life. I also hope that you continue with your schooling since your spelling is horrible! : ) Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Dyan	The first thing you need to do is get a job to show that you can financially provide for this child. Talk to a lawyer and whatever you do, do not relinquish your rights to this child. I am sure that laws vary state to state, but I would think you would have to sign over your right also and that is why you need to talk to a lawyer and see what your rights are and do things the legal way. It is wonderful that you want your child and your parents are willing to do whatever they can to help. I wish you the best of luck. I will be praying for you and your baby. -:) Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

ann h	If you are the father of course you can get custody...you have to speak up now....and remember it is a huge responsibility....an 18+ financial and lifetime emotional commitment! Good Luck! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Mommy	See a lawyer to to answer all ur questions, lad. I am sure that u have the right to look after ur own child. I am really proud of you! :) Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

T V	Your very blessed to have parents that will support you!! You have rights, even though it seems as if you dont. Contact a lawyer if you have to. Do your parents have a family friend who is a lawyer who could give you advise? Hey keep your head up and fight. Im proud that you want your child, your a good guy. Most men would bail!! Nice that there are still men with integritiy out there!!! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

MixedGurl #2 Due 12/26/09	Yes, you should be able to get custody of the baby. You are the biological father, so you have all rights to do so. I am so happy to hear a man that is actually stepping up and being a real dad. God Bless you!! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

mom of many	You have that right to raise that baby. First contact social services and explain the situation. Make arrangements for you to take the baby home with you from the hospital. But make sure you have a plan as to how to support the baby, have sitters arrange for when you work or go to school and back-up sitters or plans. Get the job now and save some money. Be at the hospital when baby born, visit often. perhaps in the meantime take a parenting or Fathers class. everything will help. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

mamaac43	If you want to keep the baby you have the right to try and get custody of it. Be prepared for long nights, but on the flip side babies are a true blessing. Do you have anyone to help you with the baby if you do take it? Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Phaery G	You're already talking about taking her to court when you don't even know what she wants? What's wrong with talking to her? Sit down with her and her parents and discuss this. Remember, the baby's welfare is the most important thing. Also, if your GF doesn't want this responsibility at such a young age, please don't make this more difficult for her than it already is. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Tatangel	I've read all the answers people have given you here and they seem to be over looking the fact that your ex-girl friend has not yet made up her mind what she wants to do. And one person even had the nerve to say that since she is so far along she should have already decided what to do. This is a very serious decision and cannot be made lightly by either of you. I speak from experience. I actually went as far as to contact an adoption agency, and this was for my third child, they flew me to their state and put me up in an apartment, gave me money, bought my clothes, and allowed me to choose from hundreds of adoptive parents to adopt my child. I chose a single, Catholic, school teacher who can never have children to adopt my son. I met with several couples before I finally chose her. We spent weeks together and got to know each other very well before I agreed that she could raise my child. It was also agreed that I would have monthly pictures for life and could visit if I wanted. She was a wonderful person and I'm sure would have made a wonderful mom for my son. But that is just it! He is my son! And even though I went as far as letting her take my child home for the night and then even though I knew I was going to break this poor woman's heart, I changed my mind, before I signed the papers and I took my child home with me. He is almost 16 years old today and he's doing fine, I love him dearly. I was 23 years old and already had two young daughter's, and I was alone. I didn't think I could raise or support another child. I was thinking of him and trying to give him a better life. And sometimes I think, maybe he would have been better off financially but he would never be more loved then he has been with me. Adoption is a wonderful thing to do for some but if you truly want and believe in your heart you can raise this child and love this child unconditionally and support this child then you should. Don't let anyone tell you that you're to young, especially when you have the support of your parents. Please make sure that whatever you decide please get your education so you can give your child a good life. I have struggled financially and it has been hard but my children are loved. We are not poor and we are not rich either but money is not everything. I even have another child now, I have two girls and two boys and one new grand daughter. We are happy and we all have so much love and we are always there for each other, we are a family. I am happy with my choice to keep my son and if I had given him up I don't think I could have ever forgiven myself. And I would always wonder, "what if"? Another thing I wanted to let you know about these out of state adoption agency's, that most people do not know is how they get away with it. To get around the father's "rights" to allow the mother "only" to put her child up for adoption (and this is legal) they run an ad in their local news paper ( I was in Mass. but was from Indiana) for the father to claim this child if he wants it. If the father does not respond to this ad then the mother has every legal right to sign away "your" child. Now there is no way the father, living in another state is going to pick up this news paper and see this ad about his child being put up for adoption! You have every right as this baby's legal dad to take custody of your child! It will be hard but you can do it! There may also be other tricks they use to get around the fathers legal rights that I do not know about. I would say, "yes talk to the mother and her parents," and include your parents in all conversations and if she and her parents refuse to allow you custody of your child or insist on going through with adoption then get a lawyer. And go with her to doctor appointments if she says no, go anyway so that you have proof you were there and that you tried to be a part of this pregnancy just in case it does go to court. If you write emails back and forth with the mother or letters then keep copies of everything. And be at that hospital and sign the birth certificate when your child is born. One other thing, I understand completely how your ex-girl friend feels and what she is going through. I got pregnant the first time when I was only 17 years old and it seemed like the end of the world at the time. I was alone and so confused, I had no idea what I should do. There are many options to help though. You could go together to one of your local churches and talk with someone there. There are many people you can talk with. Please think long and hard about this baby. Do what is best for your child, even if it is hard for you. And do research on raising a child. Babies are a lot of work but they also bring great joy into your life. In closing I want to tell you that I think you are a very brave and good hearted young man! I wish there were more dads out there like you! Anyone can be a father but it takes a real man to be a daddy! Good luck to you and your baby with whatever you decide to do. May God bless you and watch over you and your child always. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Vannessa	you can that baby is yours only and only yours try your best im in the same sitsuation well not me im a girl i wish my bf was working hard to help he is just letting my mom take care of me and the baby Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

niko	You have every right to be a parent as much as she does. Its too bad that your ex wants to give the baby up. Just don't sign any papers saying that you want to give up custody. It is great that you want to keep your child. I give you lots of credit. I wish my dad would of thought that way also. Good luck to you both Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

vanessa	wow ..... 1st of all I am very proud to read about you. I think you are going in the right path, by trying to "do the right thing". Honestly I think you will be a perfect dad and your baby will look upto you always. Im sure your parents will be there 100percent to help you raise the baby. My advice is you talk to your parents ... also try to make a family meeting with her parents and come to an agreement, You are the father and legally if she wants to put the baby for adoption you are entitled 100 percent to keep this child. It is a huge responsibilyt but trust me you will remember me, It is worth it. Good luck to you. and god bless you for having such a positive solution to this matter. May all your dreams come true and aim high in life. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Mutchkin	In law, courts can not place a baby or any child in foster/adoption unless both parents (if both known) signs for it. If she decides to give the child up, you have the right to step up to the plate and take custody. Most you will do is concent to a DNA testing, hearings and get the ball rolling to be sole custody of the child. That can conclude she has visitations if she likes or she gives up full parental rights. That is wonderful if your parents are 100% helpful to help you with being a daddy. That is great for you to step up to the plate. Talk to her about it. Sit down and discuss options. Either way, be involved in that child life whether she keeps it or gives up rights. You have just as much rights to the child as she does. Guys don't realize how much parental rights they have. Your parents can even adopt the baby if you nor her wanted the baby. Blood relative has priority over society/non-family relation. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Annabelle	Its your kid, you take care of it. Its as much your as hers. If you're willing to be a full time parent then no one can stop you. You have to be willing to step up though. You cant do nothing and then blame her for creating adoption plan. Not saying you would just saying some people do Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

TotalRecipeHound	Yes, you can go to court. Keep tabs on her though. There seems to be a tendency for these things to completely bypass the dad. Families determined to rid themselves of unwanted grandchildren will sometimes send the mom out of state. It is your job, then, to sue to prevent any adoption taking place in another state. Adoption agencies do this also to circumvent the law in the mom's state. If she does not want the child, you have a 100% chance of getting him/her. Then she gets to pay child support. Don't let anybody tell you that you can't raise a kid yourself. If you have family support and don't have a drug/alcohol problem, you can do just as well. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Kristen	im sure you could take it to court...and if i remember right for her to put the baby up for adoption you have to sign the papers as well.... just make sure you have talked to her and let her know your side of the story.. i dont kno how much of a chance you have to be honest but i wish you the best of luck! your an amazing guy for sticking up for your child and being willing to take on the enormous responsibility. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

cagney	legally you have just as much right to that baby as she does. i would hire an attorney and get on punitave father registries in your and neighboring states. she legally cannot place the baby for adoption without your permission. so don't sign any papers. many states allow fathers to relinquish their rights before the birth. so just don't sign anything unless it's the birth certificate. of course it has happened before, which is why i'd contact an attorney. how does your girlfriend feel about you raising the child? i would speak with her and her parents. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

LaurieDB	You have the right to parent. I do not know your girlfriend, and I would assume that she would never circumvent your rights. However, women have been known to circumvent the father's rights by leaving the state to give birth and then relinquishing without his knowledge. Cover yourself by signing NOTHING in the form of a relinquishment document. Also, GET AN ATTORNEY. An attorney will help you to do whatever is necessary to secure your rights. Please make certain that if your state has a Putative Father Registry that you sign it ASAP. This link will take you to a page showing all of the states with these registries and information about signing them. This is absolutely imperative. http://www.adoptioninstitute.org/policy/polputative.html Make certain that you are supportive of your girlfriend throughout the pregnancy, including any financial help that you can give her. It can be used against you if you don't. I hate to make it look so bad. You are the child's flesh and blood father and you shouldn't have to jump through hoops to have the right to parent your very own child. However, right or wrong, the law is tough on men. Make sure you get that attorney!! Do not sign any relinquishment documents EVER!! Good luck to you. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

tish	hi jason... i have a few comments: -be sure to sign the putative father's registry in your state! a previous poster provided this link. i can't say how important this is to protecting your rights. 1) ignore any post that states how better off your baby will be. there is no guarantee that a couple of strangers will be good parents. this is hogwash. 2) do not allow another person's inability to get pregnant to weigh into your decision. you and your girlfriend are NOT required to make someone else a parent. 3) you can indeed complete school and parent. i did it, and many others did to. 4) adoption is not always a loving choice. many people give up their baby and enter into open adoption, just to have the adoptive parents close the adoption after you all sign the papers. 5) adoption is a business. in other words, there are people who will tell you that you can not parent, you are too young, and have no money. these things are to get your baby. people pay up to $30,000 for a baby. so many social workers will tell you anything. 6) fathers are usually not respected. some agencies will tell girls to lie about who the father is, be convinced to delivery out of state, or say that he doesn't want the baby. don't allow this to happen. legally, she CANNOT give up the baby if you don't sign. 7) please encourage your girlfriend to speak with someone about her decision. adoption is not as easy as one thinks. many people are suffering from being adopted and many mothers regret giving up their babies. please do as much research as you can. many on this site are adoptees and can offer you some information. 8) being married although preferred, is not the only way to raise a kid. besides, over half of all marriages end in divorce--including adoptive parents. so, in other words, the whole "you have to be married" thing is crap. you have to be a responsible person who loves your baby. i wish you the very best. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No