How do I keep from crying at the idea of abortion being better than adoption??

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tone	i am sorry. while i feel for you and undestand your situation and why you feel the way you do, sometimes adoption is not the anser for some people and you may not agree, but a lot of very immature young girls, decide on adoption and then take money from unsuspecting couples and never sign over baby, or come back for baby, etc. These types are giving adoption bad name and therefore, adoption needs to be more controlled. Plus a lot of young girls are scared of how baby will be treated and they do not see embryo as baby..... You need to accept that everyone is entitled to their own opinion and not get upset and cry. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Cathi H74	id day it sounds like you need either a very good friend or counselor to help you walk your way carefully towards healthy feelings how does your spirituality come into play ? can it help you? Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

whatever!	I understand how you feel. I do believe abortion is wrong. But i can't get worked up about it to the point i get depressed and you shouldn't either. just don't look at those people's answers. Unfortunately in this day and age people take life for granted even if it is a little one who is growing inside of them. To have an abortion because it is inconvient on the mother's part, to me is selfish. BUT that is my opinion and i can't push my opinion on to others, i can only respectfully tell them how i feel. and agree to disagree with them, then i move on and so should you!!! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

french7suzi	There's a lot going on here. First of all, you seem to be very sad about never being able to pass on your genetic material to a child. But there are many other ways you can have a baby. You could get an egg from a female relative and have it fertilized with a husband or boyfriend...or someone else, doesn't matter. You could carry it if it's just your ovaries that are problematic...your uterus is in fine shape, correct? You could get a surrogate...it's be coming popular and affordable in India. And I have not even mentioned adoption yet. I have found that if you really want to be a mother, there are plenty of options. Children are not rare on this earth...ever been to Mexico? You really sound sad about not being married. Maybe that's the problem. In my opinion, it's a lot harder to get married that become a mother. And I married for the second time at only 34! I suggest seeking therapy...maybe you feel inadequate because of your ovary situation, and that's why you find meeting the right men so difficult. Why does the abortion thing bother you so much? I think you're jealous, and I don't blame you one bit. It must be so awful reading about teenagers who give birth in school bathrooms or have abortions when you can't get pregnant at all. It doesn't seem fair. And also, you may picture every unwanted baby as a possible baby for you. So I do see why it's so upsetting. So, what to do? Stop reading about abortions for now. You aren't getting one, so leave it to the people who have to make that choice...BE GLAD YOU DON'T HAVE TO MAKE IT because it's a rotton one (I've made it myself). Next, seek some therapy and get that man-finding on track. Then, when you're married/in a serious relationship, talk to him about which avenue BOTH of you should pursue about getting this family wagon on track. You WILL be a mother. Even if you never end up being pregnant, remember that no one experiences everything...climbing a mountain, living in France, having a baby. Adoption doesn't make you any less a mother. And in the meantime, enjoy those adorable little nieces and nephews! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

mscrawdad	I appreciate your viewpoint and understand it completely. But others, including myself, have our own problems and must make our decisions based on our own situation. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Minnimouse	An argument about abortion is worse than a political argument. People have such strong opinions about it that they can become upset or angry or frustrated that the person with the other viewpoint just can not see their point of view. The best cure for this frustration is to try to see it from other people's points of view without judging them. This can be very difficult but if you know what you really believe in your heart then you shouldn't let what other people tell you upset you. You just have to say "okay, i hear you, however, I think differently because..." Every single person answering this question will have a slightly different view of abortion. Some people have first hand experience, some know people who have been effected by abortion, some may even work in abortion clinics and others may have very little knowledge about it. Be proud of your own views and share them if you wish. But if you cannot deal with the issue without becoming overly emotionally involved then you might just need to back off and talk about something else or go to another question and answer section. AS an adoptee I have wished several times that I could have been aborted. And if you say, but you got adopted into a loving home, be grateful! I will say I did not (to begin with). I was adopted into an abusive home. I broke a couple of bones at 3 months of age because my adoptive dad lost his temper. I was taken out of that home and then put in foster care for a little while until I was adopted out again to an unabusive home. I am sure however that adoptees often remain in abusive homes, especcially if the abuse is undetected. If I hadn't been taken to the hospital how would anyone have known that there was a problem with these "loving selfless" people? I am not saying YAY abortion. However, I do think sometimes it is the only option. There are worse things in life than dying and If the child is going to live a life of hell when it is born then why let it live? With rape cases, how would you feel if you were the child of a rapist? Would you be able to live with that and live a normal life? Wouldn't you be ashamed of yourself, your parents, feel that it was somehow your fault because half of what made you was a rapist? Wouldn't you feel paranoid that you might end up like your father? I do object to abortion being a simple birth control method. "oops i got pregnant again, down to the clinic for the third time" is very wrong. I think even if a a teenager is pregnant but they have support around them such as parents and family and friends and hopefully a partner then keeping the child should be the option. I am not sure how far along in pregnancy it is exactly but there really should be a limit to what stage the baby is in to be aborted. I think it is very very wrong to remove a formed baby. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

moonsign78	Try spending some time with a social worker and some children in the foster care system and see if it makes a little more sense. Not all children are adopted when they are put up for adoption. Even babies (especially babies who are minorities) are stuck in the foster care system their entire lives where they are moved from family to family (many of whom just want to collect a monthly check and live off of the money the state provides them for taking on foster kids). They are also exposed to children who have inherited mental illnesses from their parents or have severe disabilities because their mother did drugs while she was pregnant. Spend some time with some kids in foster care and see why some people believe its better to abort than bring another baby into the system. If the world was perfect and everyone who was opposed to abortion had a solid, stable family life and they all adopted one baby, then there would be less abortions. But the world is not perfect and people like to sit around and complain that abortion is all about killing babies and they should be given a chance to live...but I don't see you taking any steps to get involved in adopting these children or in helping them in any way...you are too worried about keeping yourself from crying. The simple answer to your question is to stop feeling sorry for yourself and stop focusing on those who get abortions, and start getting involved in the system where these children who are not aborted get lost in. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

WIZ!!	It depends on what part of the world you live in. In a 3rd world country where there is no resources for adoption agencies I would hate to see the poor child have to literally starve to death. It can go both ways. There are illegal dirty abortion houses where sometimes the patient dies because of malpractice but is willing to take the chance because of a unwanted pregnancy. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Freckle Face	To answer or not to answer. What you need to know about me is that i am an adoptive mom. i lost a daughter that was stillborn. As a result of this birth, i was told i would never have children again. Heres that part that i never tell ppl. At 26 wks i was told that my baby was incompatible with life. She had no lungs and no urinary tract, heart and brain problems. As a result there was no aminotic fluid and my body was crushing her. Her head was pear shaped and in as little as a day or two her head would implode from the pressure. With every kick i wondered if it was her last and if her head had imploded yet. We decided to induce labor since three doctors gave her 0% chance at life. The doctors also said if you believe babies in utero feel pain your daughter is in a great deal of pain. She died in labor and had a head. I was able to hold her and love her and say good bye. It will forever be on my medical record that i aborted my baby. I refused to give her the shot of potassium chloride in the heart to kill her. Still an abortion either way. Each of us have our own personal reasons for the decisions we make in life. You cannot fully understand someone and their choices before you walk a mile in their shoes. I am pro choice I am glad i had the choice to end my daughters suffering instead of delivering her in pieces. Yes i am a murderer and i will face my maker for that one. I do not at all see the correlation between adoption and abortion. If a woman chooses not to abort she still has two choices: parenting or adoption. I do not believe anyone should be pushed or talked into placing a child for adoption. It has to be her choice freely and fully. Thankfully the agency we chose agrees with us that is why 3 out of 4 of their adoptions don't happen. As impossible as it is for me to believe that some people go thru all of the adoption red tape only to abuse or neglect their children. I do believe it happens. I was an abused child in every sense of the word. I didn't look like anyone in my family and hoped i was adopted. No luck there. I was their biological child. My childhood was the worst. I will never speak to those people again. I often wished i was aborted. So i can see where some adoptee say it would have been better to be aborted than to go through their painful childhoods. We are all at different places here in this forum. I only had to deal with infertility for 2 long years. It was a horrible feeling I remember that. I lived in darkness until my adopted daughter came along, thats why i call her sunshine. (eventually i did get pregnant and deliver a healthy baby) I have been in counseling my whole adult life. I will always be in counseling. There is nothing wrong with that. So i have no problems telling to go to counseling. I had to learn how to be available and how to be attracted to the "good boy". There was no way i was going to marry an alcoholic and continue the cycle it would end with me. Don't look at life as what you don't have rather what you do have. You have your health, You have your family, You have a big wonderful world out there. Live it! Date, get married and have a family any way it comes to you. Adopt it is wonderful and beautiful if done correctly. I wish you all the best. Please go to counseling or find a support group. Please don't find my words condescending, I'm just a little older and because of that a little wiser.(hopefully lol) One the plus side, I embrace my torturious childhood. It made me who i am today. I am proud of myself and extremely happy. I have 5 beautiful children and a wonderfully supportive, loving husband and we enjoy our lives by living it everyday is a gift. GL Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Gracie Ray	Suppose you are 15, have been raped by your uncle several times since 13, and now you find out your pregnant, by your uncle. How do you deal with a situation such as this. Not all people get abortions because they are irresponsible. I, by no means, agree with abortions for those who use drugs, are alcoholics, and get pregnant all the time. However for those who are in rough situations, how do you suppose they live with this their entire life. There are so many difficulties in both adopting out and aborting. However some reason are better for each way out. The ultimate problem isn't abortion. It's why these people are getting pregnant in the first place? Obviously rape is no match, but for those who have sex just to do so, then turn around and have abortions or adopt out. Those are the true issues. You need to attack those that are abusing the power rather than choosing the better route for themselves and the baby. I guess you would have to be on the other side of the spectrum to understand the true victims emotional catastrophes. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

eve	I think you are personally involved in the abortion/adoption issue and have no way of being objective about it. It reminds me of the time I had a miscarriage and was obviously very sad -- and I was doing pretty well except when I went to work and heard a baby crying, I nearly broke down. How could anyone just let a baby cry? It still and always has saddened me to think that there are people who can just let a beby cry but, most of the time in my life I can be rational about it and distance my self from the situation and or not listen, or even know that it's just none of my business how other people choose to raise their kids. But, because I was feeling so sad about having lost a baby, I could not be rational about it when I heard a baby crying. You have a unique personal story about how you feel about abortion and it is totally understandable. However, I really do believe that someone else has the right to have or not have a baby based on their own life and their own personal experiences -- and you don't have the right to impose your viewpoint on them when it comes to them choosing to have a baby or an abortion or even when it comes to when or if they are ready to be sexually active. I absolutely wish we lived in a world where abortions were never necessary and every child grew up to be wanted and loved. No one should have sex until they are ready to bare the burden of having a baby -- but, it doesn't work that way in the real world. Making abortion illegal will not eliminate abortions. Women who have money will still get abortions, only they will be far more dangerous. Women who can't afford an "underground abortion" will be having far more unwanted babies who will then need to be supported themselves. Education is so much the key -- educate girls so they know what's involved in becoming sexually active, educate both sexes so they understand about the risks of getting pregnant and the details of abortion. And educate all girls in all areas so they will see that their world offers so many wonderful opportunities for them beyond teenage motherhood. I am so sorry that thinking about abortion brings you such pain. Know that your pain is personal and that your right to make judgements that effect others should not be based on that. I think you should look into getting help to come to terms with the limitation your situation has presented you with. There are definitely support groups for infertile women and you may find it very helpful to talk to other women who share and understand your pain in a way that most of us can't. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Lillie	How can anyone be responsible for fulfilling your desire to be a parent? I'm truly sorry for your loss, but be realistic. Nobody else on this planet is responsible for giving you their child. Nobody. Women have a right to have sex and enjoy their sexuality. We need to let go of this patriarchal, chauvanistic idea that women need to keep their legs shut and their hymens intact until the right man comes along and marries her. And MEN are just as responsible as women when it comes to birth control...it's not just the woman's fault when a pregnancy occurs!!! NO, we shouldn't be using abortion as a means of birth control; but we shouldn't be using ADOPTION as a means of birth control, either! How do you justify the fact that adoptees have a higher rate of depression? Suicide? That adoptees make up a higher percentage of the criminal population? Do you think it's just a coincidence? I'll tell you why...because being given away by your mother, no matter HOW good and loving of a home you go into, SUCKS. It HURTS. It is no walk in the park to know that your own mother gave you away, that she didn't want you, that she just handed you off to strangers. Adoptees live their entire lives wondering who they are, faced with identity issues, attachment problems, inability to trust and form healthy relationships. Not all, but many do. Many more than the rest of the non-adopted population. Think about that for a while. Better to adopt than to abort? Maybe, but then again NOBODY is responsible for giving anybody else their child. Not me, not the 15 year old pregnant girl down the street. Sometimes we just have to deal with the cards we are dealt in life. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Tmarie99	If you don't like the opinion, stay away from those people. It is their opinion and they are entitled to it. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

goodquestion	I think you have to keep in mind that people speak from their own experience. If someone tells you that they would have been better off aborted, you are the one being insensitive and even cruel if you tell them that they are wrong. Not everyone believes that unwanted babies should be brought willy-nilly into the world. Those of us who have lived with the emotional and physical consequences of our mothers being forced to carry us unwillingly have more than mere theory to justify our beliefs. You wish for something that has not happened. Your situation is unfortunate: something you need to face and work through. There is a necessary grief process, certainly. However, we grieve for something that has actually happened. Don't make it worse by complaining that our pain treads on your sensibilities. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Erin L	Hey, sweetheart. I have been there with you my friend. I found out my ovaries didn't work when I was 12. You are 27 now, hon. I think you really need to find help in dealing with your infertility grief, especially before you consider adoption possibly in the future. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Peaness	I've only seen a couple mention that it is 'better' than adoption if the people having the child is in no way mature enough to handle a child. Would you rather have a child that is abused? Most likely SOME (definitely not all) who choose abortion wouldn't even do the 'right' thing to get that child adopted. Would it be better for an abortion to occur or for a child to be raised in an abusive environment? I'm not one to say that abortion is 'better', however from that one thread about which is more 'emotional' yes I feel that the whole adoption process is more emotional overall than having an abortion. I suggest if reading this stuff makes you cry to stop reading it. It's really as simple as that. I'm not saying this to be mean in any way but if it really bothers you hang out with those that have the same views as you so that you don't have to see how other people really feel. I just wanted to say there is no in between of being pro-life or pro-choice. If you're for the choice of having an abortion if a woman is raped...then you're a pro-choice. Laxchik - Even tho, I'm pro-choice I'm totally against abortion past the 1st trimester partial birth abortions sickens me. (sorry off topic but had to respond to her comment) Just because somebody didn't choose to abort me doesn't mean that is to be held above my head like they deserve a medal. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Laurel J	I'm really sorry you can't have your own children. I understand why you feel very senstive about this issue. And I don't think one choice or another is always better. I'm just very, very glad to have all my options open. Try to understand that when you lament someone else's abortion this way you are, in effect, claiming she has some moral obligation to carry a baby to term and give it to you. There's no guarantee that, if a woman decides not to abort, she will choose to relinquish her baby to anyone, let alone you. It's her choice. I don't mean to sound ugly or uncaring. You are obviously very unhappy about this, and you have a perfect right to your feelings. I just think you need to accept that the only person whose actions you have any control over is you. You have to let everyone else's choices go, because they're not yours to make and you can't change them. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

amyburt40	Because some of us live adoption. Adoption has been known to kill adoptees. I know several adoptees who have committed suicide. I know of many cases where the adoptive parents have killed the adoptee. Some of us have been hurt badly by adoption. I too have wished that I could have been aborted. Thus being born into a family that really wanted me and who I looked like. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Jen	I debated whether to report this "question" for simply being a rant but there are SOME well thought out replies so I decided against it. A lot of people seem to think that when a woman aborts a pregnancy it is because it is "inconvenient" for her to have the disruption to her lifestyle. It is put across that she is an unfeeling, stupid woman who opened her legs & "got herself into trouble" not thinking about the consequences. Some make genuine mistakes and are then faced with an impossible question ~ do I bring a child into the world to be brought into the cycle of abuse that is my life? Often carrying a baby to term and offering that child for adoption is too much to bear and with the stress the mother is already under there is a good chance the baby will suffer in the womb, not to mention what might happen if she is the victim of physical abuse. You have your own issues here relating to your infertility and it appears that due to those you are unable to see clearly when it comes to this issue. It seems that due to your circumstances you are pro-life, not pro-choice. That is your choice, or maybe it is because you are unable to make this choice that your opinion is how it is. I am sorry that you are unable to conceive. However, my stance is ~ my body, my choice ~ if I want your opinion I'll ask for it. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

ncaachamp	I think your letting your personal health issues cloud the issue. In an ideal setting people would just stop having sex for recreation. And you would have to prove yourself capable of being a good parent and thus allowed to have children. I can't believe we don't regulate that yet. But in our present circumstances most global problems are caused by just too many people on the face of the Earth. Hence abortion is a viable option. At least as far curtailing the burdern put on society by an unwanted child and by another human depleting resources and producing waste and pollution. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

snow flake	I was adopted and, quite frankly, I wish I had been aborted. I know you probably think I'm a horrible person for saying that, but I don't care because it's the truth. I have had a very unhappy life, and I have tried suicide. It's definitely not freaking funny when I see people on here making fun of slitting wrists...I have the scars on my wrists that remind me every day of how close I was to ending it all. Unfortunately for me, slitting your wrists is a really hard way to kill yourself, I'll try a better method next time. I'm not sure what the statistics are for adoptees and suicide, probably nobody bothered to keep them. I do remember that the therapist I had when I was a teenager (I've had lots of therapy btw) told me that, although adoptees comprise 3-4% of the total population they make up about 35% of those that get therapy or that end up in mental institutions. It's quite shocking to think about. You think that just because someone is adopted by a loving family, they will have a good life? You are very, very naive. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Aaron W	I can see where you're coming from but people who comes from different backgrounds share different values. I'm sure you've heard/read what some other women has to say about why abortion should be legal and it should be a choice. I know I can go on and on about why abortion is or can be a positive thing but it seems like you'll never agree with us. This is an on going battle it's not just gonna settle like that... I hope you understand what some of them are trying to say... and let it be a choice Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

LaurieDB	Although I don't think abortion is a great thing, people who choose it normally don't want to carry to full term. They aren't likely to decide to carry to full term, simply to give the child up. I have known women who said there was no way the could do that, so they ended up getting abortions. Deciding to relinquish or to abort very often comes from two different lines of thinking, based firstly on whether or not the mother wants to carry to full term. I understand the hurt of not being able to conceive. I never could, either. I think it would be good for you to seek a counselor to help you deal with the loss of being able to have a child, and to grieve that. That helps to overcome the anger that comes when thinking about how it's not fair that these women who don't even want kids or who abuse kids can get pregnant when I couldn't. I know I would have those thoughts. But, being angry at those other women didn't change anything for me. I still hurt and needed to work through those feelings. I hope the very best for you. Remember that despite everything, if you want to adopt, there are so many children in foster care who have no families. They need that love and stability that a family can give them. Sadly, there is no shortage of these children. Best to you, Laurie Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Andraya	I am sorry to hear about your infertility... but you are only seeing one side of adoption, the side where a loving couple gets the child of their dreams. There are other sides, sides of loss, confusion, pain and grief. I am on the other two sides of adoption and honestly there are days when I wish abortion had been on my n-moms radar. I wonder if my lost son will feel the same. Obviously you are struggling with your inability to conceive. I feel for you as I have been there. But what another woman chooses to do with her body is HER business. Your nose should stay firmly in your own, IMHO. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Problem Child	Wow, you are so judgemental, and totally unrealistic. People shouldn't have sex unless they're willing to have a baby? Seriously, what century are you living in? There isn't a snowball's chance in hell that every woman who gets pregnant will be willing to have the baby. The reason why abortion was legalized in the first place, was because women were dying getting dangerous, unsterile abortions ANYWAY, even though it was illegal. I suppose you would like to go back to pre-1973 and have the baby aborted AND the woman dying too? You live in a fantasy if you think that if abortion were to be made illegal that women would stop having them. Women would have them or try to do it themselves, just like they used to do, and they would be dying of it, just like they used to. Why don't you do a little research into Roe v. Wade...go ahead, you can cry while your doing it....and then stop seeing the world in black and white absolutes and come back here and tell us all what you've learned. I'm an RN and I've probably seen more sad things than you will in your whole life. When you start seeing people as individuals who aren't perfect then your outlook starts to change, and you don't judge others quite so harshly. I'm not particularly fond of abortion, either, nor would I participate in them, but I don't rag on the nurses who do, nor do I feel that they should be abolished. The ramifications are much more complicated than how you're looking at them. I'm sorry you can't have your own children, but you shouldn't judge other women who choose not to carry their pregnancy for whatever the reason...it has nothing to do with you or your infertility. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

tish	i fail to see the connection between your infertiliy and another woman's reproductive choice. regarding abortion, NO body would deny that the procedure results in the termination of a pregnancy. hence, many try to support legislation to PREVENT UNINTENDED PREGNANCIES IN THE FIRST PLACE.--but somehow, i think that would go against your agenda. ironcially, many who want less abortions, also want less contraception and sex education to prevent gasp unintended pregnancies! also, i find it ironic that many who are so pro-fetus, are quick to defund programs such as head-start, medicaid, and other programs to help "living breathing" children. i'm sorry you are depressed. but i do not think your depression gives you the right to expect women to gestate so that you can parent. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

grapesgum	For me I think that abortion is horrible and I could never have one. However, I also think that it is horrible for anyone to expect another woman to endure a pregnancy and then give her precious child away. It is dehumanizing to think of another woman's womb and the child in her womb as a commodity belonging to someone else. It is really none of your business how other people manage their lives, and it is futile to try to control other people. Work on your own life first. Have you looked into adopting a child who is already here? Thousands of children need homes. Beating people over the head with the abortion morality stick while openly wanting to take a baby away from someone screams of exploitation and self entitlement. Some organizations have finally figured out that the most effective way to prevent abortions is help mothers and fathers to parent their children. Some churches have converted their adoption mills of the baby scoop era into residences for young families and help them with job training, health care, and day care. If abortion truly sickens you, why not help support the efforts one of these organizations? Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

tonalc1	People have different opinions. I don't mean to sound harsh, but if it makes you sad and sick to read those opinions, stop reading them. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

lillilou	waste less time fixating on this and more time volunteering in your community (and not just a picketing) Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Proud	Well, if it makes you sick to look at pictures of abortion or to hear people talking about abortion, then don't hang out in the abortion section. Go hang out with your beautiful nieces/nephews. Go on a few dates. That's how you avoid reading all the talk of abortion on this site. Does it make it go away? Of course not, but you can't waste your life worrying about things that you can't control. I have 3 beautiful children that I could never dream of NOT having in this world. I strongly dislike the idea of abortion. However, its not me that's in the situation that these other girls are in. I don't judge. I just say a little prayer and continue to do what is right by me. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Elizabeth	Hmm well since you are infertile you never have to worry about having an abortion now do you? I cannot believe the mysognistic and Puritanical views spewed on this post. What I do with my body, is my choice. Frankly it is no ones business, and if I wanted 10 abortions that would be my perogative. You sound rather hysterical in your "question". Perhaps you need to take a step back, go pick some flowers, and take a walk in a nearby meadow. No matter what you think, nor the vitriol that you and your ilk sputter, you will not be able to stop abortion. I suggest you get over it. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No