Giving my child up for adoption?

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StacieG	First your boyfriend's parents are bigoted & I'm sorry they hold the views they do. God bless you for dealing with all that trash! Go to an agency or attorney (I've heard excellent things about Bethany http://www.bethany.org and know lots of people at Lifeline http://www.lifelineadoption.org who are wonderful). They'll be able to help you find the adoptive family you want to parent the child. You can choose the level of openness you're most comfortable with. It sounds like you don't want to actually be involved in the child's life, so a fully open adoption isn't what you're looking for...but if you want to get letters/updates/pictures once a year or whatever, you can specify that...if you want no contact, you can choose that, too. May God bless you as you go through all of this and work through your choices. I'm glad you have such a supportive boyfriend. Now...mixed race...there are LOTS of people who have no preference as to race of the child...there are a few who want a child who looks "just like them" but there are lots who are open to whatever race or combination of races. They just want a child to pour their lives and hearts into. That describes us. We had two biological sons & adopted two daughters who are Latin American. They're fantastic & I'd lay my life down for any of them! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

jvr1	I adopted my daughter out to wonderful people 13yrs ago. It is called an "open adoption" but I chose not to see her. I wanted them to be her parents and not to confuse her. I recieve pictures of her regularly and she is very happy. I always believe whatever is best for the child is important. good luck. I know from my experience it is very tough and heart wrenching but I made myself follow thru for her. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

kathyw	Here's what you have to remember: your baby will want to know who you are. A mother is a powerful person in anyone's life, and so is a father. Adopted children always want to meet or contact their biological parents at some point. You will be special in her or his life for that reason. Even if the baby is raised by parents who adopt. Puerto Rican/ Irish Italian is not such a dramatic mix of heritages, I don't think. Do not be surprised if, after carrying your baby to term and feeling life grow within you to emerge as a blend of you and your boyfriend's features, you change your mind about adoption. And don't feel bad about it if you do change your mind about adoption. It is not for everybody. Also, I urge you to get a grip on the finances involved. Right now, you should be looking into low-cost insurance and state programs for low-income mothers. Your baby needs medical visits while in the womb. So do you. Don't try to do this with cold cash when there may be a program for unwed mothers that takes care of this. It's not a luxury, it's a necessity. The biggest expense you will have with a baby is child care. If you and your boyfriend share that, or have relatives who want to help, you can make it until you both are working. Disposable diapers are expensive, cloth diapers are less expensive but mean more laundry. I can tell you that when I had my second child, I realized that there were a lot of things I bought for the first child that I could have gotten second hand from relatives ( a crib that is sturdy and safe is absolutely important but I can't think of anything else that I would ever buy new...) or at a yard sale. In particular, baby clothing! I breast fed and never had to bottle feed. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Maiden Fair	You are a great and caring person to give your child the opportunity of a good, stable home life and a bright future. Ask your Dr. for the name of an adoption agency in your area. Also, I am including a link to an agency that has a wonderful reputation: http://www.buckneradoption.org/ God bless you! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

vrs31proverbs31	Thank you for looking into adoption as a option. You won't have any problem finding a couple who will love to bring up your child. I my self am a adoptive mother of two adopted boys who are multi racial and I am finding more and more couples are adopting out side their race. :) As for your rights as the parent(s) of your child IT IS YOUR right to be able find and get to know if you want the adoptive family. When it comes to finding a family for your child please check around and talk to as many different families as you can, never go with the first family until you have check out a few others that way it helps you know for sure they are the couple or family for your child. You can go through a adoption agency, adoption attorney and or there are places like parent profile .com and Expectant Mothers. GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS and just remember it is also your right to change your mind if you decide adoption is not the bast option for you. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

LC	First of all, you should be commended for taking such a courageous position and making this decision. By the way, if you decide ot change your mind and keep the baby later on, that doesn't make you a bad person. I suggest contacting an adoption attorney (www.adoptionattorneys.org) and setting up an adoption plan. They will provide you with everything you need to know, as well as offer counseling before and after the birth if you should want it. If you want to choose the family, you can. The attorney/agency will provide you with the profiles, a 10 - 20 page "marketing brochure" for the potential adoptive parents, and you will choose the people that will adopt your child. Who isn't mixed in this country anymore?? Even "full blooded" people probably have a mix somewhere in the family. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

meghananne23	((((HUGS))))) Thank-you so much for choosing this loving decision! You are a very kind and wonderful person!!! There are literally THOUSANDS of loving couples who would be thrilled to adopt your baby - no, I don't think people feel differently about adoption a "mixed" baby at all. In fact, there are probably mixed race couples who ideally would like a child like yours. Here is a # to call for help: 1-800-592-4725 You are a hero!!!!!!!! THANK-YOU for making this decision!!!! ((HUGS)) Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Nurse Jacqui	First of all, let me just say that you are making such an amazing, unselfish decision to give your child the life that he/she deserves. The best way to find a family for your child is to contact a reputable adoption agency in the state that you live in and allow them to help you find a family for your baby! You can start by looking through books about potential familes, narrowing down your options by things you do and do not want for your child (like by religion for example). Some people feel differently about adoping children of different races, but a good agency will show you only families that have stated that they would be open to adopting a child of your child's race. Once you have narrowed it down to a few families, if you would like, you can set up a meeting with each of the families to help you make your decision! God Bless! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Teddy Geiger'sFan :]	Isnt having a child the greatest gift on earth? But if you cant support the child then adoption is the way forward! It shouldnt be too hard,many people who cant concive will adopt a child of any race! Contact you local adoption agency! Thease syts may help: www.everychildmatters.gov.uk/adoption/ www.ehow.com/how_1690_child-adoption.h... www.afteradoption.org.uk This must have been a tough decision, ihope my advice helped! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

112	Im sad now :( But you must do whats right for your child. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

CAP3395	Babies are precious. It is awesome that you are willing to give it a good home. That is probably the smartest choice you could make. If you can't afford it now, you won't be able to whn the baby is born. You need to find an agency though. Doing it on your own is dangerous. Just don't freak out - know that your baby will have the best of both worlds. I don't think race is a factor at all. Babies are beautiful----- Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Kayla	I gave up my bay for adoption and I went through Lutheran Social Services I choose the parents and I am still in his life he is now 22......I am swedish and his birth father is hispanic no one had a problem with his ethnicity...I wish for you the best and I hope that your baby is born is healthy!!!!!! I know this will be very difficult for you but know there are people out there who can't have children and want so much to provide for a child and give him/her everything they need... Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

mylilsims	I too have been in your shoes. I placed my daughter for adoption because of the same reasons you list. I Knew I was not ready. I was 16. I also have the other side of the coin so to speak as I was adopted myself at 6 months of age. I was raised in a wonderful home with lots of love. First thing is do not let ANYONE sway what you feel in your heart to be the best thing for you. There are many adoption organizations that will allow you to meet and choose the parents for your baby,. There are So many great people out here looking to adopt and want the love of a child. Just be SURE to speak to a professional either a lawyer who specializes in adoption or a adoption organization to help you. Here are a few links http://www.birthmotherresources.com/birth_mother/birth_mother_start.htm http://open.adoption.com/ http://www.ehow.com/how_2074406_place-child-adoption.html There are MANY links and organizations Take your time do not rush. and check out the places and people you deal with. There is an abundance of Scams out here now days so just take your time. Many forums and support groups out here try googling for adoption agencies in your city and or state. that is a good start Once you get in to one they can help you with the steps Good Luck and Bless you for putting the baby first. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

michelle s	HI,I WAS IN A BAD RELATIONSHIP 12 YRS. AGO AND I HAD A BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER OUT OF THIS.I COULD NOT TAKE CARE OF HER SO I HAD TO GIVE HER UP.I WENT THROUGH A CHRISTIAN ADOPTION AGENCY IN TEGA CAY,SC AND THEY PERIODICALLY GIVE ME UPDATES ON HER.SHE HAS HAD A VERY GOOD LIFE AND I KNOW I GAVE HER WHAT SHE DESERVES.ADOPTION TO THE RIGHT AGENCY IS A GOOD THING.THERE ARE SO MANY GOOD PEOPLE OUT THERE LOOKING FOR A CHILD. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Monica	Once you have the baby, it will probably be hard to hand it over to someone. It's one of those natural things. Think really hard before you make this decision. Anyone who can take the time to make a baby can take the time to find a job and support it. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Granny 1	No there is always someone who can't have kids and would give your baby a good home. There should be a agency in your area that can help. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Barbara E	Have you considered family adoption? This process is fairly streamlined and can almost be done as a "do it yourself" sort of thing. If this is not an appealing option for you, then contact your local crisis pregnancy center; look in the phone book under abortion alternative; Some people use want ads and online searches to find birth parents and adoptive homes; I have no experience with this. If you deal with an agency, make sure it has a history and all of the appropriate licenses This is a big big step; as an adoptive parent I applaud your decision. Good luck to you Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

keepfaith387	Hey hun. I am 21 years old and know completely know what you are going through. I recently gave my baby up about 4 weeks ago. I am not gunna tell you not to or what to do but it honestly is the hardest thing I have ever gone through and still going through. Right now I feel as if I made a huge mistake but I am praying that this is just the process. Just make this is really what you want. Its feels has if you have lost something forever. I would really really get some counseling before because honestly it will hit you like a ton a bricks after. Anyways, I chose the family for my baby and I am really close with them and they are good people. So that makes it a little bit better. Good luck with everything! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

blondie	All a child needs is his or her parents. And love. There is a part of me that will NEVER forgive my mother for giving me away to someone else. To start one's life feeling unwanted, unloved, and given away isn't necessarily giving your child a better life.. just one that begins with pain and loss. I agree that you do some more research into mothers who have relinquished their children. There is a lot of grief that goes along with that.. My birthmother still can't cope with it, 35 years later. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Quietstorm	No matter what other people say, it is you and your boyfriend's decision about whether to raise your child or make a plan of adoption for your child. My advice, is to not rush into this decision. Think about what you want for your child and what you want for yourselves. This will be one of the hardest decisions you will have to make. You do not have to decide now. Most states give a certain time for you to change your mind once you sign the paperwork for adoption and typically you cannot sign the paperwork until after the baby is born. But, it is good that you are beginning to think about it now. If you do choose to make a plan of adoption, then there are agencies that you can contact in your state/area that will help you select a family. Many agencies nowadays have profiles that prospective adoptive parents have put together. You can review those profiles in the office or online. You can sometimes even set up a meeting with the families depending on the agency's rules. Also, many agencies provide birthparent counselors for you and your boyfriend if you need someone to talk to or listen. In addition, you yourself might know of a family who would be willing to adopt. If you do, then you would need to contact the family or an attorney. Or, you might know of a relative who would be willing to adopt the baby. In regards to the baby being mixed, most prospective adoptive couples do not care if the baby is mixed. Yes, there are some who specify a particular race but there are others who just want a child. And, if you go with an agency prospective adoptive parents do not pay a different rate for babies of a certain race. Best of luck to you and your boyfriend. You will be in my prayers. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

josh g	I just want to say that me and my wife have been trying for 5 years and we just found out she can't have children at all we are looking to do an open adoption because that is what we have always wanted to do if we ever had to adopt in which we have to do now since my wife can't have children at all now. We always wanted to start a family of our own but we found out after 5 years of trying that we can't have children of our own. We would love to be able to adopt so that we can finally have a child to love and care for as our own. If you have any questions please don't hesitate to contact me and ask. I also wanted to say that I am half Irish and half Italian too. And me and my wife are Christian people born and raised. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Joy M	Don't give your baby up, you can do it, people do everyday, and never regret it, adoption brings a lifetime of tears with it, raising your child will bring happiness and strength. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

JENNIFER M	I first of all wanted to say that I think giving your baby up for adoption can be a great thing. Its a very giving thing that your doing for your child's future because you know that you cannot provide for it in the ways that a baby's needs. Adoption can be a beautiful thing and can provide a loving family with a child that they so desperatley want. As for your question, I think there are many people out there that would love to have a baby regardless if the baby is mixed or not. Secondly sometimes instead of having a stranger adopting your child maybe you could have someone in your family adopt it. Someone maybe like a distant cousin,aunt or uncle or even a friend. That way you know more about the people that you are giving the child to and the family might be more flexable in letting you have contact with the child. Good luck with your choice and choose the decision that is right for you and what your heart tells you to regardless of other peoples opionions. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

ASHLEY	i know someone that wants to have a baby and their whating on open adoption they have been waiting a baby for some time now if you want you can go thouse a court house pm me if you have any other ? plz consider my friends they are wondreful people thank you Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Kaci	I think most people these days just want an infant, so if you can line up an open adoption for you and your baby it would benefit everyone. I was going to openly adopt when I thought I couldn't conceive. (I am still open to adopting one day!) Go through an organization that facilitates open adoptions, where you can choose parents who have had home studies done. It should be a fairly simple procedure, once you pick a family. Try www.adoption.org for starters! Good luck, and I hope you find a family that allows you to be in the child's life! I think adoptions are most successful that way! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Possum	All your unborn child needs is you and your love. I know many many mother's who have relinquished their children to adoption - either of their own will - or by force. There are very few who are truly happy about their decision. I am willing to bet that most answers here that lean in the positive towards adoption - would be posts from adoptive parents, those that wish to adopt, or adoption agencies themselves. A little biased - I would think. They want your baby. Seriously - they only care about you - until you hand over that baby. I hope for your sake - and for your child - that you keep. Good luck. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

grapesgum	I suggest that you get counseling at your school's health services and talk to your parents before you contact agencies to be sure that adoption is what you want. If you decide to pursue adoption, I also suggest that you have a backup plan to parent your child in case you have a change of heart after you give birth. For example, are your parents willing to step in and help with your child while you finish school? Adoption is a decision that needs to be made all over again after you see and hold your child. I read that about 50% of the parents who are planning an adoption change their minds after birth - you want to be prepared for that possibility. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Narnian Artist	There are many adoption services out there that allow you to choose the family your baby will go to, and my experience is that families who can't have their own children are more than happy to be able to raise a child of any race mixed or not. I personally would not mind one bit adopting a mixed baby. Here is one site that allows you to look at prospective families without giving out any of your info: http://www.providentliving.org/ses/birthmother/searchprofiles/0,12268,2133-1,00.html I'd do an internet search to find others. Good luck. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

CelticSaint	So you're pregnant, well sorry to have to say this to you but, if both yourself and the father are healthy and young why can't you keep the baby. It's an inconvience for you both is it? You want your freedom? Before you do anything I suggest you read 'Coming home to self' by Nancy Newton Verrier. This book will let you know what you are about to do and what effect that it will have on your baby. ONLY YOU CAN GIVE YOUR UNBORN BABY WHAT SHE/HE NEEDS. Nobody else in the world is ideally suited as you for that role. All that baby need is YOU and your LOVE. Nothing else. I know that this may sound tough but believe me adoption isn't the perfect solution that it's said to be. Ask any mixed up, insecure, low self-esteem, nervous, introverted, unsure, hurt kid/adult who's been adopted. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

FJM	Releasing you child for adoption is one of the most UNSELFISH things you could do. Many young couples who want children agonize for a child. The child would be loved and cared for. You may even look into an "open adoption" where as you have say in picking the parents. You look through profiles and meet prior to the birth. The birth parents will keep you in the loop as the child grows. My best wishes to you, and God bless you and your child. You are on the right track. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

rox	I'm going to repeat myself here: Notice all the praise you got here? Would you get the same praise if you were planning on keeping? Would people call you valiant? The social pressure to place a baby for adoption over keeping is high. Women are exhalted to martyr status for agreeing to destroy themselves so that their child can have a "better life". People praise "birthmothers" for their great self sacrafice and strength, and there is still a large stigma against parenting if you are single/low income/young. Remember that you are not a birthmother yet. If when you hold that precious baby in your arms, you feel in your heart, "I want to do everything I can in my power to be there for and with this child in every way, even if it's the same as an adoptive family. Not worse, just different." Then please, please consider that all this pressure to gain the praise of being a birth martyr will not make as much sense after you lose your child. Your reasons for placing will not make as much sense if you realize that the circumstance was not as dire as people around you kept telling you. Just listen to this message, all these people here who don't have a CLUE who you are, or what your situation is, are telling you that you are not good enough to be a mother and the best thing you can do is give your child to someone else. How on earth would they know that adoption is the BEST decision for your child? I'm not going to tell you that you shouldn't place. If you are homeless, planning on living with a boyfriend who is known for beating you and kids, using hard drugs...etc... There may be a situation you can not over come. I don't know you. But I know myself and many many women who believed adoption was the ONLY way to give their children a loving home. And they realize that they were caught up in all the hype of everyone telling them how wonderful they are and how great of a person they are. Eight years later, the same people will say things like, "Why would adoptees care about their birthmothers? She's not a mom, after all she just gave up her kids and didn't do anything for them, not all the hard work the adoptive parents did." Please, do some reading from other women who have placed kids, and people who are adopted... there are many people who will help you get resources, counseling, medical, whatever we can help guide you to. Your life will never be the same after you lose a child, and what to say to your co-workers will be the last of your worries. http://paragraphein.wordpress.com http://musingsofthelame.blogspot.com http://www.soulofadoption.com Also, if you participate in forums with other women who have placed, they might have more helpful advice for you about this situation than adoptive parents, hopeful adoptive parents, adoptees, and people who have no affiliation with adoption and don't know what it's about. None of these people know what adoption is about for the women who lose their children. I wish you the best. I hope that you find whatever resources you feel you are lacking so that you may raise your child with confidence, and if you truly want to place your child, the only reason you do so is because you truly don't want your child, not due to lacking in resources or support. If there is a lack of resources and support, please reach out, many of us want to help you. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No