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 Is there a special service for adoption for military?
My husband is in the Navy and I was wondering if there are any special programs to help military members adopt....

 Im 17 and adopted: wanting to find real parents?
ive met my grandparents but they have recently both died and dont know my father but i do know my mothers name....

 Contacting a Sibling?
My husband's adoption was a closed adoption. Recently he contacted his birth mother hoping to have some questions answered. He has no real interest other than finding medical info and having ...

 What is involved in persuing a career in adoption services in the state of New York?
I am curious about what is entailed in becoming employed at an adoption agency to provide services to adoptive and biological parents, however I do not know what credientials, etc I will need. I live ...

 I am the one with the illegal adoptin.?
1. I was the one adopted.
2. The adoption papers weren't notarized.
3. What would you do if this happened to you.
4. My adoption wasnt a good one cause i was abused.
5. Found ...

 Are you adopted, and have you adopted a child your self now?? ?
I am adopted. I have a wonderful family of my own and I intend to adopt a child. I wanted to get some insight as to how c.a.s looks at this, if being adopted your self makes it an easier process or a ...

 How Do I Go About Finding My Birth Family?
Any body know of some good sites or any one that does searchers.. that are deep searches.. that find SS# can get all kinds of info.. like Marriage Licence Birth Cert. ECT in any one can help that ...

 VA adoption laws and open records?
Can someone more "knowledgeable" than I explain the adoption laws in regard to open records in Virginia..

Here's a link I found.. Can anyone explain what the wording means....

 What if you couldn't choose?
It just occurred to me that, when pregnant, the child we get is whatever God decides or genetics or chance happens at conception.

But adoptive parents seem to have a list of what they ...

 Are there any gay people on here who are adoptive parents?
If so, did you adopt gay children? Did you do foster care? Do you have any advice for someone wanting to do both?
Additional Details
If you don't like my questions, don't ...

 My children's first father is already thinking about dating agian?
His long-time girlfriend, my children's first mother, just died a month ago. I think this is horrible. It's too soon! Not only was she my friend, so I think that it is dishonorable to ...

 Adoptive Parents,I have a dilemma could you guys help me out?
In about 6 months I will have the honor and pleasure of adopting 2 children. I took in my Niece (Age 10) after some circumstances I would not like to bring up. 6 Months later I think about and deiced ...

 Can someone please explain to me what i need to do to adopt?
I am thinking of adopting another child, Preferably a baby. I have 4 children ages 13,9,5,and 4 and i really enjoy the company of children. I am new at adopting, what do i have to do?...

 Is it likely that we can adopt?
I am a 22 (almost 23) year old mother of 3. My husband is 23 years old and we have been married over 3 years. We both are perfectly capable of having more biological children but feel we can do more ...

 Is foster care or adoption done through the state or your county?
If it's the county, can I go to the next county over, or does it have to be the one I reside in?...

 If all adoptions (domestic, foster, baby, private, special needs, international, etc.) were 100% free...?
Where do you think the highest "demand" for child would be?
Additional Details
And do you think that more adoptions would be considered "ethical" by the majority of ...

 I am being adopted???????????? (sorry it's so long I have a lot on my mind)?
I am a 14 (will be 15 in 3 weeks) year old girl and I have been in foster care since I was 11 because my mum could not take care of me. I have been in 7 home and I was finally put up for adoption 1 ...

 Arizona step-parent adoption laws or help?
My daughter is 9 and has been raised by my husband since she was 4. Her biological dad has never been around, ordered to pay support and has not worked to hide from that. My husband would like to ...

 Where would I find adoption records in Arizona?
Looking to find some info. Do I need the specific court that handled the adoption or just the superior court in the state? Any advice would be great!...

 How long is the process and what can I expect adopting in Texas?
My husband and I want to adopt two little brothers and have not yet had a home study or anything. My three sons are grown and on their own. I love being a mom and I would like to have them here right ...

For children in foster care: how many chances do parents have to get them back?
How many should they have?

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If they clean up their act "sufficiently", they can reclaim their children. However, once they are discovered unfit to parent, they should never have another chance

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Heather B
They get chances but no help to achieve the goal

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In attending the foster parenting courses in the last few weeks, and belonging to support groups that deal with adoption, and reading answers here and other places, there's just not a definite answer to this question.

Years ago, many more kids aged out of the system than what do now. Laws have been put in place to make stricter guidelines for kids to either be reunited, or parental rights terminated. A lot depends on how a parent does. For instance, if he or she is not working, but they have attended their drug courses, passed the drug tests, done their parenting courses, and have gone to visitation, they'll probably get their kids back, if they're on assistance and can parent them. If they've gone 6 months, and only 2 days before their court hearing, they've entered into their drug rehab, and had a relapse the night before, they've had sufficient time, and then TPR can take place.

Kids need permanency. They need their parents, and if their natural parents aren't going to step up to the plate, and get their acts straight, these kids deserve good homes with loving families. Foster basically means temporary, and they deserve better than that.

As long as significant progress is made, even if every "I" isn't dotted, and every "t" not crossed, then the parents most likely will get another chance. No one enjoys taking kids away from parents. No one wants to. The fact is, they have to, because there are reasons to take the kids, and the kids deserve better.

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The parents have unlimited opportunities to get their children back by trying to comply with court orders. The court makes every effort to reconcile the family and if the parents are making any progress towards compliance they continue to work with them. Only after the court is convinced that the parents no longer have the chance of coming into compliance do they relinquish their parental rights.

It is the general consensus of the mental health community that reconciliation of the family unit is in everyone's best interest, mostly the children's.

If you are interested in adopting a child in foster care and their parent's rights haven't been terminated, prepare yourself for a long stressful process that may very likely result in your having a broken heart.

There are many children in foster care that are free to be adopted and many of them want to be adopted. Those are the children you should consider adding to your family.

Good luck.

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In WA they have passed a law that after the child is in the system for 12 months they move towards relinquishing their rights. Now if they start to relinquish rights and mom has cleaned up her act then they would postpone relinquishment and track her progress. I am a foster mom and I had a child that was in the system for 3 yrs and once mom found out they were relinquishing her rights she started to improve. Sadly, they don't always look at what is best for the kids. I personally believe that after the child is in the system for 6 months and the parents have done little, if anything towards improving, then they need to look into a permanent plan (adoption) for that child to avoid them from aging out. In 6 months you should have figured out and you should at least be able to see that they are trying. These kids need a permanent plan, not a foster home and a mom who can't make her visitations regularly.

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mia's mum
hi there, i dont know where your from but over here in australia parents get a million and one chances to get there children back. i had a friend who lost her 3 kids to foster care, over and over again. it started because she lost her home when she divorced her hubby, she sighned a voluntary 1 month placement order and to this day still hasnt got her kids back 100%. that was about 6 yrs ago. she got into drugs and god only knows what else. she kept getting chance after chance with her kids but she kept fu**ing it up. i gave her a place to stay, she had the kids for a week, she stole from me, got high, and lost the kids again. the foster parent picked the children up and blamed me and said i was enabling her. i thought i was really helping, i was soooo wrong. i asked her to leave and i havent seen her since that day. that was 3 yrs ago. she txts me every few months tho, telling me she needs money/a place to stay etc etc as she's lost her kids AGAIN. she gets it together for a while and then messes up big time, kids go back to the foster fam, and it goes around in circles like that. she's had hundreds of chances, and to be honest i think they need to be firmer, tell her she has to complete rehab and do a parenting course. they tell her to bring a blood test to check for drugs and she gets a friend to tdo the test for her and it comes back clean. its terribly sad. i think the kids need to be placed with the foster family in a 12 -24 mnth placement order till she gets it together. i think it should be that way for everyone. i believe all children should be with their parents if its possible, but there comes a point where you have to say enough is enough and think of the kids.

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I will be the lone dissenter here. I think that it must vary from state to state. I have heard about cases where CPS put so many roadblocks in the way to reunification that it was almost impossible for parents to meet their demands. CPS placed their children in foster homes far away from parents with transportation problems, made visiting during working hours, when they had to take time off work, jeopardizing their employment due to absences, making counseling and parenting classes also during working hours. If they are homeless, jobless or poor, this makes reuniting all but impossible. In order to meet their demands, a parent will lose their job and if they don't meet the demands they are being "Uncooperative", "Disinterested" or "Not
Willing to Complete". I have seen this happen.

Yes, I know that some parents are users, and some drink. However, I also know that the most common reason for losing a child to CPS today is poverty. If a portion of the money that is given to foster carers were given to the parents or other family members there wouldn't be the poverty and despair there. Often all they need is a hand up, something that is given to the Foster Carers. The cost to keep a child in Foster Care in this country is on average $40,000 a year. If half of that went to a family, they would no longer be in poverty.

I know that the people who do foster care are the salt of the earth, but there are some, and You all know it, that are nothing more than professional care givers. In other words, they do it for the $$$$$$

Many of the people I grew up with were raised by mothers who were on "Mother's Little Helpers" (tranquilizers) and they had a toddy ( or a ton of them) to get thru the day; the fathers played golf at the 19th hole, and visited happy hours after work. I don't think that a mother or a father who are poor, or underemployed, or even users trying to get off drugs or alcohol necessarily make awful parents. I also think that it is all together too easy to write people off as "other" (jobless, homeless, poor) when there there but for the grace....

I have heard adoptees say that they would rather be raised in a box with their mothers than in an adoptive home. I am sure that I will get ripped for this, but that is my opinion.

ETA:Gosh, JV, I hope I live long enough to have all the answers, too. Yes, I am anti-adoption, but I believe that my experience and my life have earned me the right to that opinion. I wish that "pro-adoption" people would be a little less quick to dismiss simply due to my stance. People who adopt or are fosterers are not necessarily walk on water types, by default, either. The last I heard, they are human beings, subject to change, rather like the rest of us mere mortals.

Quite frankly, I am not crazy about having my opinion dismissed so out of hand simply because you label me. I am going to assume from your post that you are a social worker or work with cps in some capacity. But, I haven't nor have I lumped you into a category and dismissed your perspective out of hand. I read it, and weighed it, and responded with my opinion. I would have hoped that you would extend me the same courtesy. When you categorize people as them/us, pro/anti, we/they or any of the labels used to differentiate people you are creating "otherness" and that is a dialogue killer if there ever was one. And, silly me, I had thought that is what this was all about...discussion.

Has it ever occurred to you that poverty may BE the core issue here and depression is a natural adjunct to that? If alcohol and drug abuse are addictions they are illnesses and not necessarily a choice. I think that black and white thinking, and again the fostering of "otherness" is not helpful.

I understand that most Americans are one paycheck away from homelessness and as the economy worsens, so will all other areas of dysfunction, disproportionately. However, as long as we can be superior in our minds that otherness will hold. WE would never abuse our children, WE would never lose control, WE would never lose our jobs/cars.homes. WE would never file bankruptcy, WE would never do any of those things...only those OTHERS would. That one paycheck can change your whole perspective, when it isn't there.

CPS is not perfect. They made a mistake in the link below, at least one, and the child is dead. There have been many of them. When you anoint an organization of human beings with the powers of Gods, to create and destroy families at will and allow them to determine who is and is not fit to be parents, you have given them extreme power and power can corrupt. I believe that only the Pope is infallible, and quite frankly I think he has a better PR person than CPS does.

Please read the blog at the link below. Marley Greiner does a fine job of spelling out at least one case of CPS screwing up, majorly. They are tired, they are overworked and they have way too much power. Look at the mess they created in Texas with the Mormon children.

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Mom to Foster Children
My son's parents (we are trying to adopt) had 5 years! Chance after chance after chance. He was even sent back home for 7 months and then pulled again! The 16 out of 22 months law didn't plan out in his case!

I think they should have 6 months to 1 year to show significant improvement and then go from there. In what is stated above - this was way too long!

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Some are given so many chances their children age out.....

I believe if they do not make significant progress within three to four months then steps need to be started to pursue termination....if it is hit and miss and a little slow going at first then stretch that time out but no more than 18 months.

In my state...it is 15 of the last 22 months in out of home care with little or no progress then steps can be taken toward TPR.

At a Federal level.... http://www.ncsl.org/programs/cyf/asfa.htm#lastpage

These kids need to have a chance and if mom and dad can't get it together then let's get them out of the system....it suks as we have all come to realize.

If they never correct the issue that led to the removal then they are suspect to abuse/neglect future children. Should they have chances with other children....I do not think so. <Edit>: That is my opinion and is subject to change given various circumstances....life cannot be generalized.

Also, I would like to add that poverty is often one of the problems that I have seen....but that is not the core issue. Not being able to pay the utility bills and purchase laundry detergent to wash your child's clothes is not that same as laying on your rearend, while the trash piles up, dog feces pile up, your child's teeth rot out of their head and their ears are so messed up from repeated ear infections and no treatment it is a wonder they will ever be able to hear......that is totally unexcusable.....and in those cases, it is not poverty alone. So, if that parent cannot get up and get with the program and parent their child or children then they do not need to parent. Let us not forget about the children who are taken out of their "first homes" weighing less at 6 weeks than they did at birth and 6 year olds who know more about sex than an average 20 year old does.....

Now I do not know where I was going with that rant....but is get's really tiresome when the anti-adoption folks try to generalize every single adoption as being a bad and corrupt event and that every child who was placed in foster care was placed there because someone wanted an child to adopt. I would love nothing more that for all the hurt, heartache and dysfunction in the world to go away and people, I would be out of a job and loving it!!....So hit your down thumb buttons....and maybe this will be my first deleted answer.

EDIT: Again...

To one of the posts below who directed to me specifically: I do not want to get in some discussion here which began as one thing and then went on to something else. I posted an answer, then several more were posted and then you posted.....I merely responded in some respect to your answer; it is clear you like to have the last word. You do not have to justify your response as I will stand on mine; mindless abuse of the littlest of our society cannot be excused by poverty.

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How many chances? I think it depends on the circumstances. Unemployment or emergencies should not be a reason for parents to lose their children (sadly this does happen). I readily admit that I dislike infant adoption, but I loath and despise substance abusing, slacker parents even more. Childhood is too short and too precious to waste on parents who can't or won't clean up for the sake of their children. In those cases, one chance. After that the children need to be with people who can demonstrate that they will love and cherish them forever. Hopefully, this will occur within the family, but if not, there are many wonderful, loving people who are in foster/adopt programs.

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Randy B
The bio mom of the last child we adopted had lost 6 previous infants to adoption through CAS due to her drug and alcohol problems and a complete lack of interest in parenting. When our daughter was born to her she abandoned her in the hospital and even though she was provided with weekly visits she showed up for less then half of them. In the 4 months from the time she was apprehended and the time the PGO was granted she saw our daughter less then 18 hours.

With all of that being said, she still had the right to challenge the apprehension and PGO, stating she did not consent to adoption and she wanted the right to parent her child. Even with her track record the system played out as if it was her first time.

I'd have to say, the system gives them every chance to get them back so that there are no future problems with appeals.


I have to agree with what Sly added as well. I'm sure that sort of thing happens and if the people it happened to didn't have so many other things to deal with they would be able to fight the system better and not let the workers get away with such crap.

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Looney Tunes
IN the state I grew up in, the law is if a child is in foster care 15 months of 22 months, then there can be a TPR hearing. So, if the bio-parents are not improving within 15 months, they can lose their rights.
I beleive that this is the law in most states.

BUT, if there is severe abuse or neglect or parents abandon or goto jail, then a TPR hearing can happen sooner.

But, since reunification is the GOAL now-----what I see in court, the truth is that parents are given all kinds of chances if they are working their case plans. Any movement forward counts.

The AVERAGE time that children spend in foster care is 16 months before they are returned to their bio-families!

16 months in a kids life in foster care is a LONG TIME.

It is sad because the kids are being punished for the bio-parents mistakes. 16 months of moving homes, living with other people, going to different schools, etc.

Note, also that this figure of 16 months does not show that many kids are returned to their bio-parents, only to return back to the foster system. There is alot of returning, particularly among parents that have substance abuse problems.

I don't know what the solution is. Older children are screwed either way. Their bio-parents have problems, but no-one will adopt them. So, if you TPR the bio-parents, the kids will bounce from foster home to foster home to foster home until they age-out in a mess.
If you return them home, they may have some connection to their bio-parents, but the connection may be negative and the cycle might continue.

It is a no-win situation until we figure out how to improve the foster care system.

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