Does it bother you when adoptive parents say this?

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toocoolringlady	They should stick to the truths. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Kane M	im not adopted but if you knew you were i think that personally would hurt bad. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

minx 21	I am not adopted but i have cousins who are and they feel completley different to you the one a girl (don't want to reveal her name for privacy reasons) loved the fact that when her neice was born (her adoptive sisters daughter) she had the same colour hair as her and no one else on our side of the family. also her and her real brother (my aunty adopted them together) asked to have their names changed when they was old enough so that they had family middle names. so as all children/People that are adopted are different perhaps your adoptive parents feel as if they are making you feel more welcome and more apart of their family, as i understand all you know about your natural mother has come from your adoptive parents, who obviously told you this as they felt you needed to know so they obviously want you to feel a connection with her so if it really annoys you talk to them about it, i'm sure they will understand. But before you do think about it no sure they can't say you look like them, but they are the people who brought you up so you are bound to carry some of there qualities after all this is what they have brought you up and taught you to be like. hope this helps Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

CK	People often say those things to our family also. We have two children by adoption. Really, they don't look like us but people always say they do. We are very honest with our children. We have met their birth parents and we have kept photo books of their birth families for them. Just the other night I was laying in bed with our 4 year old daughter tucking her in for the night and I told her "you are so beautiful, do you know who you look like". She said "who" and I said " you look so much like your birth mother "J". My daughter just smiled and nodded her head yes. The world will never see our families the way we do and they will never know the dynamics of our love. I embrace our differences. We are who we are. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

nalgirl	I personally love it when my parents tell me that. My grandmother tells me all the time how much I looked like my dad when I was born, and you know what I did. No one is saying we have the same genes, it's just something rare and special that you share. Funny how life works. You're born into a family and adopted by another and share similar features or traits. Adoption is really a miracle! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

melmac	My impression of your question is like this... they care enough to "try" & relate to you... but you "want" to be different. There is nothing wrong with either, but because they are opposites it will be annoying to you. They can't take away your special connection with your birth mother, but thats not to say you can't have a different, good connection to them. It's also possible you're taking it too literally being sensitive about your adoption. You may not "look" physically the same as them, but they could just be relating to your "look" of growing up in general with life experience. Mannerisms & such... I can relate to my boyfriend's teenage nieces & cousins as far as when they're being shy, nervous, anxious, excited, depressed, etc.. about life experiences we all go through. I may not "look" exactly the same, but my feelings were pretty similar. Plus, if you've lived with them most of your life, you were bound to pick up something from them. Environment does have factors in personality, not only genes. The parents who raise you do have a hand in helping you become who you are, just as any other person in your life.. siblings, extended family, friends, boyfriends, mentors, etc... You will have your own identity, you just have to stop fighting within yourself & let yourself grow to understand & accept. Hopefully you will reach your birth mother & have her in your life as well. You can never have too many people in your life to love you, even if it's different types of love. Take care & best wishes Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

MrsG-2B-6/19/10	actually that's not always true, sometimes adoptees (especially if they were adopted young) can have some of the same traits (psychically or personality) that their adoptive parents do/did, especially if they are of the same heritage (black, white, native etc) This happens with best friends sometimes too. Sometimes, when girls are at camp together they all start their periods around the same time because they often eat the same food, get the same amount of exercise etc. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

kaylei g	not really I don't think there always talking about the way you look as maybe the way you dress or hold yourself and talk. things that they instilled upon you when the raised you. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

AdoreHim	I am adopted and also have 2 adopted children- and I did not really look like either of my 2 adopted parents- however I am a musician just like my mom, so I would get "you got your talent from your mother"- you know how I answered that? "she taught me well"- it never bothered me. And actually to be perfectly honest with you- my daughter when she was 3 years old looked almost exactly like I did at 3. We would have our 2 pics together and if her pic was not in black and white they would never have told the difference. Our son looks similar to his dad as well- and as I said before we adopted them. They think it is cool. we believe that God picked those children for us. Sorry if this is something that offended you, however you asked how we feel, so I answered honestly. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Zoe <3	This really upsets me.I hate it and will go in a angry rage.I want my real parents back Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Adopted Jane	Yes Especially when people found out I was adopted, when I told them that is, And i would get "really but you look so much like your mum/dad/brother" etc PUKE yeah right Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

LJ	While I always appreciate the ways in which my daughters are different from me, and I know we don't share the same genes, things do come up that are the same - facial expressions, interests, turns of phrase. It is natural to mention them - it promotes bonding on both sides. After all, we ARE a family, it's nice to see what IS similar, even while appreciating what is different. My kids are a different race from me. I have no illusions of them looking "just like me" or anything like that. But my youngest is very musical, as I am, and loves to sing, as I do. My oldest takes a great interest in politics and has a nonsense attitude towards things, as I do. It's normal to see the similarities in someone you love. Don't people feel that way about their spouses as well??? They don't share the same genes either, after all. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Proud Adoptee	I have always welcomed it because the less in common I can have with my bio parents the better. My b-dad abused me and my b-mom allowed it to happen. I think my Mom (adoptive) said these things to make me feel better and to help me to feel like a part of her. I always say that the "jeans" my (adoptive) Mom & I share are the ones that can be thrown in the washer and they're the best kind! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

janine k	When I was younger I was always pleased when people told me that they thought I was like my adoptive mother in looks as she was a very beautiful person on the outside but as I got older it annoyed me when I was told this as,by then,I had come to the realisation that what others saw was only skin deep and we were completely unalike underneath and that I could and would not ever be as she was if anything the qualities I have were passed on to me by her mother by actions and words and if ever anyone told me that I was like a family member I would always tell them she was who I was like Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Abigail P	That bothers me to no end. I am blonde blue, short, oval face, pointy chin. My adoptive parents are brunette green, tall, round faces, chubby chins. It gets SO annoying!! I am not their biological child; if they would accept that it would be a lot easier for all of us. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Possum	When I was young - sometimes I didn't mind it - as I just wanted to fit in. Now - it drives me nuts - especially since I've met some of my bio sibs - and we are SO alike. Prior to that - I had no idea what it meant to REALLY look like and act like someone else. Those that are not adopted - can never understand what it feels like to not ever meet another that you are genetically related to. When they (non-adopted peeps) live with it on a daily basis - they take it completely for granted. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Mom to Foster Children	I have never heard an ap say this, I do tell my son that he sleeps just like me because when he gets up in the morning, the covers are all pulled up from under the mattress and he is all balled up in the middle of them...he laughs every time I tell him this...he thinks it's funny! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

sam22254	Yea it bothers me. This couple who has my grandson and the birth mother tried that saying my son's child looks like the couple's real child because my grandson was blond hair and blue eyes. Get real he looks like his natural father and mother. If god had made the child to look like them and be just like them he would have gave them to them the natural way. This is there sick way of pretending that the child was always theirs. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

eb	it does get a little annoying. i think they are just trying to be polite, but it back fires on them when i say "uhh im adopted" then they are just sorta like ... "umm... right!! when u two look a like anways!!" Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

abbacat	I was adopted so I understand and agree with you. I think your adoptive parents probably say things like that because they are looking for as many ways as possible to identify with you more and make you feel a part of them. As long as they love you and are good to you is the most important thing.....although your individuality should also be respected and embraced. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Mommyof2	I don't get annoyed by it. Everyone used to say I looked just like my brothers and my kids look just like their kids. I think it's kind of nice that we all look alike even though our genes aren't the same. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Randy B	I have two adopted children (of the three that I have) and while I am Caucasian my one daughter is East Indian and the other is Native American Indian. I don't dwell on any physical similarities because on the surface there are none however there are mannerisms and some of their physical traits that do look like my wife or I when we were their ages. Lets face it, when people spend lots of time together (man/wife, best friends, parents/children) it is only natural for them to recognise similarites and to be acting the same. I'd take it as a compliment since they obviously don't mean any harm. I know in my case I don't even think of my daughters as adopted unless someone else mentions it or asks. They are 100% "my daughters", as much as if they were physically born to me. I'm sure your parents think the same. Revel in it and be proud. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

5littlemonkeys	It sometimes bothers me when people say it to us. I don't feal its important for them to resemble us. We have adopted our three youngest children I hear all the time that they look just like me. My mother often tells my daughter "You look just like Nana, you have my blue eyes". I prefer to correct her each time and say No she has *****'s beautiful blue eyes. I love that my family loves our children just as if they were born to us but in no way do I want my kids to loose the healthy connections they have with their first family. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Theresa	I look nothing like my husband nor my stepkids who lived with us. If people made any comment that any of us looked alike, that would be creepy. I used to hate it when anyone in my adoptive family said I looked like them. I didn't, and I knew it. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Erin L	As an adoptive parent, it annoys me when people say that my Asian daughter looks like me (I'm White.) It feels like they are doing to reassure me of my parenthood, which I don't need. And she doesn't need to hear stupid comments like that. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Alyson B	You may not have the same genes, but the child takes on some of the parents traits as they spend time together. I have seen this in other relationships as well, like partners begin to act like each other, and people who look like their pets. ect ect. Plus alot of children look alike and do similar things. It sounds like you may have some resentment. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

anastasia beaverhausen-the real1	i'm sicilian, my aparents are german and scottish. it was never an issue because i looked nothing like them. at all. what i always heard was people telling me i looked nothing like anyone in my family. THAT hurt. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Santa's Lil' Helper	My adoptive daughter and I are related. The woman on this side of the family share many physical features and similar personalities. People often mistake the cousins for sisters. So to me this doesn't seem unusual. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Susan B	When my sister was 20, I mentioned to her our adoptions. The first thing she said was...."No way, we all look alike." The next thing was "Thank God I am not related to all of those people genetically." Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

bad kitty	Since my child is a different race than i am i would just look damn stupid saying this. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Elizabeth	Denial. And it's part of the "pretend" game. Let's pretend that adoption is just like and/or just as good as having a child the normal way. Puke. And you are entitled to any and all resentments about being adopted. I assume you did not give your consent? Neither did I. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No