Does it bother anyone when bio moms refer to themselves as mother's?

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loves christmas lights	You sound spot on in this situation. It is all a person has left, is the title, and depending on the circumstances, it might simply be their last attempt to make themselves feel ok, and accepted for what they did. I guess you know that it must not be a big tragic sad story why you were given up. Dont feel bad, your Mom is probably thrilled that you kept her on top when the bio mom showed up. She sounds like an awesome Mom! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Katherine B	I would never call my BIO mom, "mom". Yeah you had a baby congrats? yes some people cant do this,but all women for the most part, are born with the same parts to make a baby. My adoptive mom earned the tittle of my mother. She was there during my whole up-bringing and she did a fantastic job. Even if you are raised in a family with your birth mother you still don't have to call her mom. She could be a horrible person, that's just life you didn't get to pick the women who gave birth to you. so yeah it does bother me when bio moms refer to themselves as mothers. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

naughty girl	I put my twin girls up for adoption when I was 17. I'm 24 now, and see them regularly. I have a son who is 14 months. i would never ask them,(outside of my son) to call me mommy. I'm not their mother. i didn't raise them and i'm not their mommy. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Flying Monkey #073177	I'm not bothered in the least by mothers calling themselves mothers. Regardless of who raises him, I am, and always will be, his mother. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Independ"ant"	Not me and why should it...if they gave birth they are mothers (good,bad,ugly or non parenting). Call her whatever makes you feel comfortable and don't let anyone force you to play a role but do keep in mind, it won't change who she is...your mother. I know it gets confusing the way definitions change today to suit political agendas or special interest groups but I like to keep it real. What I don't get is why adoptive parents insist on being labeled mom or dad when in "reality" they are just parenting another persons child. This doesn't make them less worthy or valuable but whats with mucking up the definition of mother. Is it their ego or self interest?. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Not Adopted	Hmm, there wasn't any special skill involved? You must not have ever given birth. Pregancy and childbirth is no walk in the park and can actually be life threatening. I'm sorry you have no respect for your bio-mom. Without her, you would not exist, period. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

romeochewy	Believe me, placing a child for adoption IS a special skill. Carrying a child for 9 months then placing them in the arms of another mother who she knows will raise that child much better than she could is a very special skill, and not everyone could do it. And i'm not talking about monetarily better--the adoptive family was definitely not rich, and I could have made it work financially. I knew I didn't have the capabilities to raise that child right. But in addressing the actual question--it depends on the child. My child's adoptive parents are her mom and dad. I'm a "birth" mom. I believe your birth mom demanding you call her mom is selfish. I am on the verge of a reunion with my child, and I intend on leaving it up to her what to call me. If she chooses to call me mom, I would like it, but I would never force her to do so. But at the same time I will always understand the difference between myself and the woman who raised her--who is her "real" mom Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

kateiskate	I agree with you that my adoptive mom earned the title "Mom" by raising me for 18 years and putting out all of the blood, sweat, and tears that the job requires, but I also do feel like my biological mom carried me for nine months, gave birth to me and also could have decided to abort me, but decided to carry me to term because she thought I was worth it. I wouldn't call her my mom if I met her, but I would treat her with the respect she deserves. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

imboredtoomuch	but she had to go through labor and things both sides sacrificed things for you but that's sad that she didn't stick around, I'm sorry! just try to be open minded and give her a little needed credit Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Obias	While the "fluke of sperm and egg" description of your biological mother may have been accurate in your situation, that was definitely not the situation with many of us. So kind of a harsh statement to read. Yes, I have had my birth mother casually call herself my mother, or introduce me, "This is my daughter". When I call to see how she is, one of my young siblings may answer the phone and say "Do you want to talk to mom?" because they don't fully understand yet. It is extremely awkward and does at times make me want to politely say something. But because I know she means no harm, I let her. Especially as I know she wouldn't do this in front of my mother who raised me. However, the fact that your biological mother "demands you call her mom", if that is truly the case, is unacceptable and not at all respectful to your feelings as it both offends you and your a-family. If she honestly is clueless to this issue, I'm afraid there's not much you can do but try and break it down for her to understand the effect it has on you. But truthfully, exactly how experienced is your bio mother? I'm not saying I don't believe you but that seems like a slightly childish demand considering she sees no problem with it. Have you known her throughout your life? Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Amanda J	I gave up my twin girls at 10 months old....they are 8 now I still see them all the time and I tell them my kids and I are their friends...even when I tell them the truth one day I will not expect them to call me mom but I would be over joyed if they did....and your bio mother has earned it to be called mom she had you,did not abort you and chose someone special that she knew could love and raise you right...if you are uncomfortable with calling her mom tell her and if she refuses to listen tell her you will break off communication until she can respect your wishes. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

bartendingsalsa_queen	I know exactly what you mean. I have a similar situation with my bio father. However, I really don't want the father or dad associated with him. To me, he is just a sperm donor. He didn't want anything to do with me before so why now? He had the nerve to tell me that maybe it's to late to be a dad to me, but maybe he can be a father to me. My dad is my dad I love him and he loves me. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

wolf mama	In the case of open or by choice adoption- I think that Bio Moms can be some of the greatest people. They are giving the greatest gift they can. They are giving their child a home they, for whatever reason, a family. Really, what else is greater than a family? Especially if it was an open adoption and she chose your parents. I cannot imagine the heartache of having a child for 9 months and then having the courage to make that difficult decision. Please consider that when making your decision. Tell her your aren't able to at this point, but not ruling it out in the future? Is there a mediator that can help you guys work this out? It would be nice to keep the communication lines open. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

LORI	She is your mother, it does not bother me if she calls herself a mother. She gave birth to you. There is a difference between being a mother and making the child you placed for adoption call you 'mom'. One is fine and obvious, one is kinda weird/inappropriate if you aren't into the idea. Don't confuse the two. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

busybaker	I am a bio mom and I earned it. I spent over 40 hours in labor having my children, spent over 20 years raising them, and I have the experience to prove it. I spent many nights caring for upset tummies, colds, sore throats and then the reactions to their vaccinations. I took them to the doctor and dentist. I helped them with their homework. I drove them to plays, school functions, scouting and sports. Yes, I did the dirty work and my hands are dirty. I am proud to be called Mom. I earned it. And I don't mean to show disrespect to adoptive mothers they've done the same. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

grapesgum	No. "Bio" moms are mothers. A piece of paper cannot negate that. However, I strongly feel that it is your choice as to how you address her and she should not demand that you call her "mom". Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

yeah	well didnt you answer your own question??? (did you even have one) Biological mothers are just that mothers are the ones that raised us (you, me, other people, so on so forth) Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Therasa R	well it could go both ways, like the quote "any man can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a dad" its just incidental, you know, so i agree with you 100%, cause it can go the same way with mom, and woman can be a mother, but she might never be a mommy, or mom! they should earn it!! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Carol c	Giving birth is not just incidental. Have you done so? It certainly doesn't sound that way. And obviously she didn't stop caring about you or loving you, so she did more than just give birth. Your bio mom is one of your mothers. If you don't feel comfortable calling her mom - then come up with some other respectful title or nickname for her. I believe that unless we were abused, we owe it to the person who gave us life to be respectful. What could it possibly hurt to show kindness to this woman by honoring her role? Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

monkeykitty83	Biological mothers who relinquished ARE mothers. They carried to term and gave birth. So no, it doesn't bother me when they refer to themselves that way. It's just accurate. (Also... um... not all biological mothers relinquish. I was raised by my biological parents-- they're still my biological parents.) You aren't forced to call your biological mother "Mom," and you shouldn't be forced to. You can't be forced to have a relationship with her. But you also have no right to dictate another person's self-perception and self-labeling. Biological mothers aren't the ONLY mothers. Adoptive mothers are mothers too. But I think both have claim to that title. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

kitta	Pregnancy is a big deal. She did earn the 'right' to be called mother. She is a mother. She was there, having morning sickness, carrying you in her body, going through backaches, heartburn, possible serious complications. Some mothers still die in childbirth. It happens. She labored to bring you into the world. You are here. Your life, your body, is proof that she is a mother. You seem very angry about the fact that she went away.If she just left you, and didn't care at all, I can understand why you are angry. But if she had no other choice, then she was probably forced to surrender you and that hurt her. Or maybe she really thought she was doing the right thing. Giving birth is not just 'incidental.' It is someone's life. In this case, it is your life. It sounds like she is respectful of both of you by honoring her role in bringing you that life. You can call your amom "mom" and your bio-mom by another title that means the same thing. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

sunny	You have obviously never been pregnant and given birth. I'll take nine months of bottle feeding and changing diapers over the making of a child and delivering him to the planet, thanks. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

tkquestion	You have a lot of emotions involved in this type of argument. While your biological mother has created you, I agree that your adoptive mother nurtured you and raised you into who you are. Without your biological mother; however, you would have never existed. Look at it this way. You, the child, can decide whom you want to consider your mother. Your biological mother can make all the demands she wants, but that's just that... you still make the final decision. I don't know the circumstances under where your biological mother gave you away for adoption, and I am not sure you do either. The only thing I ask you is that unless you know exactly how and why it was done, hold your judgment to yourself, please. There are, many times, a lot of things going on than you realize. Yes, I do understand why you have a problem with calling your biological mother - a mother. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Anha S	My amom always called my first mom my mother. She didn't want to diminish her role in bringing me into the world, and I have to say, thats one of the things I truly respect about her in my adoption. My first mom may not have raised me, but she is just that, my first mom. She carried me and birthed me. My amom was mom, and my first mom was my mother. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

sweetjane	No. My child's mom didn't raise him. But she gave him his eyes, his heart, his frustration, his weird middle toes. I can't look at him and not think of his mother and this wonderful little being she helped to create and carried into this world. I am the one who will care for him and raise him, but she is the one who gave him life. I couldn't have created something as beautiful and wonderful as he is....not with all the eggs and sperm in the world. I don't care what she calls herself, I will always tell my child that she is his first mommy. His foster mom will always be his second mommy....as she raised and loved him like her own until we came along. I don't think you should be forced to call your mother mom.....I will leave it up to my child as to what he will call his first mother. As for me, however, I am not selfish. I think 3 mommies are a pretty great deal for a kid.....more women who think he is as wonderful as I do and who want what is best for him. <<Foster to adopt mommy; 3rd mommy Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Amanda	I was watching "An Adoption Story" the other day, where a young girl who wasn't ready to be a parent relinquished her daughter. This young girl, I think, said it best. She said "I will ALWAYS be her mother, but they are her parents". As a PAP, it absolutely doesn't bother me. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Sofiakat	I actually refer to my kids mom as their mom. I also refer to myself as their mom. I also refer to their long term fostermom as mom. They are aware they have three moms. If they need clarification, I say "mum-and then the name of the mum." I don't think I am any more of a mother than the woman who gave birth to them and raised them for the first few years. I am a different mother, nothing more and nothing less. And besides, deep down inside, I know it is my job to keep these kids safe and happy and healthy until the time comes when they can have all their mums in their lives on a daily basis. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Mei-Ling	That would be your personal opinion. If you don't want to call her "mom"... then no one is saying you have to. It's what you feel and what you want to call her depending on your own personal experience. I, personally, call my original mother "my mother" or "Mama" or "Taiwan Mom." It is not up to anyone else to dictate what I should decide to call the woman who gave birth to me - that is my decision and my decision alone. My adoptive mom is just "Mom" and my mother is "my mother." End of story. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Randy B	It certainly doesn't bother me at all. Any definition of the word that I have found fits in this context. I think the sole purpose for your question is to be antagonistic and mean spirited. Personally, I'm not going to give you the satisfaction of a reaction. I'm sure enough others will do that for all of us. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

PhilM	It doesn't bother me. I have two moms. But it would have bothered me if she demanded it from me. Still, a mother is a female parent. Nine months carrying you to term is no small feat. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

IDK!!	Many "Bio moms" are mothers outside of the child they gae for adoption. If not, they are still mothers. I earned the title "mom" with my son, his other mother didn't have to, it is her God given title. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No