Do you think this right? Is it a valid reason for adoption?

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Tracey Seth	They want a girl and there's probably one available somewhere. I don't see the harm in it. When was the last time you adopted a child, any child, in need of a good home? When you have, then perhaps you can voice an opinion. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Groovy	How does wanting to adopt one more child and giving it a home, even if they have kids treat this child as a toy? Instead of them trying and trying until they have a girl and increasing our population...why not give a child a home that needs one. Man, you have some adoption issues, Dude. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

yummymummy	i understand where your coming from however this couple wanted the experience of raising a girl this was 'their' reason for adopting. angelina jolie and brad pitt wanted to adopt from specific countries rather than adopt from america because they wanted to have a multi cultural family,some couples Only want a baby others only want a teenager. it takes love to raise a child but it can take more love to raise a child which is not your own and in my opinion that's a very courageous thing to do. i don't think its shallow at all. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Christine M	While its not the greatest reason to adopt a child, they are still saving one child from living in foster care and giving her a good home so its not really a bad thing♥ Yes, I agree that it is shallow to choose a certain kid, but at least that is one less that will be in foster care all their life♥ Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Zeena	I don't anything wrong with it unless that is the sole reason for wanting a girl. People say that they shouldn't be able to choose race or gender when adopting...what about disability huh? Should people not have an option to count that out as well? Some people do prefer opposite genders.Hell, even parents use gender charts with their biological children! And what is so wrong for not wanting a black kid? or a white kid for that matter? I wouldn't adopt a kid outside our race because I want our family to blend as much as possible.Doesn't make me shallow or racist. I am adopting my niece and even though I have two boys, I would have been fine with another one but it's good that she is a female because I do not desire to bring anymore children into this world while there are ones already here. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Gabby_Gabby_Purrsalot	I don't know that it's wrong. We have a beautiful little boy who we're in the process of adopting and another child we're being considered for is also a boy. If we were to adopt a third, I'd want a little girl. I don't think that makes us bad/unworthy of adopting. We'd be just trying to round off our family. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

nutterorsaintuchoose	no its a good reason as they cud have anouther 10 kids and not get a girl .. and why is it a bad reason ... Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Claire	Why do you think that adopting a girl because they want a girl is putting her down to the level of "toy"? Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

EVANS HERE YAY!!! WHAT A BIG GUY	Yes it does seem like a a horrible thing to see that yes you can adopt white over black, boy over girl. But I think that any reason you want to adopt is a good one. For what ever reason they are gonna adopt a girl instead of trying themselves If I could not have my own child I would want a boy first then a girl. *** BUT agency's do look at things close. For example. a guy I knew who had 3 kids wanted to adopt or foster a child. when they came to meet him he wanted a girl from the age 13 up. He said its so his son who would be about the same age can hang out so she is not left out. They for some reason No adoption when through (the person did kept pushing a boy but the man insisted on a girl.) It turned out a good thing cause she might have been sexually abused by him. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Champagne suspended a 5th time.	Whatever the reason an unwanted child now has a loving family who wanted her. as long as the child is looked after and given love then what is the problem with personal reasons? Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Les	I appreciate that some people think it's wrong to have a preference of gender...I certainly don't agree with these stories you hear about women having abortions because their child is the wrong sex etc. However the fact remains that it's very common for would-be parents to quietly hope for one particular sex...that doesn't make them bad parents and doesn't mean that they will love the child any less if it's not the gender they hoped for. In the case of this woman you know, whether or not she could conceive naturally or not is totally irrelevant. There are women out there who can conceive naturally, but choose to adopt because they want to give a loving home to a child who doesn't have one. They don't care whether or not the child is their own flesh and blood...they want to give him/her their love anyway - and exactly the same can be said of this couple you know. They have a loving home to provide to a little girl who needs one...and she'll get three new brothers into the bargain. Forget the 'shallow' thoughts and think of the far greater good they are doing by providing this girl with a home and family. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

smm	i don't think there's ever really a "valid" reason (and i'm not anti adoption, hear me out). i think it's just as valid as saying "i'm adopting cause i can't have kids, i'm adopting cause i don't want to be pregnant again, but i want a child, etc". the only "valid" reasons to adopt would be i guess "i met this poor child, and he/she doesn't have a home and i would love to open up my heart, etc". but come on, how many people really adopt because they met a specific child who needs help? Or just go to an adoption agency and say "give me what you got?" normally people adopt the same way they decide to have children. the desire is "selfish". they have particular reasons that have very little to do with the actual child. but isn't that the way of the world? if a child gets into a good home, then it's fine i'd say. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Nathan	I don't actually see a problem with it right off. There's logic in saying that you give those who want to adopt as many options as possible if you think that adoptions need to increase. I might be able to be convinced otherwise, but I currently don't even condemn what they do at adoptuskids.org with all the info and even pictures. I understand some worry about "shopping" mentality, but though I can't speak for everyone, I think it would be impossible to not come to grips with the seriousness of what you were doing. I'm reminded of hearing from first-time biological mothers who are bringing their new babies home and are like, "Oh my, this baby is dependent on me all the time! I am responsible for this baby for the foreseeable future, 24 hours a day!" I had considered this issue before, but my determination was that unless you're going to be able to somehow know which child will benefit most from being adopted, there's no harm in picking and choosing since as far as you can tell, the child you picked needs a home just as much as the one you would have gotten if you hadn't stated any preference. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Mommy to 11 month old Jacob	Yes it is a valid reason. It doesn't matter if they want a girl or not...they are adopting an otherwise unwanted child and giving her a good, loving home. I agree a child is a child but if they already have 3 boys shouldn't they be able to have a preference for a girl if that is what they want? Adoption agencies are pretty accommodating and it's not shallow at all that they want a girl. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

R	Yes you can do that even from state care. You get a list of things you will and won't accept. Race, age, sex, disablitly, and the list goes on and on . People do this all the time. They have girls so they adopt a boy not to try and have another boy or vise versa. They want a child and will love the child but they want certain things. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

juju	No I agree that this is not a valid reason to adopt, and I am unsure as to how the system works. But also sometimes parents who have had 1 sex of child may want a different sex the next baby, I have 3 children 2 girls and 1 boy, and I did always want a boy whom I got, and they are completely different than girls, the way they act, the things they like etc... I am just very lucky to have the chance of having children of both genders but I would have been happy with 1 gender as I love all my children whether boy or girl etc... Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

phan	I don't think so. Many women want a daughter. If they had a son and put him up for adoption soley because he was male, then yeah, there'd be a problem. My parents were both infertile. They met my brother's natural mother and decided to adopt her baby, and then later on they'd adopt the other gender, so they'd have a boy and a girl. My brother was born, and so 3 yrs later they adopted me, a girl. Clearly the agency let them, my parents were happy, I was happy and my brother was happy. It wasn't because they couldn't love a son, it was because they wanted a boy and a girl. Nothing wrong with that. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

ELLE T	I don't think adopting to just gain a daughter is a valid reason to adopt. Howevever, If the couple were thinking of adopting anyway, then you are normally asked if you have a preference with regard to the gender of the child and that is OK. We were asked if we would like to adopt boys or girls and I must admit, after three birth sons I thought it would be nice to adopt a little girl. However, I really wasn't that bothered at the end of the day so we put 'either' on our form. We will get what we get and we will be overjoyed either way. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

lisab28uk	mmmm could be me! We have been approved to adopt a girl under 5. We have 3 boys and specified from the start that we wanted a girl - the reasons for this are not simple but can be summed up: Our youngest is now 13 and is the only one left at home. We felt strongly that we didn't want to take away the father son bond that he and his dad have built. The boys are not my birth children but have been with me for a long time and have nearly always lived with their dad or with their dad and I. Another boy coming in to the family would upset the balance too much. Our Social worker and the adoption panel thought this too and would only approve us for a girl as it was thought to be in everyones best interest. Most social workers will bare in mind a couples requests but will examine in great depth their reasons. We spent weeks discussing who would fit with us as a family. The 'black' question is just not valid! It is far from shallow and in the best interests of a child to want to place them with couples who are culturally similar. I would not dream of presuming that I understand what it means to have a different skin colour and I am not sure that I would know how to give a child access to their cultural background. Since current adoption practices state that children must be allowed to grow to be proud of their heritage I would feel like I was letting a child down by not being of a similar background. I hope that our desire for a girl is not seen as shallow - If I had been able to have a birth child I would not have cared if it were male or female but my husband had a vasectomy before I came along. If we matched with a boy we would be happy too but we feel that a boy would have too much competition in out male led household. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

reneaumommy	I have mixed feeling about being able to choose an adoptive childs sex. I however do feel like the adoptive parents should have preferences in who they adopt. They are going to have to care for this child for the rest of their lives. They should have some say in what would fit their family best. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Nurse Autumn Intactivist NFP	OH WOW!!!! SOMEONE HAS A BRAIN!!!!! Its about effin time! I am so glad that you can understand this, it is SOOO refreshing to hear!!!! I hope that you will be a positive influence on your friends Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Mother of Many	It sounds like picking out a puppy, It souns kind of shallow, there's no store where people drop off their "left-over" kids. I would love to think that people meet a child who is in need of a family, and that child just steals their heart, boy or girl, black, white, brown or yellow. But unfortunatley sometimes thats not how it works. Some adoptive parents know what they 'can' deal with, some CAN deal with physical abused kids, some CAN deal with sexual abused kids, some CAN deal with learning disabled kids, and some CAN'T. Some of those adoptive parents 'Wont' deal with those problems, and thats selfish. Those are just the facts. The children in the foster care/adoptive system didnt ask to be there, so its nice when there is a loving nurturing family that can take care of them as part of their own family. A child is a child. Boy or Girl. Black, White, Brown or Yellow. Children need love, and we need to show them love. Children need family, and we need to give them family. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Problem Child	As an adoptee that was adopted for exactly this reason...my answer is NO...this is not a valid for adopting. Everything you said is exactly how I always felt...and still do. If I had been a male child..my parents would not have wanted me, and would not have adopted me...that is the brutal truth. And, YES, is IS shallow and selfish, and made me feel EXACTLY like a toy...and that their love was conditional. And honestly...that is what I was...a TOY, a POSSESSION to have, a DOLL to dress up and parade around.... and I hated and still do hate and resent it. ETA: Hmmmm...thumbs down for my own experience...glad to see this place hasn't changed. Sorry, I guess the truth hurts. Obviously I must have touched a nerve in some, which makes me so happy...so hard to hear it from the adoptee perspective, isnt it? So sorry to not perpetuate your fantasies that we are all soooooo grateful just to have been 'rescued'..whatever the reason. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Dreamweaver ILF posse 2009	Sounds a bit too much like picking out a puppy....what happens when you get bored with it? Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

myst1998	I agree with you. It is not a valid reason. Children are human beings and should not be adopted to fulfil a lust/desire the adopters have. This is why many people hate adoption as it is used to appease people's desires to have what they cannot have for whatever reason. It is a materialistic world we live in. Sadly, materialism doesn't stop at things but includes animals and humans - also known as human trafficking. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Kassy	It does happen, and agencies do allow it. It seems to me that it's kind of oversimplifying things, and putting some pressure on the adopted child. Children are all so very different from each other, just getting a girl isn't going to guarantee she'll like to do the girly things a parent may have envisioned. If I had done my adoptions that way, I'd sure be stuck. My son is fond of pink frilly things. My daughter prefers green and orange and can throw a football like nobody's business. I will never have a daughter that wants to go for pedicures with me. She's only worn dresses voluntarily maybe three times since she's been with us. But I have a son who likes show tunes and drinking herbal tea with me. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Jennifer L	Personally, I disagree with the gender selection bit in adoption. The only reason I'm partially willing to understand racial selection is because transracial adoption has its own challenges and not every family is able to meet those. If your entire family are card-carrying members of the KKK, adopting an African American child might not be a good idea. Man (if not most) infant adoptions in the US involve pre-birth matching. So the PAPs generally don't back out because the baby came out with a different set of plumbing. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Cool Hal	I think you are spot on as is Botz - and no offence from here. It is strange that some (not all) of the people who dont have an issue with this dont have any experience with the adoption process and obviously know nothing about it I AM NOT SOMETHING THAT YOU ORDER BY MAIL. You admit that you dont know a lot but have come accross very constructively, respectful and sensitive. (so have a star) I am adopted and think that I would have huge issues with the thought process of your acquaintances. There are several issues that haven't been covered here that your friends need to consider. 1 - In the UK (and I am not sure of where you are from) there is a general shortage of babies - and there "greed" could deprive a childless couple of the opportunity that they have 3 times. 2 - We are humans not commodities I didn't come off the production line and am not perfect (close but not quite), do they think they can place an order? "A baby girl please, blond hair, blue eyes of medium build parents oh and if possible can one parent be a doctor and the other a Nobel prize winner - thank you" 3 - Can they separate their feelings from the birth children to the adoptive child - the easy answer maybe of course but the practical side of it will be very different (my youngest brother was a birth child, and whilst my parents didn't make an issue I always had the feeling that one of them favoured him than the adopted children - It may of course have been in my head, but it was there) 4 - What if this child disappoints them in anyway how are they going to manage that. Overall I would like to think that this would not happen. Edit July/sylviahogan - I AM NOT A COMMIDITY (OR A TOY)THAT YOU CAN MAIL ORDER - that is what is what is wrong with that. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Not Adopted	No, wanting a girl is not a valid reason for adoption and it should be illegal. By stating they want a girl only, they are proving that the adoption is all about meeting their own needs. They want a product that fits their lifestyle, in this case that product is a baby girl. Isn't that a little sick? Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

BOTZ	{In my opinion it's the same as saying to an agency "I don't want a black child". "I don't want a boy" is just as shallow, is it not? A child is a child.} I sometimes have a problem with prospective adoptive parents who say they only want a child of their own (or a certain) race, not always. I ALWAYS have a huge problem with PAPs who say "We only want a girl." So, for me, it's not only 'just as shallow' it's actually more shallow. I have an equally difficult time with parents who 'squeeze out' many, many children -- just to get one of the 'right' gender. My older sister is one of these. She has six children -- five boys, followed by "their princess". UGH! After the first two, you can bet her other 3 boys...all conceived and carried in the 'hope' of a girl, feel less wanted (possibly unwanted) as a result. I'd direct you to her blog, so you could see how many entries/pictures are about/of "princess girl" as opposed to all the boys combined, but alas, it's private... I'll give you a hint...it's WELL over 80% -- just for their ONE PRECIOUS child (out of SIX). Back to the adoption thing...you hit the nail on the head! The love parents have for a child, if they will only accept a 'specified' child, is absolutely CONDITIONAL. (Just-so's-ya-know...I grew up adopted in a house full of really, really conditional love...so I know all about it from the INSIDE.) Parenting is about both the parents and the child. Adoption is SUPPOSED to be ONLY about the child -- about securing a loving and appropriate home for a child/ren WHO NEED(S) ONE. Parents' wishes should NOT factor in. I know some will disagree -- whatever. Adoption was never MEANT to be about creating 'designer' families. As to why I'm sometimes okay with parents choosing to adopt only children of their own race -- there are sometimes circumstances wherein people accurately and honestly assess that they, themselves, are not equipped to parent children of a different race in a way that gives the child every possible advantage. Same goes for opting out of adoption for children with certain medical conditions or physical/mental disabilities. Speaking for myself (and the adoption part of this is purely hypothetical), I have a disability that makes it difficult, painful, and sometimes impossible for me to bend over (reach down to the floor, say) and also to pick up/lift things that are more than 5-6 lbs. (I can do this if I'm sitting in a chair -- like take a child in my lap, or hold a pet, for example). So, if I were to consider adopting, I would only apply to adopt children who were mobile on their own (no infants/babies or children with physical disabilities who need to be lifted/assisted). So, I would only adopt an older child/children who could walk or get around independently (walkers or wheelchairs would be fine if the child could get in and out mostly on their own...I could push, standing upright). The question of being able to appropriately raise a child of a different race -- with questions of culture, sometimes language, even food, holidays, events...and even heritage -- I think it's similar. I don't have enough of my own background (double meaning there!) to have thought it through as much. What I'm talking about is a parent's or couple's assessment of THEMSELVES relative to what they can PROVIDE in an adoption, rather than choosing anything about the adoption based on an assessment of the CHILD'S characteristics and what they (the PAPs) would "like" or "prefer". I hope this makes sense. ETA: Thanks, Cool Hal, and cheers to you! I love your avatar pic. :-) Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

monkeykitty83	It's something I'm very, very uncomfortable with, because it seems to show a "shopping" mentality in adoption, rather than an understanding that the point of adoption is to find homes for children who need them. If they aren't able to love and accept any child that God/nature/whatever they believe in blesses them with, I would worry about their ability to accept the child they adopted, either. I don't think adoption should be seen as a way to ensure the parents' own wants; I think it should be about the needs of a child. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No