Do you find it offensive when adoption is compared to rape and murder?

Show all answers

Post your answer

mom to be	Yes! cantstop, you said---- What about babies who are sold to "agencies" in foreign countries who were conceived through RAPE, or stolen from their mothers who were MURDERED? It happens. All the time. Babies make criminals money. Get off your bible, Sarah Palin. Where are you getting this from? Not all children are stolen from a dead mother because she was raped. You are way off base here. Where does this happen all the time? Dont worry about the money people spend on adopting, most of it does not go to the baby stealers, do your research, most of the money for an IA stays right here in the USA for legal fees, travel fees, and the cost of the paperwork. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Indian-vision	No Ollieo i am neither outraged or offended. If any one makes that comparison i disregard his/her complete statement and think even less of him/her. Stop paying attention to people who talk like retards IMO !! ETA-For those who have asked me or taunted me . I don't like to talk about my own sexual assault in the hands of my senior colleague. I was one step less than raped. I could not even report it for various reasons . I had to continue working alongside him. So yes i can understand rape. If a birthmother or adoptee has experienced both and wants to draw comparison. Yes, i would like to understand how they can be compared. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

BOTZ	Not at all. My identity was "murdered". The life I SHOULD have had -- with my own mother -- was "raped". I was (NOT metaphorically) abused in my adoptive home. It WAS a horrific violent event; one that happened on a near-daily basis for a while. My adoption (the adoption OF me) did not save me from anything. It did not save me period -- it ruined me. Those who have never seen the comparisons have obviously not been reading in this forum for more that 5 minutes. Cheers! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

monkeykitty83	It depends how the comparison is made. I don't personally get offended when it's in terms of, "Adoption can be a traumatic experience, and like the experience of these other things, you can't expect someone to 'just get over it'." It's a harsh comparison, deliberately so, but it makes a point. If it's "All adoptive parents are evil murdering rapists for 'stealing' babies" (even if those "babies" were removed from the homes of actual rapists prior to adoption) I wouldn't really say I get offended, but I do tune out as it's just so off base, so I don't really pay attention to anything the person says. That doesn't apply, of course, if the person is talking about literal rape and murder, which is perfectly valid-- but making ALL adoption figurative rape and murder regardless of the circumstances is pretty absurd. In some situations removal from the biological home IS necessary for the safety and well-being of the children, and while there probably still will be some trauma involved, placing the child in a safe home is not a violent and deliberately damaging act like rape. So yeah, it depends on the circumstances. Is it just an acknowledgment that adoption involves pain that can't be easily resolved, or is a it a broad criticism without basis in the reality that some children unfortunately aren't safe with their parents? That makes a difference for me. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Kazi	I have heard these comparisons you mention before along with slavery and genocide, and while many times I think it is pure melodrama by people who chose to define their lives by what they don't have rather than embrace what they do or making any active strides to actually make a difference to the practices they claim to abhor, I am also quick to remember that one of my ultimate pet peeves is comparing people's pain. Nobody wins pain games. It's rape vs. adoption. infertility vs. adoption. death of a child vs. adoption. It's a moot endeavor that only serves to isolate. We have opportunities to show compassion and I think we should take it, whether or not we agree with their comparison. Humans for some reason need a point of reference to validate their pain. It's almost as if we don't think our pain is in itself valid enough so we need a shock tactic to make someone feel sympathy for us or to even acknowledge that we have a right to feel this pain in the first place. We shouldn't need these comparisons. If someone says that adoption hurt them, then I believe them. I don't think they need any caveats. ETA: ((Sigh)). Sly, if it doesn't apply to you, then it's not about you. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Bouvier	I have not heard this comparison before, however, I don't see the parallel at all in most scenarios. The only common factor I can imagine, would be the feeling of someone altering your life without your consent. I am not hinting at all that they are the same however. I think that each story is unique, and that the negative stories are highlighted in the media, as with all stories. How often do we see the "happy" stories on the news???? Not often unfortunately, and this not only has to do with adoption, it's all about ratings and drama. Believe it or not, there are far more successful, happy adoption scenarios in the world than not. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Daisey Duck	I am an adoptee I am a child abuse survivor I am a rape survivor. I can honestly say adoption was far les traumatic than either of the other two. I find it very offensive to compare either one to adoption. With abuse there were many things I had to overcome, and if it weren't for my adoptive parents I probably never would have. The rape left lasting scars and a big problem with trust. The adoption left me with a few questions that were answered with complete honesty, therefore there were no great ramifications. To compare a violent act with an act of love is just not acceptable to me Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Vanessa P	That is just crazy! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Camira B	I don't find it offensive at all. In fact, there's a reason that besides therapists/psychologists, etc specializing in first parent loss, rape counselors/therapists/etc have the most understanding of a first mother's feelings. I think there are similarities between them. Guilt, a feeling of helplessness, a feeling of violation (especially in those first parents who did not willingly give up their child for adoption). I think you're taking it out of context for shock value, IMHO. The only things I've ever read were things like, "Would you tell a rape victim to get over it", which is simply pointing out that other people who are going through or have went through traumatic experiences are allowed to express their feelings with opposition/ridicule/ etc; and other similar comments used to make a point about pain, loss of acknowledgment, and whatnot Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Independ"ant"	No...not at all...especially in countries where it happens specifically to fill the demand by foreigners begging for babies and willing to pay big bucks for them. http://www.libertadlatina.org/ Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

kateiskate	I find it offensive when happy people refuse to admit the loss of others. I find a lack of empathy offensive. I dont personally find it offensive when adoption is compared to rape or murder. I wouldn't personally make that connection, but I don't believe someone was technically comparing the two...I think the connection was really more to do with the acknowledgement of loss and pain. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Opedial	Everything is contextual. I think if they are making the link to their life and how they feel about it then the comparison is valid. Do I think that is an apt description of adoption...well no, but I think your questions do NOT bring out the best in everyone....you are a bit of a provocateur? Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Carol c	You're about the rudest troll I've ever seen. I join the others in their outrage about your constant need to minimize our experience. You ask questions trying to provoke conflict. I don't feel anger - just pity for you and people in your world. How pathetic your little life must be that this is what you do for fun. You're not kidding anyone Ollie- you're not a happy adoptee. You're not even a happy human being. Get some professional help. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Mei-Ling	I do not think we should be comparing them, period. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Temperance	When I was walking home from school (I was 6) some scary man came up to me. He told me to be quiet. He told me he had a gun. He took me into an alley and well, I guess you can figure out what happened. I was 6 and I think that was one of the most vivid memories in my life. I can never run away from it. It haunts me and consumes my life, but I have other things that are worse. I do not find it offensive as it is an analogy, but sometimes yes, it hurts, but not everyday. -Tempe Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Jackie B	I think you can only make the comparison if you have experienced them. I'm adopted. I was sexually assaulted. I lost 2 family members to random murders. My adoption is nowhere near the pain of sexual assault or family members lost. There is no objective way to define adoption. The CIRCUMSTANCES of why a child needs to be adopted can be BECAUSE of rape and/or murder. I think it is irresponsible to say that the adoption, itself, is comparable to rape and murder. To anyone who has NOT actually experienced rape or other sexual assault or loss of a loved one through murder who makes this type of comparison -- you are dismissing those who have lived it. And to those who have experienced it, you, in your individual situation could make the comparison. And you might very well be justified, but it does not apply to every adoption. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Anha S	I have been both raped and adopted, and I have to say that both have left me with a legacy of pain. Different kinds of pain, but it remains the same that in both instances something happened to me that was violent, life alteringly awful, and it was done without my consent. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Elizabeth	Adoption is the violent separation of mother and child. It should be illegal. Adoption did NOT save my life, it nearly killed me. Moreover, adoption did kill the life I was born to live. I am outraged that people promote such an inhumane practice. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

grapesgum	Adoption is a horrific event for many natural parents and adoptees. I heard one natural mother compare it to being buried alive for 40 years. I doubt that she describe adoption as a "lifesaver". Now that is a comparison IS offensive. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

SJM	No. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Sly	Your outrage? How dare you! I have been raped and I have lost a child to adoption and I can and will speak of them and the comparison is valid. I was violated, my son stolen, I never signed papers, and they took him despite that. The father came to the hospital to save us, and instead they had him arrested at the door for trespassing, before they drugged me, took my son and ran! Who the He** are you to determine the depth of my or any other mother's experience? Who died and left you in charge, Oh, Ollie the Other People's Experience Police! Maybe you need to get off the internet, get out and actually experience some things for yourself, rather than sitting at a safe little computer screen and judging other people's. What a small little person you seem to be! Does anyone join me in my outrage about these constant presumptions on your part??? Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

sunny	OH YES! Oh, so offended! This is what you chose to be offended by? What a cakewalk of a life you must have had. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

The Baron	Put... The... Pipe... Down... Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Flying Monkey #073177	One man's truth is another man's folly. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Rowan	Yes i do. I have experienced that particular experience(i cant even type the word). It is a horrific thing to live through, and ever time i read that, i have to leave the question. It brings back memories i am not ready to deal with, almost three years later. Other then that, i cant speak for anyone else. ETA: i'm going to probably get a few people mad, whose opinions i value, but rape and molestation are nowhere near adoption. It hurts to come on here and see some of the attitudes. I live with adoption and the scars of my sexual assault everyday, and i'll say this, the scars from the one are vastly different. Rape is a violation of your very being, and your soul, and a belittlement of who you are, adoption or not. Adoption, while a sometimes painful thing, is not as painful as rape. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

myst1998	I find YOU offensive with your obvious dismissal of the experiences of others. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Felicita1	Have you had your child forcably taken away from you while you were strapped down to a flat narrow delivery table, having been cut open w/o anesthesia, then hospital staff prevent you from seeing or holding your baby, then you're told you can either sign papers or your child will suffer all sorts of consequences unless you do? Your only crime is being 17 yrs old and unwed. You are not unfit nor proven so. That is adoption. And being forced/coerced to surrender your baby by various means by various parties is the experience of the majority of natural mothers, not the minority (see link). Then, have you also been raped? I experienced both. I was first disembabied at the birth of my son by the hospital which was in cahoots with baby brokers, and then a year later I was raped in college. I can compare the two, and sorry but unless you have experienced both, you cannot. They were equally as traumatic, violent, and violating. I agree with Joss Shawyer when she says: "Adoption is a violent act, a political act of aggression towards a woman who has supposedly offended the sexual mores by committing the unforgivable act of not suppressing her sexuality, and therefore not keeping it for trading purposes through traditional marriage. The crime is a grave one, for she threatens the very fabric of our society. The penalty is severe. She is stripped of her child by a variety of subtle and not so subtle manoeuvres and then brutally abandoned." - Joss Shawyer, Death by Adoption, page 1, Cicada Press (1979) My child's life was NOT "saved" by adoption. He was adopted by abusers and was suicidal by the time I found him due to adoption (he felt he had been abandoned and unwanted). He still states he would rather have been aborted than adopted. And is adoption a "life-saver" for the 60% or more of natural mothers who seriously consider suicide as the only way to end the pain and trauma? (If you consider these potential suicides to be "worth it", then maybe adoption is supposed to abort the mother, if you can throw her away like that). Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

cantstopLinnyG	What about babies who are sold to "agencies" in foreign countries who were conceived through RAPE, or stolen from their mothers who were MURDERED? It happens. All the time. Babies make criminals money. Get off your bible, Sarah Palin. Does anyone join me in my outrage about these constant ridiculous posts? Don't answer her. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

kitta	I can understand it because I lived it. Your lack of understanding shows just how far from the reality of what happens to women you are. Women have been violated. Our children have been violated. Do you think that women choose to be harmed. There are many men in so-called "first world countries" who are predators. They have college educations. It means nothing.They have been allowed to do whatever they want. Children are treated as objects to be sold, by agencies and attorneys. Anyone can buy them. Just because practices are legal, supposedly legal, doesn't mean it isn't violent. Many crimes that exist today, were legal actions, 40 years ago. You are living in a dream world. ETA: those who do not learn from the past may just live to regret that. They may find themselves living in a world that practices some of the same evils that enjoyed common acceptance in the not-so-distant past. I agree with mama Kate, having a child stolen is worse than rape, and i have survived both. My child was taken from me several times. Once was right after he was born, when the nurses removed him and wouldn't bring him back.Each time, I fought back and won, but I finally lost when the agency threatened to have my rights terminated. This was illegal, but they didn't care. My child was adopted into an abusive alcoholic home where he was repeatedly subjected to ongoing battering. His adopters didn't pay their bills and never stayed in one place. His adopter 'mom" had a trucker "clientele" to whom she sold herself. Crime is crime. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

MamaKate	Not at all. I have used the comparison myself. I think it depends ENTIRELY from what perspective you are speaking. I am a rape survivor. I am a first mother. Being a first mother for me is WORSE than having been raped. Unless you have lived both - I don't think you have any right to judge how it feels. I find it offensive that you can't wrap your mind around anyone else's perspective and yet you think you are so high and mighty that you can judge how things feel for other people. I certainly hope that if you ever find yourself in pain or in need of support that people treat you with more respect and compassion than you seem have for anyone else. Maybe you will learn something about being a human being. ETA: I'd really love to know how many of the jerks who gave me thumbs down have been either sexually assaulted or lost a child. Thank you for showing what judgmental, callous, inhumane and self-righteous (insert derogatory swear word here)s you are. I am a stronger person than you could ever dream of being and I feel sorry for you. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Proud	Yes. Its absurd and beyond my comprehension (I've read/heard the comparison as well). I guess everyone is entitled to their own opinion though. My only thought is, how can anyone truly make that comparison. Unless they are an adoptee that has been raped or the adoptee of a murdered parent.... how do they truly know what each has felt like? I know a rape victim that would punch someone in the face if they said, "I'm adopted and I feel your pain" I'm sure every rape victim and every person that lost a loved one to murder would much rather have to go through the adoption process than what they went through. Sure, adoptions can be difficult for some people, but comparing it to rape and murder..... that's just sick. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No