Do you believe that adoptive parents are glamorized and idealized?

Show all answers

Post your answer

LaraSue	Oh please, I realize your question is in response to Ollie's question on birth mothers, you know better. Of course adoptive parents are human, imperfect and flawed. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

geli	yes, of course Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

amy lou	Hey phil! My adoptive parents are wonder full people, they are wonder full to me. They may not be wonder full to everyone, and some might have negative things to say about adoptive parents, but I disagree in the negativity. I do think that Adoptive parents are people just like you and me. They have flaws, and yes they are imperfect. That's life and life isn't perfect with perfect people. I don't think adoptive parents should be seen as a "lifeline" for the adoptee either. When i chose to have my child, i was not being her "lifeline", i was becoming her mother. I personally think it is the same with the adoptive parents. People like madonna and angelina, seem to get this whole "hero" brand on them, and I think it is wrong. Giving a child a loving home is all that matters. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Bri	I look up to those people, so yes, I believe so. Those people are the ones who saved a homeless baby and gave it a new home. They took care of it, made it one of their family, and loved it. I hope someday I could adopt a child too, so I look up to those parents who were kind enough to accept another child. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Rhinoserious	Normal adoptive parents get their joy with the opportunity that that child is and worry about what they could do to enhance the child's potential. I don't see any glamor in that. It's a job all parents do until the child is about eighteen. That's the trick even if they are actors. Here's an unlikely news item that may make it to some magazine; Madonna's adoptive child's poo is not the same texture as Angelina's child. No offense to the children or the actors. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Rowan	HA! to some people, adoptive parents are baby snatchers. They are human, just like everyone else. There are some bad ones, and some good ones. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Scott M	They are Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

theshyfreak	i would say glamorized. i know adopted parent from experiance and they were the rudest, and crulest to those kids. i hated those people. they are not all as good as we wpuld like to think. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

sunny	Canonized. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

myst1998	LOLOLOLOLOLOL... LOVE it Phil and yes, I do... you only have to see some of the answers regarding "should I place my child" or "should I adopt" and they are seen as saviours of the universe almost. Thanks. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

anastasia beaverhausen-the real1	yes. someone was just preaching to me about how great my parents were to "save" me. people have no idea. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Minnimouse	A big, fat, giant, mega, huge, massive, monstrous, ground shaking YES!! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

MamaKate	Personally, I think they are human - just like the rest of us. I think it is sometimes "glamorized" by certain types of people from the following categories: Agencies and facilitators who profit from PAPs. (Notice the latest foster care adoption PSAs mention that "You don't have to be perfect to be a good parent.") PAPs and APs with issues such as savior complex, narcissism, self-esteem issues, etc. Adoptees who may or may not have been "saved" by adoption but believe they were. First Parents who believe that they are "less than" their child's APs for whatever reason. * On more occasions than not, the media presents an "idealized" view of APs, although this is not always the case. (Just check out a few Disney movies!) * The general public who have had no personal experience with adoption, who have only been presented with the "rainbow, pool & pony" stories and have never really had more than a passing thought about what adoption really is. (In other words, those who are ignorant about adoption.) I do think I see a slight change in the general perception of adoption just in the last 10 years. While there has been a "trendiness" assigned to adoption as of late, there has also been a "backlash" of sorts (because of people like the Brangelina and Madonna) and the sheer number of people in the US who are effected by adoption. The latest numbers I've seen claim that around 60% of Americans have some direct tie to an adoptive situation so I think it is more of a reality for people then it was, say 20 or 40 years ago. When people are living with it, the complexities are a bit more apparent to the general public because more people are talking about it as it has become such a common ("normal") occurrence. I think it definitely depends on who you talk to too! ;) PS Congrats on being so in touch with your inner child! It is a healthy thing to do every now and then. I hope you didn't miss any of the good toons being on here! LOL! :D Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

icehockeymom7	I'm an adoptive mom and there is nothing I hate more than someone telling me "Oh what a wonderful thing you have done" or "isn't she just a lucky little girl" That crap makes me want to vomit. I cannot STAND people trying to make adoptive parents into some kind of heroes "saving poor orphan children" Yuck. We are parents, we love our kids. Period. And to say we are wonderful for loving our kids is to insinuate that our kids are not worth loving. That is bull and I absolutely cannot stand it. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Serenity71	I find people can be very ignorant, and love to say these things in front of our kids like "You're so wonderful to take in these kids...its a good thing you did." Then they turn their eyes on my eldest daughter and say things like "Isn't your mum a good mum..." In a tone that sounds so fake to me. I walk away now before it gets to that, I don't want some aquantace planting things in her head that aren't what we believe. Most of the time people want to know about the birth mother! Thye will say loudly what a self sacrificing lady she must be. I think she'd laugh to hear that, it wasn't easy to make the choice, but at least she knows herself well enough to know how much she can cope with. And they try to pry for details. (gossip mongerlers! My kids aren't subject to their need for gossip.) A lot of Australians don't understand adoption very well...they think its done like it is on the US, because of gossip magazines. And just think its the same as fostering. Most of the time kids are fostered. Adoption these days is in the minority. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Independ"ant"	Yep. When they return children.....its always the childs fault somehow. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Temperance	"adoptive parents are saints..." Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

monkeykitty83	As I said in the other question too, yes. In reality some adoptive parents are great, and some are horrible. We're all just human, and no one belongs on a pedestal. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

gypsywinter	Yes... Just recently at my work place, one of my co-workers and his wife adopted a 2 yr old girl. 'Mom' and 'Dad' brought their 'new addition' to work one day...to parade her around the company, showing her off like a newly bought prized possession. The 'mom' was carrying her and actually was carrying the little girl like a sack of potatoes. Nobody actually ooooed and ahhhhhed over the little girl, rather I saw looks of questioning on some of my co-workers faces, as they ogled this child. What I did hear was the massive sound directly to the new 'mom' and 'dad', how Great and Special they were to have adopted this child born of a mother who didn't want her. What 'special' people they were for taking on another's 'responsibility'. After they left our office..one of my co-worker's again would say...'It really takes some really special people to adopt''. Idealized...most definitely YES! BTW it would be my male co-worker, the adoptive dad, who I believe noticed how his wife was carrying the little girl and carried her himself. He did not carry her like a 'sack of potatoes' and he seemed genuinely caring. I cannot say that about the new adoptive mother..she had this look on her face of 'inconvenience'. They also brought their own older bio son. And some of my co-workers remarked about the 'resemblance' between the bio-son and the adopted little girl! HUH? All I could do was shake my head...and I felt immense sadness for the little girl. I wondered then is this the way my child was treated..was she paraded as an infant, was she compared to the bio-daughter of her aparents? Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Helena B	hellz2dayeah. they saved us street urchins. riiiight. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

kitta	The strangest example of this glamorization/contradiction was when a woman I knew as a surrendering mother adopted a girl from foster care. This mother had surrendered a son when she was 17 years old. She had been forced by her parents. Later on, after she graduated from college and married, she had another son. Then she and her husband became foster parents to a school age child. Five years later, DHS terminated the natural parents' rights and told my friend that she could adopt the little girl or the child would have to go to another family. My friend adopted the little girl. So, then my friend was subjected to the situation of being told she was a 'saint' for adopting and a "trashy" bmom. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Mei-Ling	Not necessarily. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Opedial	I don't think we are glamorized, but I do think people think of us as: (and I quote from people who found out I adopted) Saints Saviours Courageous Wonderful Doing God's Will So on and So forth (of course I may think I am wonderful, but that is not for having adopted!!!) What I find is that they idealize adoption and thus adoptive parents as doing "good" in the world and taking on an incredible burden. Not only is this not true, but it then puts a label on our children as something to be burdened by. So I think the idealization comes from media, but also from misinformation about adoption, especially adoption from foster care. And I kid you not, it is each and every day where someone applaud's our decision to adopt as the brave souls we are. So yes is my answer to your question. I think I come here part in parcel not only to learn, but also to give my head a shake if these words ever start to ingrain in my brain. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

*jace*	everyone has flaws and my friend's adoptive parents suck. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

SJM	Yep. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Laurel J	Heck yeah they're glamorized! A'parents are selfless ***-kicking orphan-rescuing superheroes! No matter how many of them kill their adoptees, or take children to whom they were never entitled, the media facade never cracks. People who adopt are wonderful wonderful wonderful. Because raising someone else's kid as your own is alllll give. They get nothing in return. Not love, not a family, not nothin'--or so one might be led to believe if the media represented one's only exposure to adoption. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Not Adopted	Yes, they are usually portrayed as perfect people seeking to "build" their family or "rescue" an orphan. I think it's interesting that every media story about adoption focuses almost exclusively on the adoptive parents. They show the baby coming into the perfect house making the perfect couple's life complete. When I watch these stories I'm always wondering where the baby came from. Did it drop out of the sky? Who is the mother? Who is the father? Who are the grandparents? Who else in the world is related to this baby? Guess none of that matters once the baby has fulfilled its role of making the APs life complete. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

BOTZ	I spent most of my life listening to my abusers (adoptive parents) being lauded, praised, adored, admired, etc... because they had adopted. I was often told how wonderful they are and expected to agree instantly and eagerly. I was often told how lucky (or blessed, or fortunate, or "favored from on high") I was because I had the a-parents I did. So, with that history, I'd have to say: Yes. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

I Love A Child With Autism!!!	Yep, I am an adoptive parent and I hear that same bull crap all the time. I am told constantly how wonderful it is to take in an orphan (not my words but how it has been put to me time and time again). I am praised in all different directions, which I quickly try to squelch with the fact that they have brought more joy to our lives than we can ever repay to them. Then I get the funny looks...like why don't I expect them to be thankful for the rest of their days, why am I thankful for them? Then it usually goes back and forth for a while until I turn blue from holding my breath waiting for a realistic thought to enter into their heads. On the flip side, I am very much human and I have made my fair share of mistakes in my own life, and how dare I say it, but in parenting too! There I said it, I have made mistakes with someone else's children...and I am sure in their lifetime I will indeed make more. This however is when everything changes and I become the devil for not being able to live up to the personification of the perfect parent. Then I am just no god damned good. You can"t win no matter who you are or where you fit into the adoption spectrum. I myself try to not judge othesr or myself too harshly and realize that we are all human and make mistakes now and then. I hope others can overlook my flaws as I overlook theirs. I idolize no one nor do I condemn them. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Flying Monkey #073177	For the most part yes. They are seen as saviours who are doing us some huge favour. Just look at how often we are told to be glad we weren't aborted! Our natural mothers are women who wanted to murder us but our adopters come swooping in to save us. With our nmoms we are told we would have been subjected to living in a crack shack while we were beaten and forced to scavenge for food while our amom provided us with the stability, love and nurturing our nmom couldn't. All of that is hogwash! My nmom successfully raised my sister who is only 18 months younger than I am, I was not destined for a life of squalor. My amom was a great mother and person but that doesn't mean my nmom wasn't as well. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

cruzgirlz3	Yes on them too. Adoptive parents are thanked for rescuing all of us poor, poor adoptees. On this site you are almost forced to glamorize them because people assume you must have gotten a bad batch if you are a searching adoptee. It gets tiring to keep repeating that searching is not about dissatisfaction with adoptive parents. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No