Birth mother is trying to turn over adoption what should we do?

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Crucio	Well I do feel for you , the expecting mother has a right to change her mind. Now in your case I think this woman needs some counseling. A child is not a toy that she can decided she wants one day but does not want the next. Its one thing to change her mind once the baby is born. Its another to take that child home and parent for over a month then decided she does not want to parent and give the child to the lady who was planning on adopting the baby and then a few weeks later decided that yes she wants to parent again. That imo shows that she does not truly know what she wants. What happens if 2months from now she decides she does not want to parent? As far as her getting the baby back if you have a reclaim period it could very well be possible depending on how long that is. Some states they can be as short as 48 hours , others they can be a few months. There are some that don’t even have a reclaim period once the paper is signed it can not be revoked. All you can do is truly seek the advice of an attorney. There are plenty of children that need homes so if your mom has to give this baby back. There is not shortage of children in need of a parent and loving home. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Glam Mommy	The adoption isn't complete until the father signs his rights away too. Was this done legally? Do you have a lawyer? Your mother needs to get one right away. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

mom of many	isn't the agency you are adopting thru of any help? every adoption needs a home study done so there is always agencies involved. Parental rights can only be terminated in a court and both bio parents would be involved. No adoption can take place till both parents rights are terminated. sounds to me like she just gave your Mom the baby with no court approval and if this is the fact, your Mom has no rights. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

JoHn S.	So many red flags.... 1) Your mom knew for 9 months that she was going to adopt this baby, prior to birth? Most women don't even know they are pregnant that soon, let alone have a definite adoption plan set. 2) YOU now have a child? At the most, you would be a sibling. 3) Comparing the loss of a grandparent, to the loss of a child is showing your lack of understanding of the entire adoption process. If you don't understand that, then maybe you shouldn't judge the mother. 4) Not having a job, college degree, boyfriend or private home does not make a person unstable to parent. Not only is that judgmental, but it's wrong. You mentioned that you and your mom now have this child. No dad in the picture? Does that mean YOUR mom is unstable to parent? Or, just that your dad doesn't matter? 5) 'It's' not your child legally, either. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

LuAnne L	I was orginally going to give my daughter up for adoption but THANK THE LORD I changed my mind and I had to deal with the couple who was planning on adopting my daughter making me feel like crud for wanting to raise MY child. I dont understand why some people just feel intitled to a child that isnt theres. it really hurts a lot of ppl. If this child grows up and find out that you and your mother pruposly ruined any chance she had of getting to know her mother she will resent the both of you and chances are she will be unable to forgive you. I dont mean to sound harsh but you and your mother are being selfish. The least ya'lls two could do is involve the mother in little Lilah's life. That way she can maintain a realtionship with HER daughter. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

cricketlady	If she wasn't represented by counsel your 'goose' is cooked.I think that Mom has the law on her side. Next time do it the right way. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

grapesgum	It's not your family's baby so give back to her mother already. If your mother keeps the baby, how is she going to explain to her when she is older that her family wanted her back but she "kept" her for her needs? Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

bizzurke	why don't your mom have her own kids? Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Shannon T	Give the woman her baby back. You getting over your grandpa has Nothing to do with your family stealing this baby from it's mother. Simple as that. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Gaia Raain III	Your grandpa died MONTHS ago, and you've already "moved on"? What is in your chest, rocks? You know, normal people keep their hearts there. Women who have lost their children don't just "move on". Do a little research about pregnancy and the bond between mother and child. You can't break that bond with your arrogance and entitlement. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Nurse Autumn Intactivist NFP	Adoption should only happen if the child NEEDS to be adopted, this child clearly is wanted by her mother, so she does not NEED to be adopted. I am sure that you will agree that families should stay intact if at all possible. The only right thing for you to do is to give the child back to her mother. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Mei-Ling	You really need to talk with the mother. Also, the child isn't a freaking possession. How long would the mother have to change her rights, legally speaking? Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Randy B	My first question to you was, was this done legally and with lawyers and courts? If not then you don't have a hope in heck of keeping the child. If it was done legally and through the courts then you may not be able to give the child back even if you wanted to since legally your mother would be the legal mother of the child. The whole thing sounds kinda fishy to me though although I admit that things are hard to explain online. The ONLY WAY this will be resolved is for you guys to speak with your lawyer and find out where you stand legally. Like it or not, if the legal part has not been completed, then the mother is well within her rights (both legally and morally) to take her child back. If the legal part was completed then, legally, she can't take the child back because it is legally no longer hers. You will never know where you stand until you speak with a lawyer. I suspect however that you may not be happy with what he/she (the lawyer) has to say. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Not Adopted	It's her flesh and blood, give the baby back to her real mother. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Laurel J	In the first place, you have no right to be "angry" about her changing her mind. How can you really know you don't want the baby you're carrying until you give birth? You can't, and that's why you can't legally relinquish a child that has not yet been born. In the second place, it isn't possible to answer your question because I can't tell by it whether the adoption is legal and complete, although I certainly have my doubts. One day when you're older, you may well get pregnant. Then, if you have a heart at all, you'll wonder how you could have been so vicious and unfeeling. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Philippa	I'm sorry your grandfather has died but you can't compare surrendering a child to death. Also it's not nice to refer to her as birth mother (mom) plus I'm a bit confused as you say she has signed away her rights but the father hasn't. As you haven't got a clue what this mother is going through I think you're being harsh. Do you know what it is like having your hormones all over the place after giving birth? This is on top of everything else she is going through. Personal opinion baby should go back to mother. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Anha S	Give the child back to her mother. Your additional details sound, well, callous, and thats putting it nicely. If this mother is within the time limit to recind her decision, and the father hasn't signed over his rights at all, one would hope that your mother would do the right thing, give the child back. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

lost2day	This child will always be looking for his/her bio parent later in life, as the mother is part of them.You shouldn`t have to fight for a child, ( they`re not a possession). Can you imagine finding out later in life that your adoptive parents ripped you away from your bio parent? A human being is not a possession..And you don`t have the right to say, " she`s made her decision, so I deserve her baby".. Well, I`ve made a decision, I want the Queen`s baby...IS THAT OKAY?? Edit: Adoption is ALWAYS in the best interest of the child.When you consider adoption, you have to take into consideration, the child`s emotional well being. Forcing a bio parent to give up their child, is almost asking them to abandon or carry with their lives without their child. It`s very upsetting to the child later on.Your mother should be encouraging this women to keep her baby. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

BLW_KAM	If the father hasn't signed away his parental rights and Lilah is already two months old, there's a chance he won't. He has every right to make arrangements to have Lilah removed from your home. What state do you live in? Every state has different laws regarding how long a parent has to revoke their consent. It's very possible the mom has the legal right to reclaim her child. Look up your state in this document: http://www.childwelfare.gov/systemwide/laws_policies/statutes/partiesall.pdf Your mother needs to consult with the social workers, attorneys or agencies involved with this placement. It sounds like a seriously sticky situation. As an adoptive mom I understand how heartbreaking this must be, but on the other hand I wonder if I could have slept at night if our daughter's mother called me and pleaded for her child back. Don't her words echo in your head? Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

xlinzx88x	Lilah belongs with her mother. When my son was 6 weeks, I would sit on the couch at 4am crying because of post partum depression. Every woman gets ppd at some point after having her child, it sounds like Lilah's mother was suffering from this too. If you two truly love Lilah, you need to let her be with her mother. If your mother keeps her, expect for her to resent you guys when she finds her mom and learns that your mother refused to return her to her natural mother. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

grand lake bum	give the damn baby back, your mother needs a baby like she needs a hole in the head. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Heather B	You should do the right thing and return the baby to her mother. She is not obligated to make a final decision about adoption before the baby was born and the adoptive parents would have had this explained to them from the outset. The baby is still legally and in every other way the natural mother and fathers' until the parental rights of both are terminated and the adoption finalized in court Im sorry this is distressing for you Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

♣Lash Cat♥	This question upsets me. You talking about this child as if she is a car or some other type of possesion! This is a human you are talking about please keep that in mind. Legally she can change her mind if it is with in the time line that each state has where the mother can get her child back. You are not thinking of the childs feelings or of the mothers feelings, you are only thinking of your self and that is not right. If you love Lilah so much then you need to put her first, when you have a child your job is to consider the child first. Make choices that are in his or her best intrests. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

sunny	Good Lord! This is not a puppy to entertain you and your mother. Give the woman her child back! She did make a mistake, so what? How can you expect her to move on? This is her flesh and blood. I hope you and your mother do FEEL like "dirt". Why not redeem yourselves and do the right thing. This really is a no-brainer. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Marie C	You didn't mention the involvement of Social Services or an attorney in this situation. The legalities vary from state to state, so the baby's mother may still have legal right to change her mind about the adoption. Even if she does not (and I am saying this as an adoptive parent), the mother has a moral right to raise the child to whom she gave birth. Your mother should give the baby back to her. EDIT: The baby's mother may have been suffering from postpartum depression when she signed over her rights. If she decides to go to court to regain custody, I'm sure her attorney would bring this to the attention of the judge. No one can make such a life-altering decision with a clear mind if they are suffering from postpartum depression. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

magic pointe shoes	Give the baby back to her mother. Move on. That is the risk you take with trying to coerce a mother out of her baby with pre-birth matching. Edit to add: It doesn't matter. It was two weeks of you all having the baby in your home. Two weeks is enough time to really get an understanding of the gravity of relinquishment and how wrong of a choice it was. Give the child back. Her child didn't die, there isn't moving on. Edit to add further: You really need to stop speaking unkindly about that child's mother. Regardless of whether the child stays with your family or goes back, that woman will always be her mother. Whether she has an education or not, whether she lives in a fine home or a trailer or even on the street, it does not matter. That baby came from her and there is no legal document that can ever erase that truth. I hope that you never ever have to hit that low point in your life that instead of someone reaching out to help you, someone instead exploits your situation and takes something from you that forever changes you for the worse. It's obvious that you have very little respect for women that have to relinquish their children for adoption and that is very unfortunate for that baby girl. She comes from that loss and to hear those that love her speak so unkindly is an awful burden for her to bear. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

kateiskate	What do you mean she has no rights? She's the child's MOTHER. There's usually a certain amount of time before adoptions can be finalized and it doesn't sound like it is since the child is only two months old. Can you imagine making such a difficult and lasting decision while pregnant when your hormones are driving you crazy and everyone is trying to influence you to give up your baby? How would YOU stand up to the pressure if people were telling you that you weren't good enough for your daughter and that she belongs better with others? Give this woman a break and give her back her kid. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

DevonChaos	This child and the child's first mother belong together. There are ways that the first mother can get the child back, but really... do you want to keep them apart? There are more children out there if your mother really feels like she wants to raise another baby. Children who actually don't have parents who want to be involved with them. She should check out the foster care program in your area. This child belongs with her mother. Not your mother. It is sad, but how will this child feel when she grows up and finds out that your mother wouldn't give her back? It is morally wrong to keep her at this point. The mother needs help, but she has the right to raise her own child. I hope she seeks legal action. ETA: I'm sure you loved your grandfather very much, but he didn't grow inside your womb for nearly a year. This mother has a bond with this child that you can't imagine. You will never know this bond unless you have your own child. Your mother may love this child, but she doesn't have that bond with this child. This little girl needs her mother. ETA: You have no say in whether or not she is fit. It is the court's job, and the job of whomever you went through for the adoption. Your opinion means nothing. You have no idea what adoption can do to a child, or you wouldn't be so opposed to her seeing her REAL mother. This baby deserves her. This is a horrid situation, but you are making it so much worse. This isn't your child. This isn't even your sibling at this point. I hope that things get straightened out so the poor dear can go back with her real family. The father can still change his mind. The father can take the child himself. This child IS HIS. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

tish_part deux	welcome to adoption. although i'm sorry your mom can not have the baby she wants, understand that all the "back and forth" is an indication that this baby is not adoptable. also, did anyone ever think that this woman was suffering from PPD when she called up your mom? instead of jumping on her, try offering her support and/or resources for help. hell, there were times after all of my children's births when i wanted to simple run away screaming. did that mean i didn't love them? no. was that an indications that someone should swoop in and adopt them. no. it meant i was dealing with hormonal fluctuations. it's normal, hence why adoption at birth is so inhumane. hell, dogs get to keep their babies for 8 weeks. ps. she's not a birthmother. ps. again. give her back her child, and suggest that she seek help for her PPD. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Flying Monkey #073177	It is time for your family to give this child back to her mother. Then move on, this baby isn't yours. No matter how you look at it the mother of this child is not going to go away, this is HER daughter, not your mother's. You had the HOPE of a baby, the DREAM of a baby and the PROMISE of a baby. Her mother actually HAS a baby and that baby is hers. This isn't a coat someone lent you that you like, it is a human being and trust me, that little girl wants her REAL mother as badly as her mother wants her. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

scorpiozen	i wouldnt give the baby back. It was an adoption. You have rights to keep the child when the birthmother agreed or volunteered her unborn baby to you. I would stick to my guns, change my home number and see a lawyer ASAP. I dont have sympathy for the birthmother, why should anyone? She's toyed with the baby since its birth, to keep it or not, i dont want this baby i dont love it?! Where is her mothering instinct? No good mother feels that about her new baby. Babys arnt something you can love oneday and the next just want to give it all away. To me she seems she dosent know what she wants, or how to be a good mother, she has no idea that caring for a child is a 27/7 job and obviously she just wants to be apart time mother. Fine put the child in fostercare, you can mother it only when you feel like it..be a part time mother. No court would agree to this. Not only that she has played with your moms feelings since before the baby is born, most adoptive families grow a bond with the birth mothers and get to know them. they look for ward to the child being born as if it were theirs. Does anyone realise what the adoptive parents go through?!! the emotions and hoping that the mother :will: hand the baby over, after months of drreaming about having their own baby to hold and kiss? Think about that everyone..you all seem to think that all adoptive parents have the greedy claws out to get your child. makes me angry. File a report that she is harrassing your family, cut her off completly and go back to the adoption agency or oragnisation you did the adoption through and sort this out. better still, tell your mother to not let her feelings go with little Lilah and realise that she might just have to go. goodluck Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No