Are mothers who give up a baby for adoption "abandoners"?

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fallenangel2002006	yes and no.. you do the deed you better be willing to take responsibility for that baby they never asked to be brought into this world like they were they are helpless and i think unless its rape you should take care of that baby!. if your not willing to then I guess you shouldnt have had sex! yes giving them up for adoption is better then abortion, however those people thought they were old enough to have sex.. well that makes them old enough to deal with a baby! i dont think its right! if its a money situation where it was a complete accident and you have NO family to help you fine, but you make your bed, you lye in it. simple as that Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

karcnr	No. "Contrary to what some may believe, unwed parents who place their children for adoption are not taking “the easy way out” or abandoning their responsibility. Instead, they are placing the needs of their children before their own feelings and desires—the essence of true parenthood. Such a decision is deserving of the highest commendation and respect." Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Not my fault either	yes but they just say it isnt their fault. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Mommy	I don't think that because a woman gives up her child for adoption is an abandoner. I think that it is a very unselfish thing to do. I believe that most women truly want their child to have a better life and be in a better situation then they would be staying with her. As far as family members go. How hard do you think it would be if say the grandmother took the child for the real mother to see that baby and not be a mother to it? Or if the mother didn't agree with how the child was being raised but couldn't say anything about it? I think that adoption is a great thing to do if you truly cannot support the child financially and emotionally or if you are emotionally unstable yourself. You hear about these mentally ill people keeping their children and then doing awful things to them - they should have given the child up for adoption to a family who truly wants a child to take care of and love. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

SmilèⁿLaugh ♥'s Shaheen ツ	No, because it might be best for the baby. It doesn't mean that the mother didn't love their child, but they loved it enough to give their child what they need. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Symphony	Absolutely not. They chose to preserve life, instead of terminating the pregancy. And, if they weren't ready to be a mother, they made the responsible decision by putting the child up for adoption. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Birthers are NOT mothers	Main Entry: 1aban·don Pronunciation: ə-ˈban-dən Function: transitive verb Etymology: Middle English abandounen, from Anglo-French abanduner, from (mettre) a bandun to hand over, put in someone's control Date: 14th century 1 a: to give up to the control or influence of another person or agent b: to give up with the intent of never again claiming a right or interest in <abandon property> 2: to withdraw from often in the face of danger or encroachment <abandon ship> 3: to withdraw protection, support, or help from <he abandoned his family> 4: to give (oneself) over unrestrainedly 5 a: to cease from maintaining, practicing, or using <abandoned their native language> b: to cease intending or attempting to perform <abandoned the escape> — aban·don·er noun — aban·don·ment -dən-mənt noun Ask yourself, according to the definition above...did I abandon my child. If the answer is yes, then you are an abandoner. If you don't like it, you shouldn't have done it! I am not going to blow smoke up your butt about what a wonder saviour you are, because I don't need your kids, nor do I need to prey on anyone else's. Again, you try to place blame on other family members, take responsibility...YOU grew the baby inside YOU, YOU were its source of nourishment and life, YOU made that decision to let him/her be given away, or as you so gingerly put it "Lost". Step up already! WOW MPS, you are the first mother I have heard that is not delusional about what they have done. I am impressed! No one here has to shame you, YOU have done that to yourself. I don't think people want to stop you from speaking, I kinda get a kick out of the twisted logic people like you possess. To those of you who are tired of sharing your story...do all of us a favor...shut up! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Working Mum	no they just know they cant give the child a life they deserve and it will give some loving couple the child they have always wanted i think its brave Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

I Love A Child With Autism!!!	No, we don't feel that our daughter's first moms were abandoners nor do we have any thought of the like about their families. I believe there are no sinners nor saints in adoption, just people doing the best they can with their own set of circumstances. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Via	in some cases its for the best that the mom put the baby up for adoption. For example if its a teen mother, who doesnt have the means of supporting a child, if they want the best life for their child, that could mean adoption. Often, I think, It means the mother loves the baby all he more, cause its not an easy thing to do to carry a baby for 9 months than give it to someone else. Aswell, just cause the people she gives the baby to arent its biological parents doesnt mean they cant love the baby just as much as if they were biological parents. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

*~Amber~*	No............It's putting the child's best interest ahead of your own desires, it's completely the most unselfish thing someone one could do and falls no where near abandonment. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Danielle	If they feel they cannot properly take care of this child then they are not abandoning their child. They are doing the responsible thing by giving this child a good life. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Iиteиse.	Gosh no, never ever ever think that. Most mothers that put their baby's up for adoption can't take care of them or their to young for an infant, never ever think that you abandoned your little baby. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

TB	No, I think that mothers who give up their babies for adoption and very kind and selfless. It takes a lot of guts and maturity to realize that you are not ready to care for a baby. I think that people who walk out on their families are abandoners. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Sofiakat	Why are we all being baited by this word "abandoner?" We know the truth of it. We know what this word is being used for here today at Yahoo Questions in the adoption section and it is not being used for the betterment of understanding how adoption effects people. No matter the definition given straight from a dictionary, it is being used as a loaded word to hurt people here. None of the first moms that frequent this board need to justify themselves to this word or the people using it. Nothing is as black and white as this word is and I certianly would never expect it to be used in reference to a mother, unless she left her baby or child on the side of the road to die. What the vast majority of first moms have done is NOT abandon their children. Some made a different life plan for their child. Some were robbed of their children. Some were unable to parent due to many many different and varying circumstances. But to say the abandoned? No. Life is just not that simple, and to think of it only in those terms is very narrow-minded and sad. If the people who are using this term in this way are angry they need to say so...not just try to manipulate others in order to satisfy their anger. Even my five year old knows better than this. Use your words honey, not your fists. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Lilly Anne	I do not think so. I worked for a while in Foster Care facility that took care of kids while their parents were in jail, or rehab, in the hospital. It was awful. These poor things had the roughest lives. I mean to give them a toy from a happy meal they freaked out because they had nothing. When they would get there their clothes were ratty, no haircuts, not clean. It was awful. The sad part is that they went back to this life...a lot of them came back to the facility multiple times. I would have rather seen almost any of those little ones given to better homes than continue living the way they were. Children do not deserve parents that do not want them. They have done nothing wrong. I see it as being a better person knowing that you cannot take care of a child and giving them to a family that can. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

kateiskate	Mothers who give a baby up for adoption are women who made a decision in the best interest of their child to give it up for adoption in the hopes that it will be given a healthy, happy childhood in which it will grow up to be a healthy, happy adult. I would by no means say that they are abandoners. You could even say that they are good parents for making a good decision regarding the best for their child. I don't have a desire to meet my birth mother but I am glad she chose to give me up for adoption because my life so far has worked out very well. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Crucio	Abandonment to me would be the mother just leaving her baby in trash, at the park unattended. Not someone who is made an adoption plan for her baby before its birth or even at least made sure the baby was somewhere safe. I knew a woman she adopted from China twice her first daughter they found her in the park on a park bench hours after she was born. Yes what a positive thing to raise ones child in trash or some dirty slum. I’ve seen the programs where they show children tramping around in trash to find food, playing there. It’s disgusting if someone could honestly give their child a better life then that why wouldn’t they? Even give the child temporary to relatives until the mother/father could get their life together and get out of the slums. Find low cost apartments or some other program. An adoptee that was not "destroyed" by being adopted. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Halo Mom	No they are not Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

IDK!!	Sometimes they are. Parents who refuse to help their kid lead them to place are abandoners emotionally. Adoption doesn't always mean abandonment, some children are blessed to have their mothers still active in their lives. Our country in plagued with men abandoning their children to be raised by their mother alone. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

corcoranfaire	In most instances I would say no, but in ours I would say yes. Our foster child's mother left the hospital within a few hours of giving birth. Leaving a baby in the hospital with no name, no possesions, and on drugs. She abandoned our "baby girl". Her other relatives were not available for placement, so I don't consider them having abandoned her. I do however think that her dad abandoned both her and her mom, dumping her mom when she announced she was pregnant and not wanting anything to do with her once born. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Freckle Face	Dear Maybe, NO. I don't like any terminology that hurts people. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

tish	only in the minds of those who recently joined this board, and really need to sit down with a good therapist. or stop trolling... which ever is most appropriate. besides, if young women stop "abandoning" what will happen to the adoption industry and all those "loving people" who can't get knocked up??? so..just that i understand: giving a child a "better life" is selfless...keeping a child is "selfish"... and... making an adoption plan is "abandoning"...keeping a child is "being responsible." this sh!t is more confusing than multi-variate regression. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

myst1998	Heya Maybe and all other mothers who have lost children to the adoption idustry, You know what happened the day they took your baby... or you had to make the 'dcision' to put your child with another family becasue you were terrified for their safety. These imbeciles who come on here and say nasty things because they are incapable of dealing with their own lives don't have any power really... they don't know what happened, were not there and can therefore say anything but it won't stick... except the fact they look utterly stupid whilst they sprout their bs. If anything they only add fuel to the argument of how disgusting adoption is as they show how warped they have become as a result of it - whether directly or indirectly related to it. So hold your heads up and feel proud, YOU have nothing to be ashamed of. If they want to call you names such as abandoner, let them. YOU know its not true and so do those that matter. You don't have to justify yourselves to anyone. These nobodies are just that. Nobody. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Rowan	no they aren't. Quite frankly, i'm pretty upset at the people have ben using that phrase on here today. Who are they to judge a woman when they don't know the circumstances! shakes head never ceases to amaze me. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

sunny	I think to infertile women who are too chicken-sh*t to use their real avatars, yes, they are 'abandoners'. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Flying Monkey #073177	I was. I knew I would loose so I stopped fighting. I abandoned my son as well as myself. To abandon is to loose hope and the will to fight and I certainly lost both when I lost my son. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Joy M	I think so. My mother withdrew her protection, she terminated her parental rights, anything could have happened to me, anything. As far as other family members being abandoners, I would say more so in my personal case, because I came from a family with plenty of resources, but they didn't want to deal with the shame of my mother being pregnant and my father refusing to marry her. Yes, I do feel abandoned by my entire family, first they abandoned my mother until she caved and gave me up so she could regain acceptance. There wasn't an atonement I was able to make, my grandparents would rather give away their first grandchild so people didn't talk at church. I wonder how that worked out for them. If people started talking about adoption as abandonment, what it really is, that would def. hurt the adoption industry. There is entirely too much sugar in adoption language. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Independ"ant"	Before the ink is dry....NO, they are Saints giving the infertiles a chance to be saintly mommy and daddy's. After the moratorium period....Yes, they are crackhead ho's or unloving cowards that don't deserve to know how their ex child is doing. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

magic pointe shoes	Yes. While abandonment is a very ugly term that most don't wish to be associated with, it is an apt terminology. What most people decide upon is where the line is drawn in the sand for what is abandonment and what is relinquishment, and what is a loving adoption plan. To some it matters that there is a distinction between abandoning in a dumpster, in a hospital using safe haven or directly into waiting adoptive parents hands. All are still an act of abandonment and if expectant parents were properly counseled of that fact, then maybe there wouldn't be such a shock that there are serious emotional consequences to both mother and child, instead of the misconception of being easily replaceable. What I get bent out of shape over is the judgment and arguments over personal responsibility of actions. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Sly	I did NOT abandon my son. I was incarcerated in a home for unwed mothers provided by the Salvation Army in St. Louis MO. (BTW, when I see a Red Kettle today, I spit in it!) I was not allowed to use my own name, not allowed to receive or send mail without it being cleared, not allowed to have any identifying information on me, not allowed any personal belongings, except my clothing and makeup, not allowed visitors except my parents who came twice and the social worker who came twice in 4 months there. My parents paid for my time there, and I worked in the kitchen washing dishes and pots and pans and sweeping the back stairs with a foxtail broom and dustpan....all 4 flights of them, daily. I wanted to keep my son. It states that in the Social Worker notes that were in my file. However, that was impossible. My son's father did indeed abandon us, as did my parents. That was abandonment enough during the EMS. Unmarried mothers were not allowed to go to school, could be fired from their jobs and usually were, could not get credit in their own names, could not rent an apartment or buy a car, were not allowed birth control, and if we tried to leave the home without a husband or parents homes to go to, we would be arrested. It was illegal for women to "abandon" their infants and they were arrested for that, but there were no consequences for the fathers who abandoned us or the parents and society that betrayed us. We were left to face it alone. I get tired to death of people who insist that we were responsible for signing the papers, which, by the way, I did not. It didn't make a difference now did it? And, the father of my child at the last minute, decided to step up to the plate. He was arrested for trespassing. The drugs that I was given during labor (alone for 8 hours) were the same drugs given to Vietnamese POW's to "loosen them up" for interrogation purposes, said my Navy Seal Viet Nam Veteran husband. I forget a lot of the stuff that happened, and it comes back to me pieces at a time, often triggered by a conversation or a passing remark, evidence that those damn drugs did their job! After my son's father came, I was sedated out of my mind, since I had the one and only case of hysterics I have ever had in my life. I remained that way for 8 days, long after my son was removed without my signature, which was never given after that, either. I also had a bucket of drugs to take after I returned home, which explains the fog I was in for months after I returned. There is an old expression that has become cliche because it is true. It is "Don't judge a man(woman) until you have walked a mile in his shoes." You have not walked in the shoes of a terrified, vulnerable young woman abandoned and betrayed by her entire support system. You cannot put today's laws, today's values and today's judgments on yesterday's crimes. You cannot judge us unless you have been us. What I am interested in is why, still, do the abandoning fathers get a pass?: They are now a little old for wild oat sowing, and their boys will be boys days are long past. Why are they not called to account? Why is it only the Mothers that get the crap? If they had stepped up to the plate in the 1950's thru 1970's there would be 6 million less adoptees calling their mothers abandoners today. Why do you STILL let them skate? I am sick to death of explaining over and over and over what the EMS was like. If you are interested in whether or not you were abandoned, or if the mothers were the slutty little nobodies that you insist we were, read your history. Get a book. Read a website. The information is out there. I don't know why women allow themselves to continually be attacked and blamed and then continue to apologize and explain that we had no control. We are not your punching bags. We are not fountains of private information. We are not reformed tramps who abandon their infants so we can party on. I gave birth to one child lost to adoption not 6 million. I answer to him only. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No