Adoptees-Does it annoy you when other adoptees are so bitter and ungrateful?

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gibberish	Oh yes it does. It shows disrespect for the real parents who took them in. We are blessed because we were chosen for good homes. Others who live in slums, or ghettos were not so lucky. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Zeena	I do find some annoyance BUT...I look at it this way. Some people have a hard time dealing with things.Some people grow up in homes that aren't exactly "the best". I was fortunate enough to be adopted into a loving home with parents that treasure every ounce of my being.They are the ones who made me the person I am today.Others are not so lucky. I do often get tired of some complaining that people shouldn't adopt babies. HELLO...People are going to put babies up for adoption REGARDLESS.Would those babies be better off being raised in foster care or a loving home? I think that they are often clouded by their pain to see that sometimes, adoption IS the best route because family members are not always going to be there to take the unwanted children. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Sunny Jo	i have a korean birth sister who was not kidnapped from our birth parents. her life is just as good, even better, than mine. so yes, i KNOW i would have had a better life if i had stayed in korea. being kidnapped and sold for adoption destroyed my life and my family, despite getting loving, caring adoptive parents. my life today is pretty good DESPITE of being adopted, not because of it. and for the record, my adoptive parents understand why i am angry as all hell about being adopted (and has all my life). what hurts them is the fact that they received another couple's kidnapped child due to the adoption agency's greed and illegal activities, not that their daughter is angry about being adopted! and my case is not unique, MANY adoptions from korea and other countries have been illegal and unethical throughout history. to me, it is really pathetic and annoying to me when people are judging others based on their own limited experience without checking up the facts first. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Heather B	Well, yippee skippee for you. People are capable of defining their own life and experiences. What annoys me is people who put so much effort into exclaiming how wonderful and grateful they are for losing their kin. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Lillie	Well Katiskate, I'm glad you are annoyed. Because that means my words are reaching someone. I wouldn't be here wasting my time if nobody was reading what I am writing, would I? People need to realize that for some adoptees, life ISN'T all puppies and sunshine and fluffy bunnyasses. The reason ANY of us "bitter angry ungrateful adoptees" as you call us, do this, is to get the TRUTH out there to prospective adoptive parents, and to people who have already adopted, that their children could POSSIBLY have some issues that they may not be aware of. Is it so wrong to want to make sure that all children have a fair shake and that adoptive parents be aware of and prepared for dealing with any negative consequences of relinquishment and adoption? Do you want all adoptive parents to be blind and deaf to any possible negative feelings adoptees have so that little adopted children have to sit and suffer in silence and stuff their feelings, all for the sake of not making happy clappy adoptees like YOU uncomfortable? Wow, talk about selfish. I for one actually CARE about the future adoptees, the CHILDREN, and would want them to actually have a chance at having their feelings acknowledged, and RESPECTED, not ignored or treated as if they are wrong or abnormal or "annoying". The issues of sealed records and human rights for adoptees is something that a lot of us find very important and are fighting very hard for, not just for ourselves, but for ALL adoptees, yes, even the happy clappy ones like YOU, so that YOU are also treated like a full and equal citizen under the law. No thank you's are necessary, though, really. Maybe if you'd pull your head off your amom's nipple for 5 second's you'd understand that most of us are doing this for not our benefit, but for the thousands of adoptees out there who's parents may need to know that adoption isn't always a wunnerful happy happy joy joy thing. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Indian-vision	No gratitude for being adopted is the last thing i want from my child. But i would feel pain to see them in pain. I would validate their feeling and try to understand and be behind them. As for whats disturbing is the war adoptees have here with other adoptees trying to prove their feeling is most valid and thats what the other should be feeling to. Can't just every one agree to disagree. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Bouvier	"And to the adoptive parents:" It would upset me, if my daughter was always upset, yes, however, I would not want her to "flip" her negative feelings of abandonment with "happy" feelings of being adopted. When that time comes,and I am sure it will, I will try and validate her sorrow, and be there for her. I will want to "fix it" I am sure, and know that I may not be able to, ever.........that hurts even now, and it has not happened yet! I feel sorrow for the sadness expressed by many, and I feel glee for the happiness you feel towards your situation. I think it's hard for everyone involved....as an adoptive parent, I sometimes feel that the adoptees clump us all in this one category, and as with adoptees, first mothers/fathers, etc., everyone is different, has different circumstances, and of course, opinions! It is however, difficult to hear anyone, in ANY situation, constantly being negative......... Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

✧ Ⓛⓘⓛⓨ ♥ kaelers, emy & bella	Yes and no. It does irk me on some level, mostly when someone makes it personal toward me, but it's hard to be too upset. I understand that they have a lot of mental anguish, therefore it's hard to be too annoyed with them. I take all their thumbs-down'ing and hate mail and childishness about as seriously as I'd take someone calling me names because of my red hair. I was adopted as well from age 11 (I lived with my natural mother until age 11, when she committed suicide I was adopted by my godparents after a brief stint in foster care), and my mother was FORCED to keep me by means of family pressure when she did not want to - I went through 11 years of abuse, cold shoulders and resentment for it. I'm coming from the other side of the coin here, and most of the angry adoptees don't like that because it puts a crack in their fantasy world where all babies would be better off with their biological parents, no exceptions. I also do not apologize for taking in my nieces after the big mean court system took them away from my sister, and further, I do not apologize for wanting to adopt them and give them a stable home and loving parents, and a life free from drugs, alcohol, a revolving door of men, and being left off with neighbours for months at a time. I know there will come a day, if my husband and I adopt them or gain permanent custody, that they will have questions and wonder about their mother and need to be informed of the more unpleasant details that they don't yet understand about her, and we'll have to deal with that if and when it comes. Yes, I would be upset and hurt if they were continually negative about it, but I would also be sympathetic and talk to them about why they feel that way and what I can do to make them feel better - I don't think the feeling of abandonment or wondering about the biological family among many adoptees is at all wrong or invalid, but I do think that instead of just being angry, people need to talk about it and cope with it in whichever way they find healing to them. At age 5 and almost 8 now, they are old enough that they will remember my sister and the life they had with her, and I would hope that they would understand why things are the way they are. It's not an ideal situation at all, but life never is, is it? They're happy, well-adjusted children despite their circumstance; I don't think either feels negatively toward us right now, and I'm glad of that. Yes, bad adoptions and coercion happen, and it is wrong and the entire system of domestic infant adoption needs overhaul. But it's pretty sad to see the bitter, resentful people criticise me because I believe in foster-adoption, relative adoption, and because I love and appreciate my adoptive parents, and I don't think that biology determines everything. Just because your parents don't share your DNA or look like you doesn't mean they don't love you or that they aren't your parents. I don't apologize for being happy to be adopted, and I definitely don't apologize for not being miserable because of my adoption. My opinion is that people who say adoption ruined their lives are just using their adoptions as something to blame. People ruin their own lives - nobody can ruin your life but YOU, and only YOU can make it better. Parents and others can certainly make it harder, but whether it "ruins your life" is up to you. People of all kinds - natural, adopted, fosters, whatever - come out of shi*ty childhoods and they get over it and are happy. You can choose to wallow in your own misery, blame your parents, fantasise about the dream life you would have had were you not tragically ripped from your mothers arms or whatever, but at the end of the day, you make your own choices and your life is yours alone. You can sit on Y!A all day and whine about the BSE, try to talk everyone into hating adoptive parents, and stew in a pot of your own bitter misery, or you can move on and make your life what you want. Not all adoptive parents are great. Some are great, some are miserable JUST LIKE EVERY OTHER TYPE OF PARENTS. Natural parents can be screwed up too, and just as many screwed up kids come from natural parents as adoptive. I haven't drank the Kool-aid. I know that most people who are adopted feel a sense of loss, confusion, abandonment and feel a void that they do not have their biological family. And all of those feelings are normal and okay. I feel them myself sometimes and I deal with them every day, but the point is that I deal with them and do it in a healthy way instead of getting angry and belittling people who are positive instead of negative all the time. In a perfect world, adoption would not be necessary. But we don't live in a perfect world, and we can't live as though we do and be resentful and hold on to disappointment when things aren't ideal. Some people get dealt a bad hand in life. But living and living well is not about the hand you are dealt - it's about how you play your cards. You can thumbs down me all you want. Big freakin' punishment. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Laurel J	Why would it bother me? People are allowed to have opinions that differ from mine. Their opinions don't hurt me or change anything about my life. I have been accused of falling into the "bitter and ungrateful" camp, but it does me no harm when you tell me how great your adopted life has been. I'm happy for you and I wish you the best in life. And I am very glad that I was adopted by two people who always accepted my feelings for what they are, rather than being "annoyed" at my ungratefulness. That's what loving parents do, isn't it? From what I've read, "abandoning" a child is pretty much the only way to get it adopted in Korea. I hope you don't harbor any ill feelings toward your first mother or think she didn't want you. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Lori A	I notice I wasn't addressed in your question, does that mean you dont want to hear from me personally or you don't want to hear from any first mothers? I am wondering if your feelings toward your first mother are your own or if they had help. to put a spin on your question you haven't seemed to come to grips with yet, (but there's hope) is that it isn't solely about those who had bad experiences. It happens, more often than you want ot give credit to and it is something that our government and agencies need to address. Some of these kids get really bad homes and really bad parents. Folow up would be the key to that, but it seldom gets done. My daughter got a great home, wonderful parents, and was slightly spoiled. She has no reason to hate her parents and she in fact does not hate her parents. Like soooooo many other adoptees you seem to think have issues with their parents and the fact that they were adopted, most of them had good adoptive parents just like you but still have issues because of the ACT of being adopted. It is the ACT of adoption, not the people who adopt and take good care of children that is the issue. Changes need to be made to adoption practices. Feelings need to be addressed when it comes to adopted children. how else are adoptive parents who really do care going to know what their child is feeling? the agency, bwahahaha. NOT Either you are a rare one indeed who not only got a good home but also have no issues what so ever, or you have had one too many cups of the adoption koolaid. You are actually missing the entire point. Children from good adoption experiences are the majority of the ones here fighting for future adoptees. Congrats on your wonderful adoption, I mean it. It is always good to know that adoption can have the outcome it was intended to have. Stick around, be a little more opened to what you are hearing instead of on the offensive and you will see that people don't come here to just whine about their past, there really wouldn't be much point in that would there? They are here to make change to a system that has all but gone to the way side since your adoption. It's not what it used to be and it needs to be stopped before more children get hurt. But since you didn't ask for my opinion you can dismiss me. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Anha S	I'm happy for you, really I am. You had a wonderful experience and wouldn't have it any other way. kudos to you. I respect that. What I can't respect is you dismissing the opinions, thoughts, and experiences that don't mirror yours. My being unhappy with adoption and my experience does not make me bitter and negative. I could try and slap on a smile and pretend everything was ok like I did as a kid, but that was just so unpleasant and soul crushing. I'm not greatful, and I won't pretend to be. I think adoption needs reform, and all voices need to be truly heard. Not just those who sound just like you. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Joy M	I feel like Sunny does, that you are the best adoptee evah. I wish more adoptees were all perfect like yourself. Except then the costs my really go through the roof. Sigh You are the best cupcake! Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Possum	Nah! The most bitter and ungrateful adoptees are the fun-est ones eva! They usually have the wicked sense of humor to go along with those traits. Sadly - you obviously don't have that gift. Nor do you have an ounce of empathy for another's misfortune and feelings. Good luck with that. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

sunny	Wow. You're my hero and stuff. It sounds like your adopters got their money's worth--you are a good solider. I hope you find peace in all your annoyances. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Flying Monkey #073177	It is really pathetic and annoying to me when people refuse to acknowledge other's pain and suffering. Your life was sunshine and roses and farting rainbows? Good on ya. Not everyone had that luxury and I admire those who are willing to speak up about a topic the rest of the world wants swept neatly under the rug. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

magic pointe shoes	"(literally left on the doorstep of the orphanage by my BM)" Classy. BM stands for bowel movement, fyi. Also nice that you included questions for adopted people and a modified question for adoptive parents, but no such consideration for the parents that relinquished. I think your ideas of your parents of origin biases are showing. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

myst1998	The only pathetic ones are those who are incapable of showing compassion for those struggling with what has happened to them. Its wondeful that you can believe all the fairy tales about adoption and live in la la land... there are so many of you who do that and thats lovely for you. But excuse me while the rest of us live in the real world. Just because you think adoption is wonderful, doesn't make it so. Have another glass of Kool-aid... Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Randy B	It certainly doesn't annoy me when anyone feels one way or the other. They are all entitled to feel how ever they want to, based upon their own opinions and/or life experiences. About all that annoys me is when people assume that I am supposed to feel one way or the other. Like you, and others, I'm glad I was adopted and have always felt positively about it. I don't know what my life would have been like if I wasn't adopted, I only know what it has been like, and it's been good. Perhaps adoption did ruin someones life, I don't know. Perhaps they do feel abandoned, abused, lost.... it's all intensely personal for them and only they can say how they feel. At the same time though, many seem to think that everyone should feel that way, to what ever degree, and that is not always the case. I'm content to let them feel how they feel and to assist in any limited way I can but please don't go telling me how I am/was supposed to feel. Thats about all that really gets my goat. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Dreamweaver ILF posse 2009	No. Because since coming here (2 years ago) I've learned that I am lucky. My adoption was wonderful and WAS rainbows and flowers and unicorns. I've learned most were not. Especially in the BSE. I didn't even knw what that WAS when I first came here. True, I'm happy, well adjusted and couldn't have better parents but that is not the case with many people so I just sigh and feel sad that their experience wasnt as wonderufl as mine. Im lucky to have who I have in my life Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

PhilM	How much do you hate your origins, your "birthmother"? It sounds like you loathe where you came from. That leads to self-loathing. People feeling happy about their adoption don't annoy me. People that claim they were better off without knowing any of the facts of their own case annoy me. People that get annoyed by the way other people feel and then decide to poke sticks at other people annoy me. I am not a victim. I'm a survivor. What's your excuse? Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

kidmindi	I am glad I was adopted. My life has been better because of it. I do not think that all adoptions are necessasary or wonderful. Abuse and neglect can happen adoptive as well as birth families. If someone has negative things to say about their adoption, then that's their opinion. I am very sorry for anyone who has a bad childhood either from an adoptive or birth family. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Jen M	Not really, not everyone was fortunate to get good parents. I have also noticed people being more bitter if they are told they were adopted as an older person. At least, I have noticed that in my friends. I was told at such a young age that I don't remember being told. It has just always been with me that I was and it has always been a non-issue. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Linny G	I think it's pathetic when people judge other people's experiences. While I find it hard to believe adoptees do not have pain due to their surrender, I do NOT think their opinions or feelings or experiences are wrond or pathetic. It's just different than mine. My life may have indeed been better had I not been adopted. I love my adopted parents with all my heart and soul, but there were some major issues in our home, many because of the unresolved grief of infertility, and my unresolved grief from not bonding with anyone due to my relinquishment. My n siblings all have master's degrees, as does my n mother, and father. Education was not a priority in my a family. Neither were my natural abilities. Read the stats. The majority of bse babies came from upper middle class, educated families...not white trash hooker crack heads. Again- every adoption is different, and so are every adoptee's feelings. Who are you to say what "card" we are playing? Maybe you are playing a card game yourself? I see your "Im a happy grateful adoptee" card, and raise you my "I have unresolved issues with abandonment and fear of rejection, yet trying to move on and not judge others while trying to make the system better" card. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Mei-Ling	The first thing I would like to say is: I'm not judging your experience. Those are your personal feelings and so they cannot be "wrong." I respect that. [I understand the pain of being abandoned, but eventually you need to move on and start accepting that and getting over it.] I think it depends on the individual. In your case, you don't feel abandoned because your parents treated you so well and you had a great childhood - you feel that the positive outlook compensates for anything you "might have" gotten in Korea. Good for you, I mean that! It's wonderful that you don't feel the loss. Sometimes I think adoptees who don't dwell on the loss or who don't FEEL a loss are really better off emotionally. ^^ But that doesn't mean every adoptee will feel like you do or have your experience and perspective. Some do not want to go back to Korea and feel like their home and identity is simply their adoptive environment and family. Others wish to reclaim the Korean side of their identity and culture. It varies from individual to individual. I am not wrong for wanting to go back to my birth country and seek out the other half of my identity; YOU are not wrong for embracing your adoptive family and environment as your ONLY identity. [Do you really think your life would have been better if your birth parents had not given you up for adoption?] Who said anything about our lives being better? They might have been "just as good." Nothing is set in stone. They could have been worse, they could have been better. How do I know this in MY case? Because I have a sister who was kept - and her life does not seem too much more "terribly" difficult than mine. She works a lot? So what? Don't Americans/Canadians work long hours to provide for their families? She attends post-secondary school at night? So what? Don't people attend post-secondary education at night, here, too - to catch up on their studies? She used to work all day and then attend night school. So what? My friend used to go to school all day and then go to work until coming home around 10 or 11pm! It was hard and tiring but she still did it. I don't see where the "worse off" factor has come in yet. [Even if they were in terrible circumstances or did not want you?] Your questions are biased, but I'll answer anyway. They weren't in terrible circumstances. Something happened to ME that made THEM unable to parent me. I'm not going to broadcast my personal history here, but they were perfectly emotionally AND physically capable of caring and loving me. Based on my sister's upbringing, I can guarantee you that they didn't "unwant" me or that they wouldn't have raised me in "terrible" circumstances. Adoptees are grateful for food/shelter/drink/love - is that what you're saying? It's wonderful that they have the basic necessities for those things, that they were loved and cared for. No one is denying that. I'm not saying you shouldn't be appreciative of the food put onto your plate, that your parents raised you all these years, and that you can have a decent amount of basic materialistic possessions essential to every day life. But isn't it a person's basic human RIGHT to have those things? Would you tell a NON adopted person to "be grateful" they were even wanted/loved? Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

ladybmw1218	It is my hope that by learning about the negative experiences and emotions, and overall bad practices in adoption, and doing our best to do what's right for him, we can be a better parents to our son. Despite all our efforts, DS may still have negative feelings towards his adoption specifically or adoption in general. I can't force him to feel differently than he feels, nor would I want him to. He is a unique person with a unique perspective, and is entitled to his feelings and to express them if he wants and how he wants. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

monkeykitty83	As an adoptive parent-- or as a parent at all, for that matter-- I would prefer my children be able to be honest with me about how they're feeling, whether it's positive or negative. Feelings aren't right or wrong, they just are. And you can't control someone else's, or even to a degree your own. If my child seemed to be suffering from depression, or their negative feelings were interfering with their daily functioning in their lives, I would suggest counseling, for their own benefit. Not because their emotions hurt me, but because that's not a healthy way to live. Ultimately, though, people own their own feelings, and I would prefer my children be able to be honest with me, than pretend to be happy if they aren't. Feelings are nothing to be guilty or ashamed about. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

cruzgirlz3	No, not at all. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

IDK!!	"And to the adoptive parents: Wouldn't that hurt you if your child constantly focused on the negative (being abandoned) instead of something so wonderful and positive (being adopted)" I will never invalidate my children's feelings, good bad, bitter, or any other. If something hrt him, he should feel free to say so. You can be sad about losing your parents and happy you have the home you do.. Would you tell a widowed woman the same things, just because she remarries. What about a mother who's child dies and goes on to have another? Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Freckle Face	And to the adoptive parents................ I would not be hurt at all. I give my love freely with no string attached. My children are free to feel how ever they wish about adoption. Adoption happened to my children not me. How ever they feel about their adoptions or adoption in general, they will have my love and support. My children were not abandoned. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Rowan	It doesn't annoy me, because i understand that they are hurting, and in some cases, had a worse life then the one they would have had had their mothers kept them. It's very hard to be annoyed with people who are in pain. Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No

Not my fault either	Things that annoy me: statements that adoption is only about loss adoptees who focus on the negatives only adoptees who claim to be victims adoptees who only look at the dark side and ignore the bright side people who feel sorry for themselves people who don't try to help themselves let's have a pity party for the angry bitter ungrateful adoptees. yes, pathetic Was this answer helpful to you? Yes / No